[Girl]

in reply to: Teenagers with graves disease? #1063633

I was diagnosed when I was four (or maybe three). I’ve never had it as bad as you. I just see a specialist every six months and have been on various amounts of methimazole and synthroid. They’re hoping I just won’t need it eventually, trying to wean me off.

I suppose that having it so young, before I even really developed as a person, I’m not able to tell what is a symptom or just how I am. I can tell with the eyes, though. When I was little, people were constantly asking me what was wrong with my eyes or kids I didn’t even know would just bug their eyes out trying to “stare” back at me. I just told them that’s the way they are. I don’t want sympathy and my story isn’t even worthy of that because nothing too terrible has happened to me. You don’t bring something up like that in conversation. So when at school hepatitis shots were being given and there was this girl bawling her eyes out because of her fear of needles I sit by and think, “I’ve been having blood tests regularly for most of my life and my doctor is talking about future surgery and YOU’RE the one who gets consoled?” I hate how selfish that sounds, but it’s how I felt in a moment of weakness. I was young.

I haven’t had surgery yet, but the thought scares me. I don’t want some gaping hole in my throat held together by strings. And my vocal cords, what if they get damaged? I need my voice, the way it is. And the scar. I already don’t like how I look. Must we add to it? I’ll still have to take medication every day either way so why must we cut me up?

It’s all just this part of me that I can’t talk about because I’ll sound like I’m looking for pity. I just want people to understand. But I guess my symptoms aren’t as severe as yours or cancer so I’ll just go along a secret hyperactive thyroid soon to be removed.

By the way, I’m sorry about ranting, but that’s what I use the internet for. Someone to talk to when saying these things to the people I know is just too much.

I’m sorry about everything you go through and you really help me realize how lucky I am to have gone this long without trouble and you’ve had hell in only a couple of years. I feel like an idiot.

[Author]

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