[vanillasky]

#1174913

These posts brought tears to my eyes. My husband is not as bad as that, but he is pretty bad.
He belittles the whole thing and pretends there is nothing wrong with me. I did leave him once about 2 years ago because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and he didn’t seem to care about what was going on with my health. He never thought I could have Graves Disease and he didn’t say much when I told him the doctor called and said that is what I have.

I try to go by the old saying “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” And I realize now that it is my time to take care of myself. My time to shine. He has problems with Diabetes and a heart stent, but he functions much better than I do. So now I take care of ME. that’s what you must do and for the sake of your child also. Take it a day at a time. My mother-in-law told me that when she was dying of colon cancer. She said “I take it a day at a time.” And that’s all we can do.

He drank the poison, and he’s making you die for it. Don’t die for it.

[jstephens]

#1174914

Sometimes i wish i had a open letter to the wives of GD patients i just compelted my first year of having GD and TED. looking forward to things calming down

[vanillasky]

#1174915

There is nothing worse than feeling “all alone” especially when in a crowd.

I don’t have much family left. Just a husband that doesn’t seem the least bit phased by this disease and of course, I must not be selfish and realize that he has enough on his plate as well, like Diabetes and a spinal disease, but I have always been supportive to him and never dissed him for it. I cannot feel his pain and he cannot feel mine.

I think what I am or maybe we are looking for, is just a little understanding and compassion. Since I have been diagnosed, I have told a few people what I have and they all say “What is Graves?” No one has heard of it. And I always knew what it was, even as a child. I don’t understand people. I suppose if you don’t have a thyroid that is as whacky as mine, that you don’t understand it.

Some relatives just figure I’m going through menopause when I talk about feeling so hot, and sweating and heart racing. I realize it is confusing because those symptoms seem to be the same, but Graves is a disease and menopause is a condition that shouldn’t be nearly as bad as Graves.

When I am feel “hot”, it seems like he will just ignore me. I go for an ice pack once in a while. I wouldn’t dream of asking him to go to the freezer to get it. He probably is too busy watching TV. And if the heat is on in the car, I could just about blow up. I self combust! But he still keeps it blasting, says he’s cold. I think some compromise should be reached about this and the house’s thermostat seeing my thermostat is not working properly.

I also get very tired. I don’t sleep at night but get tired after dinner and have to lie down. He never comes to check in on me. I always wonder if I die in the bedroom, how long will it take him to find me? A few days? He does not seem to care.

This is definitely putting a huge strain on my marriage and I would gladly leave if I was well.

[Maple]

#1174916

The worst for me is people who say they understand and support me but they don’t actually change their behaviors one iota to try to reduce stress for me. I honestly wish they’d come right out and say they don’t care and it’s too much trouble for them to bother with. Instead when I try to share what’s happening with me all I get is silence or changes to another subject now. It is especially hard because I’ve been the one that has been there for them in the past, listening to every little detail of their physical and life problems. Now the shoe is on the other foot but they won’t wear it. It is hard not to be bitter.

[vanillasky]

#1174917

Maple, you couldn’t have said it better. That is exactly what is going on with me. I cannot stand someone who changes the subject. My mother will listen but then start talking about racking her leaves outside or her cousin and how she is doing with her neighbors. You would think having a sick, only daughter, would have phased her. I feel very alone and lonely and that is why I joined this group. Thank you for your comments because you really hit the nail on the head.

[PolishTym]

#1174918

The most previous comments really resonate. I was on the phone with one sibling last night and she mentioned how she knew that of the five of us, this other sibling would be the one to come down with a serious illness, which the other unfortunately has. But it made me wonder if my siblings have any idea what I (and you all) go through.

I find myself not saying much because I don’t want to come off as a complainer, and I keep hearing how most of these family members are under great stress so I don’t say much. If I am honest, I will be told not to worry my mother. If I am not honest, they act like I have a bad cold or something.

So we posters have each other. To those of you in marital strife, I don’t know your particular situations I and am not making specific recommendations. But as a brother of sisters who have all been divorced at least once, I wanted to tell my sisters who were poorly treated this: “You are special and you deserve better, and he needs to know it. If he doesn’t change, change the situation.” Take it as my reflection.

[vanillasky]

#1174919

Thank you, I love what you have to say. And most of all, I believe it.

[Khadijah]

#1174920

I guess this happens more than I realized. I think people are use to you being strong and taking care of them and everything else, so when you have a serious illness they can’t handle it because they are more dependant on you. My husband goes nuts when I am sick. By the time he realizes how sick I am I am already feeling better and don’t need the delayed help.

I asked my husband to go to my endo today and this time he went but he made me ask the doctor why my libido is so low. And the doctor (second opinion but my first choice) is anti-surgery. And since I had accepted my fate and was on the road to surgery my husband loved that the doctor “shot me down” about surgery. Maybe I should not have brought him! Ugh.

[Author]

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