[amyl]

#1073929

Hi Jenny,
I read your entire post and just thought…wow… You sound so stressed out and without hope. I’m no expert on this disease…my son has it, not me. I just wanted to let you know that there is somebody out in cyberspace that cares about you and I hope you get some relief soon. Why don’t you have your husband read your post? It might help him understand just what you’re going through. From what I’ve read of other people’s posts, it sounds like you’re not alone with your concerns. I’ll leave the advice to the expert and just say "Hi" and I hope you get some answers soon.
Hang in there!
Amy

[DianneW]

#1073930

Hi–Wow, I think most of us here identify with a lot of what you just wrote, so you’ve come to the right place! The trouble with hyperthyroidism is that it leaves us so incapable of coping while creating behavior that causes even more to cope with. The medical system is too slow, people around us don’t understand, and we’re told to be patient when we needed to be well YESTERDAY!

I know it has to be scary for you that your marriage is going through so much strain because of this disease. I know you don’t have control over your feelings, but perhaps it would be worth finding other coping mechanisms so your husband didn’t get caught in the cross-fire of your illness. You need his support, and I’ve heard of many marriages that fall victims to this aspect of Graves’ Disease. I destroyed a dating relationship before I was diagnosed, so I know what I’m speaking of. I was not a nice person. (Later when I knew what the cause was, I learned how to cope with it a little better, even if it meant excusing myself from the room when I knew I was about to blow.) It might take some work or even some counseling, but you probably can improve in that area. You might try telling your husband that you will make an effort, but that you need his understanding if you fall short sometimes.

It helped me to simply say my feelings were out of control and I needed to get out of there until I felt better. That seemed to be better than doing what I felt like doing. I’d had several nasty spells at work, and was really afraid that I’d be disciplined. More than that, I was afraid of hurting people I’d worked with for years and who had been good friends. There was really no way to explain to anyone about the disease without sounding like I was making excuses.

It would be nice if you could get treatment started so you could get on your way to feeling better. In the past I’ve actually walked in to the doctor’s office when I needed something right away, rather than wait for calls to be returned. That’s always worked for me, either to get questions answered or to get a blood test or prescription.

Maybe others here have some ideas on what has worked for them to keep from being abusive to their family members when in that "Graves’ Rage"?

[Ski]

#1073931

That’s a tall order, Dianne! ” title=”Very Happy” />

I always liked Jake’s answer ~ when he found himself in the midst of a giant Graves’ Rage episode, he would interrupt his tirade (still yelling) with "I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T WANT TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY! I AM SORRY!" On the one hand it seems so sad, and yet on the other hand it’s a little funny ~ it jogs everyone out of their "habitual" roles in crisis. The important part is that it lets everyone know you are aware that you may be acting in an irrational way, so it gives them an opportunity NOT to take it so seriously.

It’s a good idea to just get out, get away for a short time if you can ~ take a walk, a bike ride, a short drive ~ but also be aware that it is NOT a good idea to be out driving (bike OR car) if you are still furious. Give yourself a few minutes to breathe deep and calm down before getting in the driver’s seat.

One of the things that helped me was to discuss things that would "trigger" a rage after the whole episode was LONG over, when we’d all returned to a state of calm. You know, sometimes we think we’re mad that the dishes are in the sink, when in fact we’re angry because it seems we don’t get any help in general. After everything is quiet again, we can look at those things logically and try to express them without the fury ~ then at least we are starting a dialogue.

Another point is to communicate about what you WANT when you find yourself in the rage state (again, discussing it when you are NOT in that state) ~ some people want a big hug, others want someone to listen, still others just want everyone gone for a while, or they want to leave for a while. Whatever it is for you, don’t keep it a secret! Let those around you know what would give you the most satisfaction, and then watch them do it. It’s nearly a miracle. ” title=”Very Happy” />

[LonelyGirl]

#1019766

Hi Everyone,

I just found this board and I *hope* that I will be able to find support here for me! My name is Jenny, I’m 25 years old, married for 2.5 years and I was just diagnosed with GD in November 2008. I know I have had GD for a long time because I have always had the symptoms and they have always been hell! Right now, I feel like my life is falling apart! This disease is costing me my marriage, too!

I just recently moved to a new city about 40 miles away from the area I had been living in for about 4 years. I went to a new doctor in this area for a routine visit when I was told my thyroid was enlarged and I need a scan/uptake. At the hospital, I was diagnosed with GD and that’s when it all started to make sense. For as long as I can remember, I couldn’t run or walk too much because my heart would start racing, I would always be hot and get sweaty, I never gained any weight, muscle weakness and my emotions… just out of control! I just thought I was an angry person. Recently, with my diagnosis, I finally was beginning to piece everything together and make sense of it all. It was both relieving and depressing news, but at least I UNDERSTOOD what was wrong with me and know I wasn’t crazy!

My main problem is my emotions. I can’t control them! Everything makes me angry! I just start stupid arguments for no reason. My poor husband has been at the receiving end and I just feel horrible for putting him through this. I know it’s not his fault but I take it out on him all the time. My family lives 6+ hours away and I never get like this with them. But my husband, I see him every single day and I just take everything out on him. It gets so ugly when I fight, too. I have thrown so much stuff across the room, broken things, scratched things, everything! And the worse part is that sometimes, I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! And I just can’t stop it!! It makes me so mad to know that!! Other times, I feel like I just blacked out and can’t remember what I did. Even when my husband and I were in college, we fought so much!! I just thought they were normal fights, every couple goes through them and they go away. Eventually we got married and it got to a point where the fights got worse and never went away. We would have a good week and then a fight, we made up, three days later a fight, 3 days of not talking, make up for a week, then fight. It sucks!! My husband told me last summer that I needed help because he couldn’t believe how moody and angry and mean I was. But then when I was diagnosed in November, I realized that it was my hormones all out of control! My T3 or T4, I forget which, is supposed to be in normal levels of 90-170? somewhere arounf there. Mine is 650!! That is making me go crazy!! I explained to my husband that that’s why I am moody and bitchy about everything, but he believes that if I know it’s my hormones and am aware of it, then I should be able to stop fighting. I think the exact opposite, that because I know it’s my hormones, that I know that I have no control over it and I just physically can’t stop it!!! Recently, we have been fighting so much! And I’m scared I am going to push him away!! And that he will just give up on me! I keep telling him to just have a bit more patience and to let me get some treatment/medication/radiation, whatever!, and my hormones will start going back to normal levels and I will start getting back to normal, too. I feel so bad for him because I know he has reached his limit but I really need him to get through this. Otherwise, I won’t even care to do it. Today, I told him "I love you so much and I am so sorry for everything, I know you don’t understand what I am going through but neither do I and I’m scared. Just please support me through all this so we can get me better and get us better too." I hope those words stay in his head to think about today.

I am starting to feel like everything is falling apart. I can’t concentrate at work because I am thinking about my husband, if we are fighting, or about all my other worries. I am so stressed out!!! I feel like crying all the time! I feel so lost!! I asked for short term disability at work, because I think I need time off to get my head straight and start my treatment and focus on getting better. And I know that until I get myself straight and better, then everything else in my life will start falling into place and get better. But right now, I cannot deal with this!! I don’t know how to or what to do!!! There are no support groups in my area!! I just want to scream and yell and get everything out!!!!! I feel so drained emotionally and physically and mentally… I’m just so exhausted and tired of everything.

I called my endocrinologist today and I had to talk to his assistant, who can never answer my questions and it’s so frustrating because I feel I am not getting the answers I need. Sometimes I leave voicemails and I don’t hear back from them for days. I can never just talk to the doctor! I went to my appointment on January 13th and have yet to start my medication… I called originally because I wanted to do RAI but I never got a call back regarding that. And today I just called to tell them I want to do anti-thyroid pills insteads. Ugh, I am just so frustrated. I also asked if they could refer me to a therpist/psychiatrist/psychologist/anything to get help emotionally but once again, I have to wait for the doctor to call back. I know I should probably go to another endo, but I just didn’t have time!! I work for an accounting firm and I am jsut so busying working at clients, I just couldn’t squeeze it in. Now, I think I might have some more time to do that.

I’m sorry for this long vent, I just want to tell someone and just get it out. Even if no one responds, I feel better already. I just want someone to help me through this, I want my husband to just hug me and tell me that we will get through this and that he knows it’s not me, but he doesn’t care, he will hold my hand through it all… I am just so sick of this stupid condition and everything it has affected in my life. I just want to get better and move on!!! I really don’t know what to do anymore… I feel like quitting my job, my marriage, my family, everything… I just don’t have the energy for it.

-Jenny

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