[ewmb]

#1069441

It can be hard. I have had times when I knew my husband was very frustrated with things over the past two years. I had RAI 11 weeks ago. Things will get better. Maybe you could get him to read some of the posts here??????? It will be hard to go it alone. Hope you can get some sleep tonight.

ewmb

[Ski]

#1069442

I would recommend against making any final decisions about a relationship while you’re still unwell. You do not have any idea how much of the way you’re feeling is simply the condition and how much is truly a relationship issue. Stay separated if you feel unsupported, etc., and things do not seem to be "in sync" between you, but don’t make it legal during this time, please. I know that when my levels are off, all kinds of things bother me to a truly irrational degree ~ please don’t take that badly, I have no idea what the events are that you are talking about, but I do know that sometimes, at this point in treatment, we think things are red when they’re green (emotionally), if you know what I mean. There’s no harm in giving it more time.

[vintagegreen]

#1019129

Hi, I’m back and ready to vent a little.

I just told my husband that I wanted to try a legal separation. It seems like he doesn’t understand my mental state, one that is still so fragile. I’m not trying to be a b!tch, but he is taking things so persoanlly. He doesn’t seem to realize or even absorb that every aspect of my life is on hold, and he wants love from me. I cannot love him the way I did, not right now, at least, and eveything he does seems to fall short of my already-high expectations. He wants to go ahead with things we previously agreed not to do, and that concerns me. He wants to proceed with things that really give me anxiety.

I know no one here can really solve my problems, I just wanted to vent a little.

Yesterday, I met a GD person face-to-face!! She was a neighbor’s friend. She was my first person I’ve met, and although she is currently hypo as a result of RAI, she understood me—it was bizarre talking to a complete stranger about the intimate details of our experiences. Well, at least I know she got through it, and I hope i CAN TOO!

A

[Sue_Conard]

#1069443

I totally agree with Ski…now is not the time to make any legal decisions !! Trust me, in that, I too don’t have the understanding here either, but my husband is good to me in many other ways. It’s sad, but I too get more understanding and compassion from my gfs, rather than my husband. Hang in there and sort out first what is GD and what is the relationship issues. He doesn’t understand what I’m going through emotionally, even physically. He just knows that I walk around here like an old woman some days. I was diagnosed in Oct. 08 and one day JUST LAST WEEK, he said to me "so what is the dr. going to do for those muscle & joint aches?" WHAT!! Just a week ago and it’s been 6 mos. I’ve been symptomatic so I totally understand. Like I said, my husband has other qualtities but he’s not interested in GD, how it makes me feel, etc. If it were him, I would want to know everything possible to help him, but he’s just not a nurturing person…totally, the difference between he and I. Men, most of the time, want to "fix things" and when they realize they can’t "fix it", they tend to deal with it in their own way, different that women, for sure!! Know we’re here for you and thinking about you.

[hyperm]

#1069444

Hi sorry things are not good. I just want to say I have been there. My marriage was a really strong foundation and once this whole personality change/illness etc… came along things have went pear shape.

Certainly since the birth of my last wee one – if you look back on my posts – my life was in a terrible state and my family life all over the place. This condition completely rocked the boat where I can honestly say (to help you I am going to be so honest) that I hated my husband and he me!! We often spoke of divorce even when things weren’t heated…. It still is very hard. I have to try and remember that its hard for him too as he has had a sick wife for 4 years and any energy I had and have I put into the kids…. I also must admit that because I have become so unwell over the last few years I offer him no sympathy when he is ill – which I know isn’t right but to be truthful I panicked because I would think – how am I going to cope. to be honest I lost track of him as my husband and seem as more a means to and end to get through my day helping with the kids. I have tried to stop thinking like that but it is taking a lot of time ” title=”Wink” />

I would have to agree with the others please try to just hold off until things start to settle. People really don’t understand what this condition can do to your life and family life. My mum is so supportive and sometimes when things got really bad and I packed his bags and told him where to go she would say do you think thats for the best or can you think like this " he doesn’t beat you, he doesn’t abuse you, he is a good father, he is trying hard, he has a lot of strain on him with work and trying to care for you and the kids while working from home, he doesn’t go out drinking or you are never left wondering where he is or who he is with". She tries to help me see that although times can be absolutely awful and we were on the verge of seperation…….can you try a wee bit harder and see beyond the days of illness..

Its a horrible situation to be in and I pray that you start to feel better and life becomes less stressful xxx

[npatterson]

#1069445

Any lawyer that is worth his salt willl NOT take your case. It would be recognized for what it is–a REACTION to a physical problem, not a well-reasoned (RIGHT!!) ACTION.

When I can, I try to get couples to at least agree that "all bets are off" for the time being. Treat each other like friends–sometimes not even very good friends–but be polite, civil.

I don’t push our book very often, but the book Jake and I copiled "Graves’ Disease: In Our Own Words" is super for this type of situation. I think I have four copies. Send me an e-mail to "nancyngdf@bellsouth.net", and we will arrange for you to get a copy. Both you and your husband need to read it.

Counseling, not necessarily marriage counseling, but couples counseling, can really help, too. The therapist needs to know what Graves’ is, and what it can do. Frequently these counselors are involved in Rehab Counseling. I have sent reams of information to therapists all over the country from time to time, so they will understand the situation.

You both need to come to the Conference in October. There will be groups for patients (there are lots of us), and groups for the spouses (lots of them too). They need a chance to vent, to hear others, to be validated, and to come up with workable solutions. The psychaitrist that will be speaking also has Graves’, and to hear him tell of his early days is not only funny (because it is so close to home), but an eye-opener (because most of us have had the same problems).

There are some really good posts by spouses, both here, and in the archivess. It takes some effort to find them, but they will help him (and You) see that your problems are shared, and acknowledged by others.

Take care,

[vintagegreen]

#1069446

Hi Nancy,
this message/thread was lost and I couldn’t find it earlier to respond!

He’s ordered and read the book, and still feels like it is me–not the GD person–but the original me who’s treating him badly/unfairly. etc. All I can say is that because he is over 5,000 miles away right now, he doesn’t see the day-to-day suffering that I go through. He actually told me that he understood what I am going through! Not to evoke pity, but it gets pretty exhausting just dealing with all of this every day and mustering up all the energy to drive myself to doctors appts and hear more bad news alone, confirming info that I have previously read about in my books. While I feel I understand the exact trigger point and have tried discussing it with him, he continues to unemotionally respond to me, making each phone call more of what I term a business call. If I can be honest, I am aware that he’s read that book, Sara Rosenthal’s book, and info on this website—because I directed him to these sources. These were my attempts to get him involved. Ordinarily, he is an avid reader…..

I’ve not ordered the book. I have a lot of other reputable books, and I feel from reading them I understand where I am. Not to discount the book that the authors have written/compiled, but I’m not "there" with wanting to read another one.
Thank you for the response to my post.

Off to bed!
A

[Andros]

#1069447

Graves’ not only wreaks havoc on the body but the emotions as well as you are finding out. Nancy is sooooooooooo right; I had 2 years of counseling during my worst time w/ Graves’ and somehow we managed to put the pieces back together again albeit in a different way but I am so much better for it and so is my husband of 40 years now.

Hang in there and don’t do anything rash. We are here for you.

Lu Anne

[Author]

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