[Anonymous]

#1050185

Words of Wisdom

– All generalisations are false.

– Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

– I love cats. They taste just like chicken.

– The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

– Conserve toilet paper. Use both sides.

– I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

– Save a tree. Eat a Beaver.

– Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

– Sex is a misdemeanour. The more I miss it, the meaner I get.

– I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

– Nobody’s ugly after 2am.

– Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

– Real women don’t have hot flushes. They have *power surges*.

– Where there’s a will, I want to be in it!

– If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

– I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!

– Learn from your parents’ mistakes. Use birth control!

– It’s lonely at the top. But at least you eat better.

– A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

– Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

– We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

– He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

– Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else!

– Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

Back to the Funny Farm—ha ha

Dee

[Anonymous]

#1148674

It’s great to have the board back up! Thank you! I feel like an old friend is back!

OLD LADIES
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State
Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to
himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns
on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front and three in the back of the car. All but the driver, are wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?”
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty-two miles an hour,
the old woman said proudly. The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her the “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask…Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”, the officer inquires. “Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119,” beamed the old woman!

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