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in reply to: Husband Trying to Cope… #1169648

Well, my wife went to her Endo yesterday… he’s not giving her RAI, instead he’s reducing her medications further (to 5mg Methimazole), saying it’s better this way than doing RAI and inducing hypothyroidism.

This seemed to embolden her about the decisions she’s been making. I told her that I realized that my pressuring her was frustrating, but that I just wanted to make sure she was healthy. I also told her I was happy for her.

We’re no closer to reconciling. In fact, I think we may be moving towards divorce, anyway. There have been small improvements, but nothing significant. I sure wish I could redo the last 18 months, knowing what I know now.

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in reply to: Husband Trying to Cope… #1169646

Thanks again to everyone for all the encouragement. Please let it be known that I intend to do everything I can to support and love her through all of this. I can’t help it.

So… brief update: she moved back in yesterday. We’re still "separated" in the sense that we’re sleeping in separate beds and really only talk on an as needed basis. For the most part, I’m fine with this.

I question her motives for moving back in; my dad had a heart attack last week, and in the confusion of that, she told me she’d move back in so I’d be free to see my mom as needed if she needs me… it seems like she really only wanted to reduce her drive time to work and be more accessible to her friends. She told me that she has every intention of demanding an RAI at her next visit with the endo… The signs are definitely showing that her medication isn’t enough right now: significant weight loss despite appetite, frequent bowel movements, brittle hair, short temper… But she claims she’s adequately controlled by her current dosage (10mg methimazole/day).

She also told me she wants to go to marriage counseling(!). As much as I want us to do that, I think it may be best to wait until she’s been to the endo again and whatever is decided upon has a chance to take effect.

I don’t blame her hyperthyroidism for the real problems that exist between us. I haven’t been treating her with respect, and there’s no real excuse for it. I haven’t expressed this to her yet, but it’s become a rather sticky situation. I’m deliberately avoiding relationship discussion because I don’t want to put more pressure on her. I’m staying with the flow, and if I have the opportunity to say it, believe me, I will. Just don’t want to force it.

While I don’t blame her hyperthyroidism for our situation, it is rather like gas on the fire. I may also tell her that, given the chance, but I don’t want to make her feel like her emotions aren’t valid. They most certainly are, even if they may be altered by this condition.

Anyway, I hope the new year finds everyone well. 2011 was easily the worst year of my life, between losing my brother, the situation with my marriage, and my dad looking like he was circling the drain a few days ago(he’s doing much better now). So far, I can’t complain about 2012, but I really hope it proves to be a year of redemption and recovery.

Thanks again for reading and following my drama. So glad some people will listen to my side of it.

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in reply to: Husband Trying to Cope… #1169640

I do apologize for turning this thread into a discussion about my marital problems.

There was a bit of a blow up last week, and long story short, she’s going to go and move in with her mother for a few months. We’ll try again after some time has passed. I’m leaving her on my insurance and encouraging her to see her endo to get checked and schedule the RAI as soon as possible. My concern is that her mother lives an hour away, AND the two of them don’t get along in close proximity for very long. I’ve seen it time and again.

She continues to blame me for things that have happened in the past, things that just shouldn’t be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Meanwhile, I’ve become a bit of a dullard, never leaving the house, not involved in anything outside of work, don’t hang out with my friends… the list goes on.

Pragmatically speaking, this is probably the best thing for the both of us, but it doesn’t change my heartbreak at the fact that it’s come to this. It’s better than divorce (which she was originally demanding), but the uncertainty is just overwhelming.

I’m seeing a psychologist now and have started on anti-depressants, and I’ve got a plan for dealing with the sudden change. We’ve worked out a custody agreement for our son, so looking at this objectively, things could be much worse.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and advice. I’m going to take the time to work on myself and try to be prepared for whatever comes next.

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in reply to: Husband Trying to Cope… #1169637

Thank you, everyone, for your input. It offers hope, but I’m not sure if where she is now is where I may have made it seem, so I’m going to try to clarify:

It’s probably worth pointing out that she’s not having the Grave Rages anymore. She’s decided on RAI treatment if she doesn’t go into remission, but with her not getting checked, it’s hard to say what’s going on with her thyroid. She could be hypo now for all we know.

There’s something always wrong with her – pulled muscles in her back, sick, tired, stressed… Though she doesn’t have the rages, she’s mostly cold and distant, and she generally would rather be absorbed in whatever she’s interested in at the time than spend time with me or our son. We usually never do anything on our days off together, aside from go to a friend’s house where she generally doesn’t directly interact with me. She does eventually spend time with my son and I, but it seems like it just isn’t really what she wants. Her interactions with me in particular seem really impersonal. When I ask her if I’ve done something, I’m usually just met with stoic silence. It’s getting REALLY hard to deal with. I have no power in the relationship, so trying to set boundaries would either be ignored or shot down.

What’s really starting to bother me is that she seems to hate her home life. She loves her friends and the people she works with, but any good mood she may have been in at work seems to be gone when she gets home, and there’s always an excuse for why she doesn’t want to do something. She says that she loves me, but the dynamics of our relationship have changed so drastically it brings me to tears. I’m not even sure if I can believe her.

If you’ve dealt with hyperthyroidism and have been married, do things like this happen despite treatment with ATDs? I don’t want my marriage to fall apart, but it’s starting to seem inevitable. It’s to the point that I’m about to see my doctor about anti-depressants and therapy to deal with my own grief, and I’m losing hope that RAI will make anything better.

Any encouragement that can be offered in light of this would be greatly appreciated…

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in reply to: Husband Trying to Cope… #1169628

I have no idea what her levels are. I don’t think even she knows. She doesn’t get tested very often, about every 3-6 months or so. She was on 2x10mg/day to start and has been reduced to 1x10mg/day, but it all seemed like guessing (she even said the when the endo reduced her amount he said "we’ll call you if your labs say you need more"). The last test was 2-3 months ago, was told at the time she’d only be tested once more before RAI/thyroidectomy, due in February, I think.

I saw a pair of links in another thread about locating a specialist, and couldn’t find this doctor on either site – leads me to believe he mostly deals with diabetes. He hasn’t provided her with much information – at least anything that she’s able to remember. I’m not sure what she asked about when she went in there, either. I’ve asked her about getting a second opinion about her treatment, but I think she’s ready to have this over with. It may come up again when she’s hypo.

Thank you for the link, it was a good read. I hate that this disease is so poorly understood, but I’m glad that there’s ongoing research into the effects of it.

We’re in Memphis. As much as I’d love to attend the conference, we’re just not in a financial situation to make the trip. I’ve looked for support groups around here, but I haven’t had much luck.

It’s possible that she’s doing that for her friends, but I’m not sure. Communication really isn’t there anymore. When I bring anything up, it usually turns into how I’m doing something wrong. I don’t want to make this sound like it’s all bad all the time – it’s really not. It’s just not the same, and I’ve got my own share of problems I need to deal with. We do have another married couple that hang out with fairly regularly. I may talk to them and see if there’s any way I can get them to back me up.

Thank you for your time. ” title=”Smile” />

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