[Anonymous]

#1020280

Hello all. I have read some of your messages over the past few months and at this point feel that maybe you are the only folks who could shed some light on my situation.
First of all, I am a lesbian and my partner, Cub, has Graves. If you feel uncomfortable with responding to me because I am gay, it’s ok.
I met Cub almost 6 months ago. Our first three months were wonderful, so great that we moved in together. It was impulsive and now we are filled with regret because we are having such a hard time. I know that there are issues, naturally, betwen us that have nothing to do with Graves (as in any relationship), but I feel our relationship is also being put through the ringer by the Graves. I know what it is like to be sick. I have Cystic Fibrosis and was sick for many years until I had a double lung transplant two years ago. So I didn’t run from the relationship when this came up in only our third month. But maybe I did not prepare myself well enough.
Cub became hyperthyroid 4 or so years ago and was very sick at that time. She had a goiter, her eyes were protruding, she lost a ton of weight and had heart palpitations. I didn’t know her then. She was given RAI and spent a few months on synthroid, then they took her off it and she was supposed to follow up with doc appts, but didn’t. Until we were together and I insisted she go once she completely lost her libido, a symptom she had the first round.
We went to the doc and she was hyperthyroid again. It took several weeks for all parties to get it together for her to be treated again. I was so aggravated because they told her she was very sick and then were in no rush to get her treated. She finally got RAI again 6 weeks ago. We are supposed to go to the doc soon to get her blood tested again and see how she is. All this time, she has become so irritable and moody, has no desire for intimacy, won’t really talk much to me and when she does she is so angry. She has mentioned she is “very sick”, extremely exhausted and depressed. I am struggling because she mostly just shuts me out. I don’t know how to be there for her. I don’t know how to handle such a hard thing so early in a relationship. I love her but I know that we haven’t the foundation for me to feel secure in all this heartache. If anyone can offer their thoughts I would be so appreciative. I guess I want to know how people deal, would it help to have a therapist together, how long will all of this last? …and anything else you’d like to offer.

Thank you so much for being out there,
April

[Anonymous]

#1076570

I have gone through very much the same problems with my wife in our circumstance. I love my wife dearly and have even questioned my ability to cope with her “behavior” . In my situation, I think that there was a certain amount of denial on both of our parts about the drastic affects of this disease. Recently I have been able to convince my wife that she needs to take charge of the situation. By this, I mean shop around for a better Endocrinologist and GP if she is not able to get the results WE are looking for. This disease is as much mine as it is hers and I have found that I have to take a proactive approach to the treatment, even going so far as to ask about blood test results, doctor recommendations and the scheduling of doctor visits.
This situation is part of the “foundation building process” in my opinion. I’m not ready to give up on her yet, although there are days I find it very difficult to cope myself. Both she and I see a therapist individually. We tried to see one together as a couple, but in the end, it would turn into a fiasco so we opted to see one independently. It seems to be working so far I haven’t thrown up my hands in frustration and left and she seems to be paying more attention to what she has to do for herself. I am very sure that this will be a life long struggle, hopefully, once the acute phase has passed and her medical situation is more normalized it will have made us stronger for having endured it all..

[Anonymous]

#1076571

Hi April

Wecome to the NGDF Bulletin Board. I’m so glad you finally decided to post.

I realize how difficult all of this is, especially in a new relationship. It difficult for people who have been together for many years. Your friend is very sick and it shows alot that you got her back to the doctor for treatment. She is show all the classics signs of Graves with how she is acting. It is hard not to take things she says and does to you personally, but she can’t help herself. Going to a therapist is a wonderful decision for both you and her. Not a relationship therapist but one who deals with people with chronic illnesses would be the best route to go. If she agrees to this I know it would help her. Also one would help you even if she decides not to go because you have a tough job of being the caretaker.

It is also normal for anyone with a chronic illness for their sex drive to go down. As Jake once said when we are ill we are in a surviors mode, everything we do is to just get through that day. We don’t need sex to do that. As we get better that sex drive returns.

Keep up the good work. As to your relationship with her, the only advice I can give you with that. Is to just look deep into your heart as to what you feel. You need to think of yourself also. If you decide you can’t live this way, then don’t and don’t have guilty feelings about it.

Diane B On-Line Facilitator

[Anonymous]

#1076572

I understand the feelings of your partner. My husband understands your viewpoint as well. I feel all of the feelings your partner feels. I feel better after thyroidectomy but still suffer from the emotional drain and the eye problems now. Insomnia is a problem. No sex drive whatsoever. I just want to crawl under a rock and stay until I die.I really don’t understand why I feel this way. I was once a very vibrant outgoing person who thoroughly enjoyed living life to its fullest. Now I’m reduced to a self induced hermit. I only go out if its absolutely necessary. I have the most beautiful 2 year old you have ever seen and if it wasn’t for him I would stay in bed 24 hours a day.
I wish I had answers for you. I need some for me. Just understand how it must be for Cub. Good luck to you both.

[Author]

Posts