[Anonymous June 2, 1997 at 6:37 pm Post count: 93172]

#1055522

Dear Sandra, I don’t know if I hear exactly what you are asking..
and of course I don’t know if what I experience will help anyone else but
here is a thought. Underneath your questions, the ones you ask yourself,
I wonder if you are blaming yourself for your body having a problem?
I wonder if you question if you are being punished? In your last
line you said that you must have been doing things right before.
I think the Sound of Music, camp, fun and full of beauty as it is,
has a very misleading song in it…”so somewhere in my youth or childhood,
I must have done something good.” I have seen that the rain falls on the
kind and the mean, the givers and the takers in life, so does the sunshine.
So do benefits and so do troubles. The tit for tat economy isn’t
really as immediate and absolute as some of our ideas. You
had a combination of factors that allowed GD to manifest.
Stress alone is unlikely to foster it…other factors were on line too.
I guess I want to say…you don’t have gd because of anything you did, or didn’t do,
don’t have it because you are bad or badder etc. Whatever those thoughts are
they plague you, stop them, examine them and ask..are they really true? and are they helpful?
Remember..if you take something away
from yourself, replace it with something good and true and helpful.
And hey, if I have read something between the lines that wasn’t there,
please forgive me…maybe this is for someone else out there..
or maybe I should, as C.S. Lewis was wont to say, “save my breath
to cool my porridge”. Wishing you well, Jeannette

[Anonymous June 3, 1997 at 4:15 pm Post count: 93172]

#1161168

Sandra:

You’ve described that feeling really well…it’s very hard to put it to
words, isn’t it? When you get that “odd” sensation it is hard NOT to be
self-absorbed. I can tell you that as my blood levels have normalized
it happened less and less often. (When the PTU was getting me too hypo, I
felt the “other” side of weird, anxiousness of a different flavor).

What I found that worked (or at least distracted me fairly completely) was
“mindfulness” as opposed to mindlessness. I tried to get myself totally
involved in ANYTHING, be it scrubbing the grout in the bathroom tiles or
looking for things that needed mending, reading story after story to my
kids. Basically, any activity that took up enough of my mind that I didn’t have room
to dwell on feeling strange. My other weapon against this was: praying. I
found that if I prayed hard for other people (with pleas for that feeling to stop
sprinkled in there) that it kept the strangeness at bay.

Anyway, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about and you are definitely
not alone in this!!

Glynis

[Author]

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