[NikkiDay]

#1058744

I’m struggling!

I started having heart palpitations and feeling very dizzy, light-headed, and nauseous back in July of 2011. At that point I went to my GP who had a blood panel done and that is when we discovered strange thyroid levels. Now, about five months later, I’ve finally received the diagnosis of Graves’ and I’m trying to weigh my treatment options. My concern is, will I ever be normal again?

I know that most likely I’ll be on medications for the remainder of my life and it will be a constant effort to maintain my hormone levels – but these physical things aren’t what scares me. I feel like I’m losing my mind. My emotions are off the chart – I feel sad and depressed all of the time. I’m exhausted, presumably from stress. I’m SUPER sensitive and cry at the slightest inclination that someone is saying something harmful to me. When I do feel hurt, I react with such severe and hurtful outbursts that I inevitably damage the feelings that others have towards me. Now, I’m starting to feel like maybe this is just me for the rest of my life.

I’m recently married and I feel horrible that this is what I’m making newly wedded life into for my husband. He is very supportive, but he has now made comments that imply that maybe he thinks I’m using the disease as an excuse or that he thinks that the symptoms are exaggerated due to reading about the reactions that others had to the disease – and he’s making me think that maybe he’s right.

Feeling like you don’t have control over your own body and mind is the most horrible thing that I have ever experienced. I’m constantly achey and feel miserable – which leads to depression and anxiety. Everyone that I know is having children, which makes me horribly sad because that’s what I want to be doing right now. I just want to scream, "IT’S NOT FAIR!"

I need some sort of hope – I need to know that I’ll be okay, both physically and mentally, and that someday life will go back to how it was when I was happy. But, more than that – I need to know that I’m not losing my mind and that these are normal reactions – if they aren’t, I really think that maybe I need to talk to someone in the mental health profession.

All that I want is a happy, healthy family. I don’t know what to do next!

[Bobbi]

#1169768

Having aberrant thyroid levels does create emotional havoc, NikkiDay. Our emotional response to things becomes totally unreliable until we get things back under control. One of my friends said she had a sign on her refrigerator that said, "Zero to Bitch in 3 seconds." So try to keep in mind that your fears right now are being fed by the same, unreliable emotions. Your nervous system is "off," you are anxious and tense, and, yes, it all feeds into fears and tears and what have you.

Do not anticipate a "constant effort to maintain your hormone levels" for the rest of your life. That will be the norm for a while, but not necessarily forever. In large part it depends upon which treatment option you choose, and how volatile your own individual antibody levels are. Antibody levels rise and fall for no well-understood reason. Some folks have more trouble than others with swings. While you still maintain your thyroid, you may have more adjustments to make than someone who gets their thyroids rather completely removed, but the norm is for medication levels to stay somewhat constant, within the normal zone, without wild swings.

So, take a deep, calming breath, and try to relax just a wee bit. We do get well again, over time. And welcome to our board.

[NikkiDay]

#1169769

Thank you, it just helps to see people saying that I’m not being absolutely nuts!

I know that a major part of it is probably that this is such a stressful time – trying to learn about the disease and understand it and find a treatment that fits what I want. I think the fact that my biological clock is ticking so loudly and many of my friends and family are pregnant is adding to the stress. I just want a healthy body that will be safe to carry babies in!

[snelsen]

#1169770

Nikki, this is a very busy day for me, with almost no time at home. I will write a PM (private message) to you and your husband tonight. YOU WILL go back to BEING YOU in every sense of the word, really! I was 22 when all this hit. I’ll write tonight (am in Seattle.)
Love, Shirley

[Kimberly]

#1169771

Hello – Here is a nice article about the mental/emotional symptoms that go along with having thyroid hormone levels out of balance. (You will need to use your browser’s "back" button to return to the boards after viewing).

http://www.ngdf.org/cms/modules/files/u … 784485.pdf

Wishing you and your family all the best!

[snowboo]

#1169772

Are you on the anti-thyroid meds now?

To be honest, I’m no graves’ pro, but I don’t handle them well at all. I get weepy (from the pills) and irritable (from the graves’) and I’m hot and it’s unbearable (graves’) and cold and it’s unbearable (pills). I’m tired all the time on the pills too. My muscles cramp and I’m weak to the point of tremors some days (that, in my experience happens on the meds and off the meds). I remember last time I had a flare up and was taking 10mg of tapazole and 80mg of beta blockers a day for two years (it took forever to stabilize) and I told my doctor the pills made me want to die. As soon as I got off them after I stabilized, I felt better.

Like I said, I’m not a pro and this is just my experience, but yeah, it is so, so hard to know where your ability to control your emotions ends and the disease begins. ” title=”Sad” /> I think that’s one of the roughest parts of this.

*hugs* I hope your hubby finds a way of understanding and being supportive.

[NikkiDay]

#1169773

I’m not on meds right now – I was just diagnosed and am currently trying to decide on treatment. I think that I am leaning towards RAI – I’m waiting on some information from an OBGYN on their opinion as to whether the treatment will have any long term affects on my ability to safely carry a child.

The worry that I have is maybe these things are more than just from the Graves’ disease – maybe there’s something more serious going on mentally with me – and then I wonder if that’s just the high level of anxiety from the disease. It’s like a never-ending circle – and the worst part is that I KNOW that I’m crazy and not acting rationally but I can’t stop. I feel very much at my wits end.

[NikkiDay]

#1169774

I contacted my endo. today to ask if there was anything that I could take for these emotional rollercoasters – she said that I should take the Propranolol for the palpitations and tremors – but no comment about the anxiety and emotional issues – she said they shouldn’t be too severe since my levels weren’t that high….

I also just spoke with my OBGYN’s office trying to get an appointment to get her opinion on RAI and how it will affect my ability to have a healthy pregnancy and she can’t see me for a week and a half. AHHHHHHH!

[snelsen]

#1169775

Well, you are accomplishing something! Were you taking both those meds before? (I am not checking your prior posts right now)
But it not so great that she told you that you SHOULDN”T be feeling like you are on an emotional rollercoaster because your levels are not that bad! For you just told her how you feel, and that IS how you feel. Ok, I just looked back, and see that you are not on ATD’s right now. I do think now that you have begun the ATD’s, that you will feel better, not feel as emotional , hyper and all the ways we are when we have undiagnosed and untreated Graves’. So take them, and this is a time when you need to be reporting how you feel, and getting frequent labs in case the dose needs to be adjusted. Hope she said those things, too?
Glad you are seeing your OB. My small bit of advice is to see how familiar she is with the whole situation. It is very likely that she is not very familiar with the guidelines for getting pregnant after RAI. I would consider going to a high risk OB doc, but you have a lot of time to think that through.
Shirley

[snowboo]

#1169776

Yeah, I think not being on anti-thyroid meds is worse than being on them. Even if you’re only slightly hyper, there are still effects on the entire body. Propranolol won’t affect your moods much, but it will calm you down a little. Seems to me they’d want to get you stabilized with methimazole as soon as possible before deciding what treatment to pursue after that. Some people even go into remission on the methimazole too (I did, for about four or so years).

[miltomal]

#1169777

it has been a few months since my own RAI. I seem to remember that doctors recommend that you not get/or get anyone (in my case) pregnant for a year after RAI. Maybe someone can verify this for you.

We all know what you are going thru these days… hang in there because you will get thru this!!! Yoga, deep breathing, walking outside and getting some sun…these are just a couple of practices that helped me quiet my mind during my journey.
Best wishes!
Steve

[Bobbi]

#1169778

The recommendations for how soon to get pregnant after RAI vary from doctor to doctor. They have two different bases. First: You need to get healthy again before starting a pregnancy. This can take many months at normal levels of thyroid hormone. Since it can take some months after RAI to get to normal, controlled thyroid hormone levels, and since it can take months AT those levels before your body heals and you are healthy again, a year is probably an appropriate guess.

Second, most of the eggs in a woman’s uterus, are not "mature" at any given time. The most mature eggs, the ones that are about to be released by the ovaries, are the ones that would most likely be exposed to radiation from the RAI going through the bladder, being expelled from the body. Therefore, some doctors like to space pregnancies at least 6 months after RAI to assure that those eggs most likely to be exposed to RAI were released without being fertilized.

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