Patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay, you’re ugly, too.
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don’t touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don’t smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don’t do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing or manizing. Patient: Haven’t touched a woman or man in my life. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends or boyfriends.
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog’s outside in the waiting room!
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Cut your head off.