[KAM]

in reply to: This is ruining our Marriage #1061912

Hi,

I will try to keep this short. Reading this pretty much recaps the last two years of my marriage. I honestly think my wife left our marriage more than she left me. That being said things were pretty much the same. People say to find an Endo that understands and find a therapist that understands….. Where? Endo’s think that as soon as they get the patients numbers back in the box they’re good. That’s like saying that an alcoholic is cured as soon as they stop drinking. I personally feel there are a lot of parallels to substance abuse. The mind is being overly stimulated for too long. With substance abuse you have something to point at. Not the case with GD. Sure, the doctors can point at a lab report but that’s just a piece of paper. As with substance abuse the spouse gets sick too, but in a different way. As it has already been stated you need to take care of yourself first. It’s like the oxygen mask in the plane, you are no good to anyone once you pass out. Put your mask on first. The book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz helped me tremendously. #1) Be impeccable with your words. #2) Don’t take anything personally. #3) Don’t make assumptions. #4) Always do your best. I have also found Alanon to be very helpful along with Spring Forest Gi-gong. There is also Tia-Chi and yoga and of course fishing to name but a few.

I hate to use the word nothing but there was very little that I could say or do to change her mind about anything. None of our problems had anything to do with GD. I really found no one willing to help or take a stand either. People really don’t want to get involved and they absolutely don’t want to take sides. So where does that leave you? Therapist won’t take a side. They will simply help the person make whatever decision is right for them. The Endo said they where fixed so it must be something else, and it is something else. Basically every bad thing that has ever happened comes up to the service and over takes every good thing that ever happened. We all need to retrain our brains to think about the good stuff. Pretty hard to do when your thyroid is all over the map.

When you log in it will show private message ( 1 ) I’ll leave my contact information there for you.

kam

[KAM]

in reply to: husband to new graves patient #1062598

Bobbi’s advise is very good. Don’t try to fix her. The challenge is you are a man/husband and we are programmed to "fix" the problem. The more you try, the worse it gets. Bobbi also mentioned being a sounding board. That is good advise as well but keep in mind you are going to hear a lot. You are going to hear things that come out of no where. So it is very important that you don’t take any thing personally. The book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz helped me out a lot with that.

Being new you may not know about the private message board. When you log in on the middle on the page it says (new messages) I’ll leave a note there.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Do you understand me? #1062787

Hi Bill,
I personally don’t have Graves but my life has been very effected by it. Or as you mentioned did my life effect the Graves? In my opinion Graves effects people much the same way as alcohol or drug addiction in that it effects more than just the person who has the desease. They make your mind race, it creates worry about insignificant things. I could go on and on as we all know. Life is crazy, you are not. I am not. It has taken a lot of work on my part to learn how to quiet my mind. Meditation, acceptance, keeping my thoughts in the moment. Personally I was either never taught how to do that or I was was really not paying attention. It is very much a learned skill for me. You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are.
Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Depression after being stabilized #1062813

Hi,
You should give yourself a huge at-a-girl for dealing with this disease. For a young person like yourself to have found this site and then have the confidence to post a question is very impressive in my opinion. I don’t have Graves but I a have a dear friend that does. Is it normal to have to see a therapist? In this day and age it is pretty normal for a lot of people young and old to see a therapist for many different reasons. Having a therapist that you feel comfortable with and enjoy working with is very helpful. I don’t want to rock the boat with your mom but keep in mind that the phone book is full of therapists. I wouldn’t discount the value of them if the person you are seeing now isn’t a perfect fit.
Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: ANY SUGGESTIONS #1067135

Hi,

As a spouse I can say the common thread here is that the Graves person doesn’t neccesarily realise their level of irritability and moodiness. A few things to remember; anger is only one letter away from danger, anger is your enemy,
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY, don’t assume things. Find a support group of some kind. The likelyhood of finding a local GD support group is pretty low but there are lots of different groups out there that will give you a safe place to go once a week for you. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Spiraling #1067679

Hi,
Right after my wife was diagnosed she started doing cross word puzzles every day. Prior to that she would do then every now and then but when the GD was diagnosed she really became committed. At first it really bugged me a lot. My ego got all bent out of shape because she obviuosly was way more interested in her cross word puzzles than she was in me. I now know it is because it is her way of exercising her brain everyday to see words, if that makes any sense.

Your husband doesn’t think you’re nuts. He just doesn’t underdstand what is gong on. Get a hold of the book Grave Disease in Our Own Words and ask him to read it after you are done with it. You can buy it on the NDGF home page I believe. If not, Amazon. It’s not a big book and it’s not a technical read either. It helped me out a lot.
Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: So tired of this… :( #1067771

Hi,

Like the other posts have stated, hang in there sweat heart. It is a rough ride but you will get through it. My wife was diagnosed two years ago. As a husband I can tell you your husbands world is being turned upside down right along with yours. GD wasn’t in the brouchure ” title=”Sad” /> This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. This isn’t what life is supposed to be like. On the right side of the screen under my name there is a PM. That stands for private message. If you think it would help feel free to contact me and I will get you my contact information. I would gladly talk to your husband, if he would like, as would many other hubby’s out there. In the mean time breath deep and try to keep yourself in the present moment. Like the old saying goes, you can’t stop the waves of thoughts going through your mind put you can learn how to surf.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: how do you get over the anger? #1068099

Hi again,

On behalf of moran husbands every where may I say this. Yes we worry and no we don’t show our emotions like women do. We like it when you take time for yourself, it lets us step up to the plate and show of our good stuff. Hockey, you sound so much like my wife when our kids were young. Trust your husband, he may be a moran but he’s not stupid. You may also want to treat it as a bit of training for yourself. Our kids are all in the upper teens now and we have been taking week long trips to the Boundry Waters Canoe Area for the past six years. You’d be surprised what you can live on for a week. Not to mention what we smell like after a week. Your kids are going to grow up and they may want to go wilderness camping with their dad. No phones, no radio, no computer, nothing, see yah when we get back. It’s heaven. Take the time, relax and be nice to yourself the big guy’s got things covered.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: how do you get over the anger? #1068088

Hi,

My wife was diagnosed with GD two years ago. Her numbers have been back inside the box for more than a year and a half. She is divorcing me claiming irreconcilable differences. The thing that bewilders me the most is her flat line attitude / anger towards me. The only conversation we can have is about the divorce and terms there of. If I disagree with something or try to fight it out comes the rage. Her numbers have been in check for over a year and a half, from the things that I read GD shouldn’t be a factor anymore. Then where is all this anger coming from? I have concluded that GD never really caused anything but it magnifies everything. But that’s just my opinion. Perhaps I am just trying to hide my faults from the powerful GD microscope.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: mood worse #1068414

Hi,
My wife has graves and has been on a very low dose of Methimozole for just short of two years. It is a wonderful drug, it brought her numbers down to normal and has kept them there. Please take what I am saying with a grain of salt, I am the spouse. Her numbers are stable and her endo is starting to step her down off the drug to see if she can hold in remision. Glory halaluya but unfortunately perhaps a little too late. Life has been tough for us the past six yers for many reasons. Looking back at it though I keep getting hung up on the aspect that our marriage really went south after the Graves and TED was diagnosed and she went on Methimozole. I have read so many posts about people not being themselves anymore but you will come back after everything stablizes. I have posted question about the drug myself. Is it me? Is it the Graves? Is it the drug? Is it all the other things in life that havn’t gone according to plan? She has been asking for a divorce for the past year and a half. Five months after going on the drug. We will be seperating in two weeks after the kids are back in school. I realize nothing is over until it is over. Perhaps being seperated and having her step down off the drug will improve her desire to work on our marriage. All I can say is that she is no longer the person I married and hasn’t been for close to two years. We’ll see in the next few months if that person comes back. Things didn’t really change after she stabalized so I doubt if things will change after the drug goes away. Maybe I am just reaching for an excuse for the failing marriage…

Thanks for letting me vent. Absolutely no scientific anything to back up my opinion. Methimozole is a wonderful drug that does what it is supposed to do very succesfully. IT WORKS. And I don’t have Grave’s so I shouldn’t even be commenting.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Anxiety/Panic Thread….. #1069943

Hi,
I logged on today to see if anyone has had a problem with anxiety / depression / mode swings while being on Methimezol. My wife has been diagnosed with Graves for a year and a half and on this drug (half of the lowest doze) for over a year. My wife does not want Graves to effect her life. She has told me that she believes our bad marriage, me, caused her to get Graves. I don’t believe this because there are thyroid issues on her side of the family and that isn’t the way the disease works. My stance is that the Graves and the anxiety/panic it brings created a lot of stress in our marriage. She served me with divorce papers in March but I have so far been able to keep her from filing with the court. Who knows maybe I’ll be served tomorrow. I feel I have played all my cards so to speak to try to improve things. There is still a lot of stress but no smoking gun if you will. I told her last week that I understand that she can have a good day followed by a horrible day and that her mode can swing on a dime. Her response to that was that only happens before you get on medication. Could have fooled me. So back to my original question could this behavior be connected to the Methimezol? When I read something about Graves or mention anything about this site she gets very mad. She says I am just trying to figure out what is wrong with her and why does there always have to be something wrong with her. I’m just trying to understand. Oh yeah, I read Claire Weekes book as well and loved it, my wife would have nothing to do with it, wouldn’t even read the cover.

Thanks,
Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Lack of Support #1071891

Hi,

My wife has GD and it has been a very tough road the past two years. It would be nice if GD was all you had to deal with but sense we all are a part of the thing called life we get the deal with that at the same time as well. I’m not a Dr. but if you have been seperated before I think it is safe to say there are, let’s just say issues. Both my wife and I have found Al-anon to be a very good support group. There is also Emotions Anonymous, both can be easily found in your area with a google search.

I know for myself it was very hard for me to except that things were not as I had imagined them to be in my little married life bubble. Yes, guys/husbands have an idea of what a happy marriage is supposed to be too. When that doesn’t happen and you are doing the quote unquote things that you are suppose to do it is very frustrating to him. Again I don’t know what is all going on. The book Grave Disease, In Our Own Words was very helpfull to me.

What it comes down to it this thing forces you to look at yourself and your marriage under a microscope. When you do that you will find a lot of stuff you don’t even realize is going on. The hard part is that you have to be willing to look. You both have to realize that the only person you can change is yourself. As far as marriage counseling goes remember you can shop for a therapist just like you would shop for a car. Find one that you both like and can work with. If money and or insurance coverage is an issue I refer back to Al-Anon and Emotions Anonymous. You don’t need a referal and the meetings are a free will donation of $1.00.

I too would be willing to exchange emails with or talk to your husband.

Hope this helps,
Jeff

[KAM]

in reply to: graves is a psychosomatic disease #1072113

Hi and thanks for the responses,

My wife is the one persueing the divorce. As far as GD goes she doesn’t want to have anything to do with it so it can’t have anything to do with our problems. I am pretty sure she won’t walk across the street to go to the conference yet along down to Charette. This site is for people that have real cases of Graves, not her. She is on one half of the lowest dose of Methimezole and her numbers have been stable for a year so GD has nothing to do with it. She had eye surgery for TED last June but that was just what it was. I have never been invited to an appointment with her endo. The balk of the information I have gotten is from reading books and the internet. She gets really mad when she sees me reading a book about GD because I am just trying to figure out what is wrong with her. Why does there always have to be something wrong with her We have our issues like every other married couple in the world and I am responsible for my share. The thing I hate the most about the disease is it makes you look at everything from a negative viewpoint. That is all the more difficult when it is coming from someone who has always been very positive.

We have seen two different counselors in the past year. Finding someone that understands this thing is not an easy thing to do. She has agreed to meet with one more one time, that will happen on Wednesday. Hopefully things will go well and she will go back because I am pretty sure she won’t keep looking.

We have also been dealing with a CD son for the past two years. That has taken a huge toll as well. He is doing really well right now so that takes a lot of pressure off. Let go and let God, one day at a time.

Thanks for the support,

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: graves is a psychosomatic disease #1072109

Thanks for the thread,

My wife was diagnosed a year and a half ago with Graves after being diagnosed with TED. It has been a very rough road which has brought us to the brink of divorce. Hopefully that will be avoided. As a spouse I agree fully that there is a real shortage of information about the pshycological aspects of this disease. To here it explained that it is the opposite of what you think is very helpful. It is a physical disease that manifests itself emotionally. I have no idea but for the grace of God how we will get through this without divorcing. It is getting better little by little each day. Unfortunately time is running out on the clock. It’s time for a Brett Favre like last minute charge down the field for the win with 2 seconds left in regulation. Nothin is over until it’s over.

Kam

[KAM]

in reply to: Bad Thoughts #1073175

As a spouse of a person with Graves may I say this. Let the significant others in your life know about this so they can know that this is something caused by the Graves and not by them. Kam

[Author]

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