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  • Anonymous
      Post count: 93172

      Hi Vicki O:

      Reading your post has made me think of all the people out there who
      are caretakers of someone they love. It is a labor of love too.
      Watching a parent, Mother or Father suffer is a horrible experience.
      I fully understand the “crisis” part. For me, I was on edge 24/7s.
      24 hours a day/7 days a week. The anxiety was cruel to my body.
      I was in constant pain, and I had a small eye crisis (which has gone
      away after the stress was removed. I swear, I did not sleep through
      the night for two whole years.

      You must take care of your self with veracity. Give yourself time
      sleep and brake away. At first my family did not realize just how
      sick my Mom was, then I sat them down and made them listen. I set
      up a schedule for them to help me. In addition, when friends asked
      if they could help, I let them. Its amazing how nice it is to let
      someone else go to the grocery store once in a while. Letting people
      help me was the most difficult thing I have done in my life. Sounds
      crazy but I have always been fiercely independent, to the point of
      self-harm.

      Now, this good stuff did not happen for me until I was at my wits end.
      that was my biggest mistake. I waited until I could not take it anymore
      to as for help. My advice to anyone who is a caretaker
      is to ask for help. That is why God gave us friends and family. I
      heard this wonderful saying “Friends are family that we choose.” I
      beleive this is really true. Lighten up and get as many hugs as you possible
      can, beleive me it helps. Even the lovely cyber hugs from our
      friends at this BB are great.

      I am by no means and expert on this subject, but I do know my mistakes
      and if anyone needs to talk…email me at cpfeifer@botsford.org.
      Been there, done that…

      regards….Carolyn

      Anonymous
        Post count: 93172

        Carolyn, what you said is so true. The hardest part when my dad was sick (stroke) was not being able to do everything I thought I should do. Being a very independent person it was hard to ask for help and I really didn’t know how. But you are right about people being willing to help. You need to tell them what they can do in specifics. It was awful watching my dad go downhill but as my mom says she had a long time to say goodbye and at the end was not really “my dad” anymore. My mom and a brother were at my house last weekend and we talked about my dad and laughed at some rememberences. You caretakers really need to be sure you take care of yourselves.

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