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Between this new computer and my 13 year old son who has adhd and explosive behavior disorder and this damn Graves Disease, I can’t take much more.
Jacob has screamed and said so many hateful things to me and told me he wants me to die. I want him committed to a hospital. He got up late this morning and within 2 minutes of getting up went downstairs and bit his 7 year old brothers back because someone stole Jacob’s bubble gum.
Micah our 2 year old told Jacob he took it. Jacob has hit his other brother who is 11 and also his 4 year old sister tonight too. If Jacob doesn’t get what he wants he screams at me and blames everything on me. Mike tried to talk with him and calm him down but I get the blame for everything that happens around here.
I love Jacob with all my heart and I would die for him so why does he hate me???My body is still going downhill even worse. Weight wise, I’ve lost another 7 pounds in one week. My thyroid is enlarged and I’m so tired. My hair is falling out so fast I’ll be bald in a month.Then tonight this damn computer that I’ve had for 48 hours, crashed again after installing 3 programs.
the first was Monty Python Pythonizer, thee next was a holye cd game and what crashed the system was the Groliers encyclopedia. Fatal errors on every program appeared. Thankfully though we copied the bad files from our other Packard Bell and then deleted Monty Python because the confilct was with that one. How much more stress can I take? My dad is dying in Georgia and I can’t travel to see him. I wish our support group met every night I really need a hug from all of you.
I’m trying to hang in there but it’s getting so rough. I’ll keep trodding along though or in my case crawling along.Miriam
Miriam:
I wish I was there, but consider yourself hugged! As for your son, I truly don’t believe he hates you.
I spent a gazillion hours in therapy with my youngest son. He is hyperactive/ADD with an IQ of 156! He reacted very similarly (although not always as violently) as your son. What we learned in therapy was that Michael didn’t hate me or his brother although we thought so. He hated himself and his inability to control things. Until he got older, he just couldn’t. But, he is now 22, and although he still has problems, and probably always will, things are much better and he is so loving. Hang in there on that one.
Perhaps you could find someone near you to help with a sort of respite care. Maybe give you an hour or so a week out of the house without anyone else. You’d be surprised what an hour in the park or the library (anyplace quiet and free!) can do for your spirits and in turn, your health!
I know that things seem completely bleak and hopeless right now. I wish I could be there to help you. I don’t even know where you are, and being here in beautiful downtown Montana is not really near anyone! But, please, promise you will hang in there. We are all pulling for you and praying for you.
Love and hugs…
ValValerie,
Thank you for the encouragement. I stayed up all night because Jacob was still up at 3 am and he had threatened us saying he was going to distroy our two computers, the tv set and the vcr. I was able to do some paperwork and download some files this new computer needed and I enjoyed the time by myself. Geez our 2 year old son just came down the stairs. and it’s only 5:57 AM So much for more peace and quiet!Miriam
Miriam,
Please do not take this wrong. I read your posts today and started getting worried about you, so I went back and read lots of your previous posts. It is hard enough to keep up with my own stuff so I thought I should re-read what you previously went through. You sure have been thru the wringer but still have a grip on things.
How do I put this…I am concerned about your kids. I know that I was not totally there for my kids when I first got treated for GD. The doctor treated it like it was nothing to really worry about. RAI and med and off I went. When I think back on things I know that I am lucky that everything is ok now. I don’t think they know how this GD thing can effect our everyday lives and how we think and react. When I complain to my husband now about what I am going through he just says, I don’t know.
I hope you can find someone to help you with your kids and house. My husband does everything around here for the most part. I tend to get fried out even from just going to work. The stress I think causes this stop and go effect.
Miriam, I care because I know what you are talking about and I only have two children.
God Bless You,
Michele
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