[Hopeful23]

#1074947

Well, considering I dont know your marriage outside of what you told us. I can however relate to it. I went through a stage where I hated to be touched cause I felt tingly as it was and it made it worse when i was being touched…I then however got on my meds and that went away pretty quickly so it could be how she feels or your marriage or both. I would go to a counsler if I were you. Marriage counsler together and maybe her alone, this isn’t a great disease to understand or deal with…emotions are all over the place and your the closest one around so of course you get the short end of the stick…hope it all works out….just be understanding with her the best you can…she will feel better in time.. "through sickness and in health"

[JoyC]

#1074948

Hi, Kam. I am sorry things are difficult. I know when my doctor gave me my Graves diagnosis, he told me not "to make any life changing decisions for awhile", and that more than one marriage has dissolved over this disease. I didn’t like hearing that (and am still not sure it was his place to offer that advice), but I can understand the obstacles it places in any relationship. I also had very sensitive skin when I was in the hyper levels and did not like to be touched. The disease can also leave you feeling a little isolated- it is pretty uncommon, and the symptoms can be so all encompassing. My husband and I had already been marrried 20 years when I got this disease, and I think our relationship is pretty good, but sometimes it is still hard for him to understand that I often feel REALLY bad, and can’t just take an aspirin and get over it. So, try to be understanding that she is sick, probably scared and confused as well. Also, going to some of her endocrinologist appointments to try to understand what she is dealing with might be helpful (if she wants you to). I hope you can work things out.

[KAM]

#1019909

Hi,
My wife was diagnosed with Graves a year ago. Prior to that she didn’t like me to touch her because her nerves where crawling out of her skin. As can be expected our marriage suffered through the winter. By spring she no longer allowed me to touch or hug her. She says this has nothing to do with Graves but rather the state of our marriage. I would like to think that it is the Graves and not her or I. Is shutting out your spouse something that happens with this disease or is this a marital issue between us? I hope this makes sense. Is there something I should or could be doing to help her?

Thanks,
Kam

[kallikat]

#1074949

I went through a period like that, also. My husband and I are VERY close and spend a lot of time together – we’re best friends. I think that is what helped us through all this. For a while I felt uncomfortable being hugged – but I also felt uncomfortable in coats or snug clothes – I didn’t even wear a coat all winter last year! And my mind was foggy, too – so I couldn’t really communicate these feelings very well. Unfortunately, he became ill with diverticulitis and had to have a colostomy – so we had other reasons not to hug up as much, and his illness took presidence over mine in that regard. So it never became the big issue it probably would have been. Our timing was perfect, though – as soon as he recovered from his second (colostomy reversal) surgery, I had started feeling better. Hugging is not an issue anymore.
Through it all, we BOTH learned patience and compassion for each other on a whole new level. Stick by her (maybe not too close right now!) – but be there for her and try to be understanding, even though it’s very hard to understand. I know you care very much for her or you wouldn’t have logged onto this site.
You’re in my prayers.

[elf]

#1074950

Kam – if what you mean to say is that your wife says hostile things to you – that is most likely Graves. Or part of it may be that she’s unhappy somehow, but the Graves makes people very irrational. People with Graves may be realizing, in the moment, that they are being psycotic, but they can’t do much about it. I’ve said a lot of things to my husband, I’ve thrown things at him – before I had RAI. It takes almost a saint to accept a Graves person, and help her.

If your wife’s disease is under control, either with meds, or she had RAI or thyroid surgery – then she’s vastly a normal adult, and then it’s a different story.

[Katherine]

#1074951

I’m sorry to hear about the problems between you and your wife. While I’m not married, I will admit that I had no desire to date while on ATDs, mainly because I never felt well and was moody all the time. I didn’t want to put someone through that if I didn’t have to. I’ve also lost a lot of friends in the last few years because they couldn’t understand what I was going through and just thought I had become flaky because I would never show up to anything.

The healing process can take a long time. Even though my labs showed that I was "normal" for about a year on an ATD, I never felt that way. I had RAI in June of this year (after two years on ATD) and now realize what I mess I had been. Once your wife is feeling better she’ll be thankful for your patience. Be there for her if she needs it, do as much around the house to let her rest, and try not to take too much of it personally. My endo also said that I shouldn’t make any huge life choices within the first couple of years of being diagnosed and now I understand why.

Katherine

[JParsons]

#1074952

Kam,

I feel for you man and fear we are really in the same boat. My wife was diagnosed with GD about 2 years ago. We have been married for 13 years this last December. She has always been a little quirky which is one of the things I have loved about her. For the last 6 months or so though she has become unbearable as far as the things that she will say/do to me. He are hardly ever able to touch without her telling me to get away. We have two children and decided last night that we would give it until memorial day weekend if things dont change between us we would be going our seperate ways. This tears me up and is not how I want things but at this point Im not sure what else I can do. Any advice would really be apreciated.

[Ski]

#1074953

Hi JParsons,

I’m so sorry to hear that your relationship is in such a desperate situation ~ if there is any way at all to get some counseling together, it may help. Your wife needs to understand that she is suffering a chemical imbalance right now, and the things she’s thinking may not be entirely rational. Still, that’s impossible for YOU to say to her, given the strains in your relationship. We typically advise that patients take time for themselves as a priority, so if you can do anything to promote that for her, give her time to get out and do things that make her feel fulfilled, that give her joy, her opinion of you (and treatment of you) may improve.

This is a REALLY tough time, and I feel for you both. Try to forgive all you can. I remember my "rages," and they were not pretty, OR rational. It’s a frustrating feeling ~ I used to liken it to a train overtaking me. I am SUCH a calm, easygoing person typically, but I’d be going along just fine one day and then something would happen and the train would run me over and next thing you know I’d be a spitting, yelling, shrieking shrew. Those who know me now would say they can’t believe it. But it’s VERY true.

Hang in. If you tread carefully now, the two of you may end up much stronger. Best of luck. Please let us know how it’s going.

[gemsile]

#1074954

I’m sorry for your troubles, but it is encouraging to see a spouse trying to find a way to help, rather than these horror stories of people who just refuse to deal with their emotional partner. My boyfriend and I are not married yet, but we plan to after college. Just going through school together, my health is a major issue he has to deal with everyday. I always feel bad but I can’t always help it, especially when I’m in a "state" of not wanting to be around him for a while. He takes it all in stride and is there for me when I need him. But I know it will be something we’ll have to deal with throughout our lives together, especially when we have kids.

I wish you the best, and hope everything clears up, including your wife’s health. Know that while you may feel a bit helpless and "victimized" in this situation, simply wanting to be able to truly help her is a noble thing and proof of your love.

[Buttamama28]

#1074955

I can definitely feel your pain. However, I am on the other end. After, months and months of watching me suffer, be hospitalized, weep, etc. I am at a point where my significant other won’t touch me. I think me being constantly, sick for the last 5 yrs. has finally turned him off. He says its not me, but it is him grasping what is happening to me. So, I think there is hope for you- keep communication open. Let her be honest with you about her feelings, but you do the same. And definitely seek some kind of counseling.

[Author]

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