[Khadijah]

#1059476

He told me his friend’s wife has GD and she runs everyday. And she stayed in a hotel (which is something i suggested) for her RAI and it was no big deal. Once again, he thinks I’m a hypochondriac and I have no reason to be ill. And he’s too busy to go to the doctor with me.

[adenure]

#1174899

I’m sorry you don’t have the support you need. It certainly doesn’t help. If his friend’s wife is running and has Graves, my guess is her levels are normalized. Even when our hormones are normal, we still have Graves- it’s just that it’s managed and we’re able to live our lives like we normally do and feel well again. If you are hyperthyroid (ie, your levels are not balanced yet) then exercising is not advisable bc of the muscle waste that hyperthyroidism causes and also bc of the strain on your heart. I don’t know if you’re having heart palpitations, but exercising if you do is a bad idea! Also, the heart is a muscle, so Graves, left untreated, can cause heart problems or even heart failure. It’s nothing to mess around with. It’s too bad your husband can’t or won’t go to the doctor with you– if he accepts that you have Graves, maybe direct him to the letter on this board from a husband of a woman with Graves. Maybe he’ll read it and take it to heart.

[Bobbi]

#1174900

You know, Khadijah, some people believe they “have” Graves, even when their thyroid levels are controlled in the normal zone. It is a question of attitude and semantics. The friend’s wife may be taking antithyroid meds, or have done some other treatment option which now has them in the normal zone for thyroid hormone. But if YOU are hyperthyroid right now, your doctor is the person to tell you that you can run, not your husband, and not your husband’s friend. If you are currently hyperthyroid, you are ill. Period.

We do get well again once our thyroid hormone levels are controlled in the normal zone, by whatever means we use (antithyroid meds, or removal of the thyroid). So keep that thought.

[adenure]

#1174901

http://gdatf.org/about/about-graves-disease/patient-education/an-open-letter-to-husbands-of-graves-patients/

[Khadijah]

#1174902

I am not a runner so I know he wasn’t expecting me to run, he just wanted to make a point that GD is not that bad if someone can “run”while they have it. I asked him again to go to the doctor with me and he said he was too busy.

Getting sick with someone like him is a nightmare. I had a disability and was on bed rest the last two and a half months of my pregnancy. He was a complete monster during that time. My son has some issues and since the pregnancy I have focused on my son and not getting a divorce. I lost my job last year and now I have that same horrible feeling when I was on bed rest and completely helpless. I swore when I got better I would divorce him, and now this.

My marriage to my husband is like the story of the frog and the scorpion. The scorpion begs the frog to carry him across the pond and the frog says “no, you will sting me and I will die” the Scorpion says ” no, I promise I won’t sting you. Please please take me across the pond!” the frog takes him across the pond and the scorpion stings him. The frog asks the scorpion as he lays dying “why did you sting me?” and the scorpion says “I can’t help myself, I am a scorpion that’s what we do.”

Now, you see why I want to get better fast. But, I am coming to the realization that this will take months and months…I just hope I can survive till then.

[Kimberly]

#1174903

Hello – I’m sorry that you are going through all this without a good support system at home.

The letter that Alexis posted is a great reference. Also, if your husband might be willing to invest a little more time online, we have some great video presentations on Graves’ on our YouTube Channel:

(Note on links: if you click directly on the following link, you will need to use your browser’s “back” button to return to the boards after viewing, or you will have to log back in to the forum. As an alternative, you can right-click the link and open it in a new tab or new window).

http://www.youtube.com/user/gravesandthyroid?feature=results_main

In the meantime, if you need a place to vent, you can always find a kindred spirit here!

[catstuart7]

#1174904

Khadijah I’m sorry you are going through this while dealing with marriage difficulty too. It doesn’t matter if someone else somewhere on the planet has GD and is unfazed by it. What it’s doing to you is what matters, how you are experiencing it is what matters – there is individual variation. Is there any way you can get some extra support while going through this? Any counseling maybe?

[PolishTym]

#1174905

My wife has been great through this whole process, but there have been times when I’d complain to her about other family members’ seemingly lack of concern. Yes, our individual experiences with Graves’ vary. But if you don’t have Graves’, you have no idea what it is like.

It seems times of trouble are when the underlying issues rise to the surface. As my wife told me, taking care of the health comes first.

[Naisly]

#1174906

I’m not going to lie to you – It is hard!

But it does get better.

I get the feeling your in ‘panic mode’ – “I can’t dance, I can’t get divorced, I can’t look after my son; what do I do, what do I do – Leap.”

ALL those feelings are just; they are who you are. And here comes Graves disease, stepping in and now taking over making everything even more extreme pushing aside the logical YOU and enhancing the emotional side. This is very normal. I also have the feeling your so much in a panic that your willing to do about anything to get this disease out so you can get on with your life, and to be honest I don’t blame you. In reality this isn’t going to happen. Educate before you leap.

To get your life back, you need to start with a plan – but in order for that to happen you will need to get control over your anxiety, and emotions, because quite frankly, Graves is in control at the moment.

So, I suggest you read EVERYTHING about Graves Disease, get on some ATD’s and a beta-blocker (these will help with anxiety and stress, as well as some symptoms, such as tremors, fast heart beat etc) BUT for the sake of your own health, talk to your doctor first!

Let me ask you this – How are you going to educate someone else on the disease if your emotionally a wreck and not educated as well? <--- This is the key. I’m sort of in the same boat, but I’m not going to get into that right now, but what I will say is that when I was first trying to get my partner to listen to me, because he was just like your husband. I sort of played dumb and would show him something on the computer and ask him if he knew what they meant ( I knew the answer), you see I gave him the power, and after a while of doing this I would move up to a full article – I noticed he was actually understanding most of it, then I made a big deal about how smart he was. Then I finally asked him if he could teach me. This is not a perfect formula by no means, but for most part it works. It’s actually something I have learned as a parent. And well (men close your eyes please!) we all know men are like children and usually have huge egos. You need to take control back, and once you do, you will feel very empowered, and once this happens, you will be able to make the right decisions for YOU. ~Naisly

[Alyianna]

#1174908

Very well said, and some wonderful advice Naisly! I think things would become much easier once you get medicated, regain the logical, lose the overemotional caused by Graves. It couldn’t hurt to try Naisly’s approach to getting your husband educated either. I am pretty sure that would work on most men I know.

The one thing that frustrates me is… there isn’t a quick, easy fix. We don’t just get tested, get a prescription, take a pill and are feeling better within a day or two. I just had my very first day in over 2 months where I didn’t need some kind of pain med to make it through the day! Fortunately, today is another good day! Try to be patient with yourself and I wouldn’t suggest making any big decisions regarding anything until you are really feeling well again. Our minds are more affected than we think while we are still sick.

[Khadijah]

#1174907

Thanks everyone! I see the doctor on Tuesday and will talk about the next steps. I did get the results as well so I now know for certain I have graves. I would say in the last week I have accepted my fate. I already discussed beta- blockers and doctor said I did not need them. I do like the idea about showing husband an article and say I don’t understand… Mr. M-I-T will love that one!
Yes, I am reading everything I can. But, I do want to get well ASAP no doubt about that. But, I understand that isn’t happening anytime soon.

I had to tell my teacher I wouldn’t be in the show in March. That was awful. I still hope that I can get well enough to at least do a solo or something…I know wishful thinking.

[snelsen]

#1174909

Wow. If your endo says you do not need ATD’s be sure to ask a lot about that when you see your endo. That does not sound right. You have the classic symptoms,a nd your labs document it. What can he/she be THINKING? Do you need a 2nd endo opinion. See how Tuesday goes.
Shirley

[Khadijah]

#1174910

No beta blockers because I have a little asthma and they make it worse. Also, I wasn’t shaking too bad and my heart rate is up but borderline not horrible. Also, if I wanted them he would have given them to me, it’s not like he didn’t offer. I just didn’t want any yet. However, I feel worse than two weeks ago when I saw him. Yes, I have lots of questions.

I don’t know if I need a second opinion but I may go to see if gives me additional or the same surgeons. I would like to see what their bedside manner is like. If this person is going to check me every six months I better like him!

Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

p.s. husband asked if I was having “another flare-up” because I asked for help because I couldn’t fight my five year old when trying to buckle him in his seat. I admit it sucks that my 5 yo is stronger than me right now.

[Kimberly]

#1174911

Hello – You *will* get your muscle strength back…it just takes a lot of time and patience…just like everything else with Graves’!

Also, you mentioned a six month window in between appointments…it’s actually a lot more common to see the doc every few *weeks* until you get your levels stabilized, whether that is through anti-thyroid drugs or on replacement hormone after surgery/RAI.

Take care!

[Bobbi]

#1174912

My husband wasn’t at all supportive, either. I had to be strong for myself. In the end, that wasn’t such a bad thing. But know that I do understand how frustrating it is to be ill and not have the people we love help us the way we need to be helped.

[Author]

Posts