[jrs1218]

#1058932

I was diagnosed with Graves in June 2011. I tried Methimazole for a while. My body reacted strange. I got itchy, I went hypo, when I was finally down to 2.5 mg? every other day (1/2 of the smallest dose), I was still hypo. I had the radioactive iodine finally on February 24th. I think I am doing pretty well. I went incredibly hyper for a couple days, but overall everything that was expected.

I guess the question I have is will I ever stop yelling? I can’t take pressure anymore at all. The wind chime outside my house bothers the hell out of me. My son bumping into me annoys the hell out of me. My husband is just about the nicest guy out there and I know I’m annoying the hell out of him. Depression, that I beat about 8 years ago, is back with a vengence. I haven’t thought of killing myself in years and all of a sudden it sneaks back into my mind. (I won’t act on it though…it’s just a thought that rears it’s ugly head.)

I can tell my son is really getting beat up from me yelling all the time and he is only 8, he doesn’t deserve it. He does need to learn to listen better, but it’s not his fault that I can’t deal.

To top it all off I found a lump near my spine yesterday. My husband says it’s nothing and says I worry too much. I know I worry too much. I can’t make myself stop. I worry that I worry too much. Then something pisses me off and I can’t stop yelling again. Does it stop? I was always a really caring kind person and now humankind annoys me. What do I do when I’m no longer the person that I liked being? I hate the critisism in me. I hate the critical voice that keeps bitching. I hate that I cuss now. I can’t find strong enough words to express how much everything rubs me wrong.

I’ll probably delete this tomorrow when I swing back up and can hide how annoying everything is for a few more days, but I’ll still be trying to figure out how to stop it.

[Bobbi]

#1171024

Oh, wow, jrs, I’m sorry, but this is unfortunately one of those times when you have to wrap patience around you like a cloak. You’re only one month into the RAI. And, it’s good that you are feeling better. Even a little bit. Basically, what happens when we get the RAI is that our thyroid levels are all over the map for a while. You mentioned being incredibly hyper, briefly, for instance. Yes. As the damaged thyroid cells die off, they release hormone all at once. And then, you start to be depleted in hormone: hypo. Where you spent a lot of time in the past year. Until your thyroid levels are controlled in the normal zone, your body cannot “heal.” Our bodies are resilient. They do heal, but it takes time.

So. The yelling stuff. Maybe there is something you can do to put a bit of a wall between your emotional reactions and your verbalization. My parenting mantra — even without the Graves — was “I am the adult, he/she is the child.” Which I often had to repeat under my breath many, many times. Even before the Graves. Can you figure out some of the triggers and devise a plan for avoiding them? Don’t focus on your eight-year-old not listening (in general). Eight year olds don’t listen typically. That isn’t the problem. The problem is that you are having trouble coping these days. So, what is going on that he isn’t listening about? If you get my drift. Can you restructure things, in advance, to avoid the problem. Is whatever it is something that you can ignore — at least for the next few months? Can you remove the trigger altogether? (For example, right now the wind chimes are beating on your last nerve. Take them down. It’s temporary, but probably necessary.) If your son’s behavior while you are getting dinner ready (I called it the “arsenic hour.”) is a part of the problem, can you do dinner prep while he is at school, and refrigerate it? These may not be perfect examples of your situation, but they may help you to figure your way through things. At least I hope so.

This emotional issue we have is temporary. Our hormones are majorly out of whack, and it takes its toll. But our behavior can have long-lasting impact. And we can control our behavior, some of the time at least, by recognizing what is going on, and analyzing how to adjust ourselves to it.

And, last, if yelling is inevitable, I find it helpful to send “I” messages, and not “YOU!” messages. It minimizes the damage to the other person’s ego while getting the frustrations out. It is a statement of fact, rather than an attack on the person. Example: one busy day, my gardening work had been interrupted, and I hadn’t had a chance to put the gardening tools away. When my husband came home from work he said, “You never pick up the garden tools.” My response was, “Yes, I do. I pick them up all the time!!! I pick EVERYTHING up all the time!!!” Well, obviously, not that day. Now if my husband has accurately described HIS problem with an “I” message (“It really upsets me to find expensive tools lying around in the dirt outside…..”) I would have immediately apologized instead of trying to defend myself. So, when I was in the throes of Graves, I made sure to verbalize my outbursts with “I” messages. Typically, it was yelling something like, “I know this isn’t your fault, but I cannot cope with this dinner mess.” Or whatever. Jake, one of our first moderators, reported that he would yell “I love you” before whatever was getting on his nerves. “I” messages help.

[jrs1218]

#1171026

I have to head to work, but just read your post. Thank you very much! i will respond tonight.

[trudy]

#1171027

jrs,

What Bobbi said. I’m a newbie, but I have read that after RAI it takes some time for things to settle down. And I understand that it takes some time after being hyperthyroid when you’re not on meds for the body to get that stuff out of its tissues.

I myself am shocked at how irritable I was before I was diagnosed and went on Methimaloze.

I don’t know anything about children, but is 8 too young to explain that you don’t really mean to be irritable? and that in a few weeks it will be better? Or would mentioning an illness frighten him?

I would have that lump checked out. I worry about stuff like that too, and 99.99% of the time it’s nothing but why not put your mind at rest about it.

Are you on any kind of med to deal with this? My doctor convinced me to take Ativan, even though I know it’s addictive. We compromised and I take it once a week, which at least gives me a break from the anxiety and general hypochondriacal craziness.

What about lifestyle helps – listening to favorite music, doing something you’ve enjoyed in the past. Maybe getting a babysitter and going out to dinner with your husband.

[jrs1218]

#1171028

Today is much better. Thank you for all of your encouragement. This has been a long process. It sucks when you know what is wrong, but feel helpless to change how you are feeling.

I haven’t yelled today. To put it in a better perspective, I probably only yelled 3 times in the last 10 years until this last year. If I make it through one day without yelling now it’s a miracle.

I am unhappy with myself because I keep gaining weight. (I didn’t even lose any when I was fully hyper. I was starving and ate and ate and ate.) I feel like I need to exercise, but haven’t done it in soooooo long. Hopefully I will be talking to my endo soon. I need to find out what i can do. Since my heart rate is down I should be allowed to do most things. I was almost at the point where I was going to start exercising when my heart started going all funky. I totally know I’m a couch potato, I just haven’t dealt with that part of me yet. I feel like one thing at a time. I get too overwhelmed. I wasn’t fat enough to do anything about it, but this morning, my scale told me I am, so I NEED to do something.

I went to the doctor today. My L3 and L4 vertebrae are both rotated. He prescribed massage therapy and I am going to take it! It hurts a heck of a lot. The lump I can feel is a fluid filled sac from the injury. He said it’s just like when you sprain your ankle and it gets all gooey swollen. My back did the same thing on the inside.

I have repeatedly talked to my son about how I don’t mean to yell. He kindof understands. He is a lot older than his years intelligence wise, but not emotionally. His not listening is the problem. It’s the same problem in different circumstances. For example: We went to the pool this week, he hung on me and hung on me and hung on me. I told him over and over and over again to stop and he just wouldn’t. I finally told him I was going to dunk him every time. That slowed it down a bit. He repeats himself 40 times in a row. I ask him to stop after the 5th time and am ready to choke him by the 40th. When I walk next to him he runs into me repeatedly. His impulse control is horrible. I’m trying to just tell him to go into timeout after the first warning. I need to stop worrying about how he feels and punish him in public too. If he’s embarrassed, maybe he will stop. I may have to adopt, “I LOVE YOU!!, NOW STOP!” Maybe he will get that.

After sitting at the desk for this long, I wish I had asked for a muscle relaxer. Ouch. I have to get up!

I appreciate your assistance very much. I feel like an uncontrolled animal sometimes. It helps to sob and type what I’m feeling and I get the added bonus of help from people who have been there. Thanks again guys!!
Jenn

[adenure]

#1171029

Hi Jenn,

I just wanted to say hi and let you know you’re not alone out there. I’m frustrated with feeling this way too from GD. The methimazole is helping, but I’ve only been on it 2 weeks. Sleeping is really hard for me, and that certainly doesn’t help in dealing with feeling tired and not 100%. I have 4 boys (8 y.o., 7 y.o., 4 y.o. & 4 months old). I homeschool them; sometimes being patient before Graves was tough, but now I find it can be harder just bc I’m feeling tired, I worry about the Graves and how it’ll effect my life in the long term. I wonder if I’ll ever be my normal, energetic self again- 100%. I used to play tag with my boys, dance around, act silly, and have endless energy. Not so much anymore. Since taking the methimazole, I’m feeling a little better, but I want my old self completely back too. I want my old self completely back for my kids and my husband. It sounds like you are dealing with a whole lot right now; I completely understand about the “worrying” part. My husband says I worry too much too. He’s right. I worry a lot about stuff that never even happens. I’m trying to change that. One day at a time. Hang in there and big hugs to you. Also, I did explain to my boys (all of them) that I’m not well, but that I’m on medicine and that in a month or so hopefully I’ll be feeling better, but that we all have to be patient. They’ve come with me to the doctor & to do labs and waited in the waiting room with my dad or mother in law- it helps them to understand some.
Alexis

[adenure]

#1171030

Oh, and I also get how noises and sounds can bug you. My 4 year old is the sweetest boy, but he talks and talks and talks and talks… and he has a high pitched voice (what 4 year old doesn’t, right?). It takes all I can not to tell him to stop talking because he just wants to share stuff with me, but oh man, sometimes it’s too much. There are times when I tell him to use an inside voice (which he’s still working on…) and yeah, I’ve told him to be quiet a handful of times, but I try not to because I know he just wants to be with me and share stuff. Probably the same as your son. Hang in there. We’ll all get through this.
Alexis

[tbrabitz]

#1171031

I have had graves for a number of years. But I also have three boys ranging in age from 11 to 17 yrs old. My eldest has emotional problems, my middle 12 yr old has ADHD, and my youngest has epilepsy. So one can imagine that it is a very chaotic household. My 12 yr old had to grow up early and they have never seen me prior to graves. I was a pure mess with a new baby no less at the time. (my now 17 yr old)

I still have difficulties. And out of all my boys, I have found those bad days, they understood. They know when I am not myself and want to be there to help me all the time because they are concerned for me.

If I find they are bugging me.. I take several deep breaths and tell them, I am not feeling well. Please Stop. And if that does not get their attention, I try to tell them I know your concerned but I need mommy time right now. They have been dealing with me all their lives. Dont be afraid to let them know you are not feeling well.

Sit down have a family meeting about it. Let them ask questions. If they dont know, then that would be a time to talk. Before the patience runs thin. Create a plan for mommy time. If they are too young.. do a code word that they know how to help when that time comes.

Also look into Magic 1-2-3. I modify it for baseball terms which my boys love and under stand. Even at the age they are today.

With my 12 yr old.. (he has ADHD and not medicated) I found that i had not been spending anytime with him with everything my household endures (and my frustration was mounting). So we plan for mommy and him time. Even if it is just learning to cook something. playing a game. going to a movie. (just examples). (suggested by a therapist)

If the depression continues.. trying something new. something you would not have tried before, but were interested in. For me it was taking up knitting. It focused my mind into what I was doing and gave me time to myself away from everything.

[jrs1218]

#1171032

So, now it’s a couple days past my complete mental breakdown. I feel better. My husband read this post thread and offered to take down the wind chimes. I explained to my son that repetative noises really tweak me out. I asked him to limit his repeats to only a couple. But seriously, we had a really good talk. I am now able to say that I am trying to control myself, please stop so that I can get myself together. He’s trying.

I need to go get my levels checked. I keep putting other things first. I know I need to put myself first, but that’s not who I have been my whole life and I want a little normalcy. I am promising myself I will go tomorrow after work, my back therapy, and my son’s ortho, etc. I found a new lab that is closer to my house. The last guy who drew my blood was horrible. He was shaking like he drank a 40 of mountain dew after his morning coffee pot. I have donated a couple gallons of blood and never met someone that bad at drawing blood.

Thank you for all of the encouragement. It came when I really needed it. I’m glad I found this page. It feels nice to know that others are dealing with the same things you are. (I would rather none of us had to deal with it though.) thanks again!!
Jenn

[Kimberly]

#1171033

@Jenn – That’s great news that you are seeing a bit of relief. However, please don’t put off getting labs done post-RAI, as you want to start replacement hormone as soon as it’s appropriate.

As for the shaky lab tech, I would seriously say something to the manager of the facility! I’ve had good lab techs and bad ones over the last 4.5 years…but I’ve never had one that was visibly shaking. I can see how that would make you not want to go back! However, you definitely need to take care of yourself.

[snelsen]

#1171034

Hi Jenn,
Darn! Not ok to have a traumatic blood draw. I have done (and had) a million of them. Every now and then you get a stinker. A suggestion that I tell EVERYONE is to drink lots of water before you have labs drawn. Especially if the first thing in the day, for we are depleted of volume after sleeping all night. If you are having a fasting lab, and that is usually for eating food before a fasting blood sugar. But you can still drink water! with glucose.
GOOD JOB with your family! That is just great! Now you are not alone, at home with this, and you sure have a lot of new friends here!
(: Time to get your labs, though.
Shirley

[katherinesc]

#1171035

Hi Jenn: This is a WONDERFUL SITE to get all your frustrations out in writing…and WONDERFUL PEOPLE to read them too. I was dx 4 yrs. ago and LIVED ON THIS SITE for MONTHS, almost the first 2 years. Now I’m having different struggles, but the emotional stuff still “comes and goes” periodically. I find myself getting very “reactive” and I try so hard to “stop it”, but there are still times it doesn’t work and ask for forgiveness afterwards or just cry my eyes out til they hurt from the TED. It’s a constant battle for me personally. Best wishes and stay here with us through all your challenging times. Sounds like you have a wonderful family.

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