[cathycnm]

#1071882

Jody – I am in rural CO, too. If you drop a note to my email on this site, perhaps we can network some. It sounds like you need some validation – as does your little girl. Drop a line if you want to network a little about rural CO. Cathy

[hyperm]

#1071883

Hi Jody,

Sorry to hear of your situation. It seems sometimes most people don’t understand the condition and believe it only to involve weight loss or weight gain. Would it be helpful for him to accompany you to the endo and have him explain the symptoms of this condition.

I truly sympathise with you and I can assure you that there is great support on here for you..

Hang in there

M x

[Marpo]

#1071884

RNFQueen

I am also in Colorado. I had my husband read your post. He said he will gladly speak to your husband about Graves’ Disease. So many men and women seem to have this problem. I am one of the lucky one’s that has a husband that wants to learn all he can about this disease. Some times it helps to have the spouse’s talk to each other and compare notes. Drop me a line

[RNFQueen]

#1019475

Hi all,

I’m new to the board, and was diagnosed with GD this past November. My issue is that I’m not really getting any support from my husband regarding my diagnosis.
Before November, I was misdiagnosed as having Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia for four years. Every doctor I saw told me that once I got my anxiety under control, my symptoms would go away. My husband and I separated many times over the last few years due to my anxiety and my dependence on him. My husband has a very bad opinion of doctors and feels that they give diagnoses out to make money or to tell people what they want to hear. Since I was told for so long that everything was "all in my head", he feels that my new doctor and endo are just trying to give me an answer. Even though the diagnosis was confirmed with blood work, he won’t have any of it.
He refuses to look into anything regarding GD and tells me all the time what a hassle it is to have a spouse who never feels well. He says that I have a fake disease and am just looking for sympathy. This is all in front of our 4 year old daughter, who then tells me to get over it. The rest of my family is across the country. They do support me, but wish I would move back East where I can see a doctor on a more regular basis and receive better treatment (I live in a pretty rural area in Colorado).
I guess I would like to know how you all dealt with your diagnoses. How did you educate your families about the disease? I really could use some opinions here. My husband can be pretty thick sometimes, and I am at the end of my rope. Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

Jody

[RNFQueen]

#1071885

I want to thank all of you for your responses.

Cathycnm, I am located in Pagosa Springs, CO. Don’t know if that’s close to your area.

Hyperm, I have definitely considered taking him with me on one of my appointments. I don’t know how much help that will be, though. My daughter has asthma and he has gone off on his speech of "doctors diagnosing every kid with asthma" even after leaving an appointment with her. I have had some board users forward me web sites that have articles for family members that I will be sharing with him today, so maybe that will help.

Marpo, thank you so much for your e-mails. I am definitely going to try my best to get out to one of the picnics or a support meeting. That poem I put on my fridge definitely raised my spirits this morning. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to look at my journey as survival. Everyone says that people find their strength and courage in survival situations so I hope that may help. I have also realized that I am not at fault here. If he can’t deal, then that’s too bad for him. There are plenty of people that would support me back in NJ, and plenty of friends who are there for me (especially my new friends on this board).

I think it’s time I do some deep thinking on my life and where I want it to go. I will be graduating college in June and it seems like a great time to start over. What I need is people who will love me with or without GD and people who will understand my mood swings, fatigue, and muscle pain. I wish I had husbands as supportive as yours, but if I don’t there’s nothing I can do except give him more information. So that’s the road I am taking. I plan on educating him today. If that doesn’t work, it’s just another thing on my plate that I can’t take right now. Once again, thank you all so much for your support.

[RhondaG4]

#1071886

RNFQueen,
The support that you will get here is awesome. I have an EXTREMELY supportive husband, whom is a cancer survivor amongst other things. And there are still times when I wonder, and know that really only someone with Graves can truely understand what your body and mind go thru. Kinda like a man having a baby…they just aren’t gonna get the physical part of it anyway *LOL*.

We are survivors, those of us just recently diagnosed, and those on here whom have delt with this for years and have "normal" levels. Mostly I feel like just surviving until I got my Dx was a triump in and of it’s self. I also look at the Serenity Prayer that they use in AA as a source of strength, even tho I’m not a drinker. Lord Grant me…..cause it’s not my fault I have Graves, and there are some things I just won’t be able to change. And being able to sit down with pen and paper and make a list of the things I can makes a difference. I can do these things…and then the ones I can’t do anything about….if it is housework or a real big issue, I just have to say "oh well, it’s all Gravey!" Just my own little play on words.

We are here for you. You are not alone by any means. Hope this helps. Take care, Rhonda

[Madame_X]

#1071887

YOur doc should speak to your H. This is hideous for you and I’m sorry this is happening.

Please nip this in the bud while you can; your youngster’s also getting caught in the cross fire. It’s definitely not a positive situation for her, either.

[mamabear]

#1071888

Sorry you are going through this. I have deleted everything that I was going to post because I after reading it over and over again I have to go with "if you have nothing nice to say about someone". ” title=”Very Happy” />

I don’t know your husband or if he was unsupportive before your illness, I don’t know the situation as to why you have broken up before but I realize that I am not a dr. and can’t help in that area. No matter what I or anyone says it is still up to you to figure out if you are in a good or bad relationship and if your daughter is worth staying in it and if it can be fixed. Is he just being that way because you are moody due to not knowing you had this disease or was he always like this. If he was always like this then you can’t assume he will change(if that is what you are hoping for). You might have matured during your time together yet he hasn’t so therefore you have to dig deep and do some searching and see if your relationship is fixable and if you want to put the time and effort into it. Or move and try to heal that way. Either way he needs to know that you are ill and that it is very real.

Did you confirm Graves with blood work or is this just the dr’s opinion when seeing your symptoms? If your dh isn’t that cool about dr’s to begin with (most people aren’t and rightfully so), then you need tests to prove it. Get the info and sit with him. Make it a postiive thing NOT a "you better listen to me". You sit down and say after all the bullcrap with dr’s that didn’t know their elbows from their knees FINALLY i got some real answers and blood work to prove that what they say is real. Always positive NOT negative. Don’t say things like finally i got real answers and I’m not crazy. Saying things like that only sets you up for him being negative and saying well that is opinion only or you can say you aren’t crazy but the jury is still out on that one. Ha ha funny funny what he thinks but you will get hurt from it and it doesn’t validate that you are really ill.

As far as your child saying that nonsense about what your husband says. Well to be honest I have 4 kids and I am a firm believer of kids do as I say not what I do. Period!!! I don’t care if someone says oh well you shouldn’t curse or fight or what ever if you don’t want your kids to do it. Bullcrap, dh works a job but that doesn’t mean he should stop because my kids shouldn’t be working right now. OR Kids shouldn’t drive a car so therefore dh should stop driving because you have to set an example. Nonsense and anyone who comes up with that to me doesn’t have kids or doesn’t have more than one. ” title=”Wink” />

You need to set your dd straight and if she says something like that she needs to be disciplined. Remember discipline is Latin, meaning Teach. You have to teach your dd to respect you always. If she doesn’t listen then make her listen by teaching her why she should listen. There is always time out or go to your room. Tell your husband that if he feels the need to disrespect you either he should breath into a paper bag till the feeling goes away OR he can save it for when dd isn’t around and you can discuss it then but NOT in front of her. and explain to him that when dd says something that she shouldn’t and it’s because she heard it from him that she still gets punished for it even if he thinks its ok for her to speak to you that way.

Grab a hold of those reins and know that you aren’t alone but you have to do some searching about your marriage and what is really going on. That can only be done with him and your pastor,minister,rabbi,priest of marriage counselor of choice. Many relationships that have illnesses end because of not being educated, not mature enough to handle the situation or just plain they dont want to deal with it.

Prayers this goes well and that you fight for your family and health.

[mamabear]

#1071889

Ok I have to say this….. If he is a kind person and has become in a way you dont like it might be because of the way have acted due to your illness. Don’t break his hump over it, try to take it with a grain of salt and realize that he has been seeing this from way on the other side. If he is a good man, he might just feel that you have given all the burden to him and he is fed up with it and fed up with teh dr’s and bullcrap (in his eyes) and just wants you to get off yer butt and do your work in the house and take care of him and your child. Remember there are always two sides, what he sees and what you see. But it doesn’t mean one is better than the other. It means he saw it from his point of view and you saw it through yours. You were sick and didn’t know what was going on and he saw a mean,moody lazy woman sitting about the house complaining all the time.

BE HONEST and tell him to be honest and DON’T get mad when he is honest. We tend as females to take everything so personally when our dh’s tell us the honest truth. Heck i’m all for honesty, tell it like it is so there is no doubt as to what he is thinking. There is no nonsense about it and its right out there in the open. He might say hey you and I haven’t had sex in 2months or 6months and I need some and you better do something about it or i’ll go get it else where! Yes he might say it, but don’t get upset, say "i’m sorry I haven’t been myself, thank you for letting me know that you feel lonely and i’m sorry i haven’t made you feel attractive or something like that…." Always make a negative postiive. That was his way of saying hey I miss us, yes in his own rude insensitive way but hey Men are from Mars and women are from Venus is the truth.

Take a deep breathe and remember that if he has change due to your actions during your illness and not being diagnosed properly then you have room to fix things and heal TOGETHER. There is always a way to win your marriage back and grow together!!

ok I said it I said it I said it…I had to because family takes a beating as well as the one who is sick and he might not be such a non supportive person after all. He might just not be able to figure it all out and not know how to go about making you happy so you can both move on.
Posts can seem harsh and some very bold, when you aren’t looking at the persons face that is actually typing it’s hard to judge the way the post should meant to be taken. Trust that I am being sincere and that this post comes from the heart and that marriage is important and should last forever as long as it is with the right person!!

((((((((((())))))))))))))

[hyperm]

#1071890

"RNFQueen" wrote:

I want to thank all of you for your responses.

""Hyperm, I have definitely considered taking him with me on one of my appointments. I don’t know how much help that will be, though. My daughter has asthma and he has gone off on his speech of "doctors diagnosing every kid with asthma" even after leaving an appointment with her. I have had some board users forward me web sites that have articles for family members that I will be sharing with him today, so maybe that will help."""

Hey, I know what you mean regarding an increase in diagnosis of asthma – however, these are diagnosis which in turn are brought under a general term. My GP agreed that although my eldest little one is one inhalers at the moment it is most likely he will grow out of his asthma whereas I am chronic asthmatic and have had some really scary asthma attacks which resulted in ventilation etc.. however my sis also seems to have been diagnosed yet smokes and takes her inhaler in between puffs ” title=”Smile” /> ” title=”Neutral” /> but has only ever presented as "chesty coughs on occassion". However, with GD there is blood work for proof and your endo (hopefully a good one like mine) would be able to explain to your hubby why you are feeling the way you are.

My endo told my hubby that he had a patient who murdered her husband and is now in a state prison – he admits that there were social reasons in the background but when she was referred to him her levels were raging… He also told me (I have said this on here before) that my levels were so bad that if I had commited murder in that time I would have gotten off with it as he put it "yes you were going off your flipping head, your levels were in orbit!". It may or may not help your situation but its worth a try….we could even start a thread on here for partners? Then maybe he would be able to read about other patients / couples etc…
I really feel for you.

We are all here to support you

[KAM]

#1071891

Hi,

My wife has GD and it has been a very tough road the past two years. It would be nice if GD was all you had to deal with but sense we all are a part of the thing called life we get the deal with that at the same time as well. I’m not a Dr. but if you have been seperated before I think it is safe to say there are, let’s just say issues. Both my wife and I have found Al-anon to be a very good support group. There is also Emotions Anonymous, both can be easily found in your area with a google search.

I know for myself it was very hard for me to except that things were not as I had imagined them to be in my little married life bubble. Yes, guys/husbands have an idea of what a happy marriage is supposed to be too. When that doesn’t happen and you are doing the quote unquote things that you are suppose to do it is very frustrating to him. Again I don’t know what is all going on. The book Grave Disease, In Our Own Words was very helpfull to me.

What it comes down to it this thing forces you to look at yourself and your marriage under a microscope. When you do that you will find a lot of stuff you don’t even realize is going on. The hard part is that you have to be willing to look. You both have to realize that the only person you can change is yourself. As far as marriage counseling goes remember you can shop for a therapist just like you would shop for a car. Find one that you both like and can work with. If money and or insurance coverage is an issue I refer back to Al-Anon and Emotions Anonymous. You don’t need a referal and the meetings are a free will donation of $1.00.

I too would be willing to exchange emails with or talk to your husband.

Hope this helps,
Jeff

[cathycnm]

#1071892

RNFQueen – I am in Montrose – so close but not neighbors. When I first had Graves – it was hard on a lot of relationships – my daughter, my boss, etc. Lot’s of folks were mad at me. And I was just mad – short tempered, etc. Things are better now that my levels are stablizing – but I was hyper again recently and got edgy with folks. I think once you are feeling better, then you can look at the situation and see if it is an unhappy marriage or just the illness talking. I recently told my daughter that I was going to have my TSH drawn before every major decision from now on – and if it is off, I table the decision until it is normal again. That is a bit of an joke but with a strong thread of reality in it. If you get to Montrose – email and maybe we can have coffee. What are you taking in school?

[Author]

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