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  • Anonymous
      Post count: 93172

      When I woke up last Monday morning feeling lousy I began having a running diatribe in my head in an attempt to convince myself I really wasn’t feeling as bad as felt, it was just my attitude. I lay there for 45 minutes arguing with myself, refusing to accept the possibility that I truly might be “sick.” So many of us deal every day with one offshoot or another of Graves Disease that I think it becomes second nature (since our doctors seem so quick to do this) for us to be dismissive about how we’re feeling. On days when I do not feel well physically, I find that I tend to push myself even harder, testing my own limits, the whole time berating myself for not being ‘tougher’ or more stoic. I think these tendencies arise from a deeply ingrained work ethic in us and it is also learned behavior from having to deal with physicians who too often convey the message that most of our problems are “imagined” and don’t jive with what their sacred lab reports say we should be feeling.

      When I was waging this war with myself last week, my husband, recognizing my obvious agitation with myself asked, “Do you feel bad physically?” After several long moments I answered, “Yes, I feel awful.”
      He then said, “well, then your only job today is to feel awful and do whatever you can do to help yourself feel less awful. Don’t wonder about why or how, or start making lists of all the things you could or should be doing. Just lay there and feel awful. No one else is required to understand. You don’t have to apologize or rationalize your feelings to anyone, including yourself. If anyone wants to make an issue of it, cordially invite them to stick it in the orifice of their choice.” Such simple wisdom and so true I think for many of us. None of us have chosen to have this disease. We can only chose how we react to whatever havoc it happens to wreak from day to day. I don’t know that any of us has ever demonstrated what could be called a “bad attitude” in our dealings with GD. Some days our human frailities are more exposed than others which is okay. There is more collective strength of spirit demonstated on this BB than I have witnessed in over 24 years of nursing practice.

      So–Shari, be depressed. Let it be. I think you’re doing great.


        Post count: 93172

        I was going to start today with a new attitude and really try to get motivated – but something went wrong. I am just too tired to think let alone do anything. There is an add on BC TV with someone screaming out “I just can’t take it anymore” and that is constantly running through my head.

        Today I got my forms from my office for my disability insurance and I just keep looking at them but don’t even have the energy to fill them out. I think I’m worried about tomorrow (which is what we shouldn’t do). My teeth had been hurting and when the dentist checked it was mainly again from this disease and my system being down. However he did find a crown that needed doing so I have a two hour early morning appointment. I hate dentists, I am terrified of needles. From there I have to go straight to my Doctors office to have him complete his portion of these disability forms. It is just too much in one morning when normally I don’t do anything but walk the dog. Right now I feel like I want to crawl into bed (which I never do) and wake up when this is all over. I have a meeting at my place tonight for six women so obviously I can’t go to bed.

        I just had to get this all off my chest. You know what – tomorrow at this time 1:25 PM it will all be OVER – and I’m sure I will have survived.

        Thanks for listening. SAS

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