[Kimberly]

#1169641

I’m sorry to hear this latest news, but you are spot on that your priority right now is to take care of yourself. If your wife or mother-in-law would like more information about Graves’, they are always welcome to contact the Foundation at 877-643-3123 or info@ngdf.org. We can certainly help stress the importance of selecting one of the three available treatment options — and being consistent with follow up labs.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

[snelsen]

#1169642

I agree with Kimberly. You are doing the right things for yourself. You might surprise yourself by enjoying seeing your friends one evening. Take it as it comes. Keep writing to us, you are not misusing the board AT ALL! i think all of us are people with complex lives.n You are right. Things could be worse,a nd you are doing a good job taking care of your son, and being kind and caring to keep your wife on your insurance, which certainly is the right thing to do.

Try not to spend much of your energy on how your wife and her mom get along. The bottom line here, is that I sure hope she moves forward with treatment for her Graves’. All of this is a slow process back to health, and none of us liked that at all, but it is, what it is. I sure hope she does get consistent health care for this.
Shirley

[snowboo]

#1169643

Subnet, I read your first post here to my guy and he just nodded and said, "That’s my life exactly!" I don’t know what other issues might be underlying in your marriage, but I do know that for me, being on these pills (tapazole) feels like I’m taking downers all the time and without the energy I’d grown accustomed to while being hyperthyroid, I feel utterly useless. I am sensitive to how my guy perceives me because I can’t do the things it takes to uphold my side of the relationship while I’m on these meds. Asking him for help with things seems to draw even more attention to it too, so it’s a sort of lose/lose situation.

I am grateful for my guy’s relentless understanding and he’s adapted so amazingly to the stresses and mood swings associated with all this. I hope you find a way to love your wife through this.

[sjatwood]

#1169644

I am speaking as someone who has been in your wife’s place. I almost ruined a 4 year relationship and my chance with the love of my life by my mood swings and distancing. The best thing you can do is put yourself into whatever she is interested in. I was getting to a point where I was only happy with my friends and going to work. It got to the point where I found myself leaving an hour before I needed to get to work. Looking back I realized how much I was pushing him away and am so glad he waited and understood. I think what he could have done to help more is find ways to put himself into the things I was putting my attention into. Or maybe in your case she is afraid you don’t understand what she is going through. She maybe giving the distance because she knows she is getting hormonal and doesnt want to hurt you. Make yourself a part of her and try letting her know just how much you are there for her. Like you asking for help here is probably the sweetest thing Ive seen and it shows how much you care and want to help. Something that I also found helpful is having time to myself. Give her time to just be with herself and think about things. Send her on a spa day or do one yourself for her. Even a candlite bath helps with the emotions anything to give her time and space to relax. I wish you the best and hope she knows how lucky she is. As caring as you seem to be she will see it when everything is better with her health. Best of luck.

sam

[snelsen]

#1169645

that is very difficult for him to do when she pushes him away, is hostile. I was like that, too, and those suggestions would not have worked for us, because I did not want him in my life at all. AND from his view, as it is , his life was total hell and I believe it was.
I am so happy. For you that all worked out for you. But it sounds like it did, because you got well and the relationship survived. best, shirley

[subnet]

#1169646

Thanks again to everyone for all the encouragement. Please let it be known that I intend to do everything I can to support and love her through all of this. I can’t help it.

So… brief update: she moved back in yesterday. We’re still "separated" in the sense that we’re sleeping in separate beds and really only talk on an as needed basis. For the most part, I’m fine with this.

I question her motives for moving back in; my dad had a heart attack last week, and in the confusion of that, she told me she’d move back in so I’d be free to see my mom as needed if she needs me… it seems like she really only wanted to reduce her drive time to work and be more accessible to her friends. She told me that she has every intention of demanding an RAI at her next visit with the endo… The signs are definitely showing that her medication isn’t enough right now: significant weight loss despite appetite, frequent bowel movements, brittle hair, short temper… But she claims she’s adequately controlled by her current dosage (10mg methimazole/day).

She also told me she wants to go to marriage counseling(!). As much as I want us to do that, I think it may be best to wait until she’s been to the endo again and whatever is decided upon has a chance to take effect.

I don’t blame her hyperthyroidism for the real problems that exist between us. I haven’t been treating her with respect, and there’s no real excuse for it. I haven’t expressed this to her yet, but it’s become a rather sticky situation. I’m deliberately avoiding relationship discussion because I don’t want to put more pressure on her. I’m staying with the flow, and if I have the opportunity to say it, believe me, I will. Just don’t want to force it.

While I don’t blame her hyperthyroidism for our situation, it is rather like gas on the fire. I may also tell her that, given the chance, but I don’t want to make her feel like her emotions aren’t valid. They most certainly are, even if they may be altered by this condition.

Anyway, I hope the new year finds everyone well. 2011 was easily the worst year of my life, between losing my brother, the situation with my marriage, and my dad looking like he was circling the drain a few days ago(he’s doing much better now). So far, I can’t complain about 2012, but I really hope it proves to be a year of redemption and recovery.

Thanks again for reading and following my drama. So glad some people will listen to my side of it.

[Kimberly]

#1169647

Thanks for the update — it definitely sounds like you are seeing some positive signs. Remember that your wife is always welcome to join us on this board or contact the Foundation at 877-643-3123 or at info@ngdf.org if she has questions. We aren’t doctors, just fellow patients, but sometimes it is helpful to connect with someone who has "been there, done that".

I hope that your dad continues to recover — wishing you all the best for 2012.

[subnet]

#1169648

Well, my wife went to her Endo yesterday… he’s not giving her RAI, instead he’s reducing her medications further (to 5mg Methimazole), saying it’s better this way than doing RAI and inducing hypothyroidism.

This seemed to embolden her about the decisions she’s been making. I told her that I realized that my pressuring her was frustrating, but that I just wanted to make sure she was healthy. I also told her I was happy for her.

We’re no closer to reconciling. In fact, I think we may be moving towards divorce, anyway. There have been small improvements, but nothing significant. I sure wish I could redo the last 18 months, knowing what I know now.

[Halbarad]

#1169649

Subnet… hope things have taken a turn for the better.

My own wife decided once again to stop methimazole 3 weeks ago, without telling me or her endo. Her rages have started once again. I asked once, as sweetly and mildly as I could, was she taking methimazole, and got a 5 minute tirade about how western medicine was trying to control her mind.

I sent e-mail (1) and left a phone message (1) for her endo; we’ve always visited together, but this Wednesday I was planning to be out of town, and she is having her appointment then. Her endo has not responded in any way… I presume privacy laws exclude communication with husbands now.

We did go for T3/T4 testing on Friday. They are very unreliable in doing the antibody tests, however… about 1/2 the time the lab forgets because it is not standard. In my opinion the antibodies are just as important to assay.

I’m particularly concerned because last year’s thyroid storm, that led her into the hospital for 4 days, was during the summer. I suspect there are pollens or something seasonal.

We’ve been through a year of counseling… she finally blew up and stormed out.

[Halbarad]

#1169650

Subnet… hope things have taken a turn for the better.

My own wife decided once again to stop methimazole 3 weeks ago, without telling me or her endo. Her rages have started once again. I asked once, as sweetly and mildly as I could, was she taking methimazole, and got a 5 minute tirade about how western medicine was trying to control her mind.

I sent e-mail (1) and left a phone message (1) for her endo; we’ve always visited together, but this Wednesday I was planning to be out of town, and she is having her appointment then. Her endo has not responded in any way… I presume privacy laws exclude communication with husbands now.

We did go for T3/T4 testing on Friday. They are very unreliable in doing the antibody tests, however… about 1/2 the time the lab forgets because it is not standard. In my opinion the antibodies are just as important to assay.

I’m particularly concerned because last year’s thyroid storm, that led her into the hospital for 4 days, was during the summer. I suspect there are pollens or something seasonal.

We’ve been through a year of counseling… she finally blew up and stormed out.

[Kimberly]

#1169651

Halbarad – I’m so sorry to hear about this latest development.

I understand the need for confidentiality in a medical setting, but you would think your wife’s endo would want to know if she has stopped taking her meds!

As for the antibody testing, I don’t know how frequently your wife has labs done, but keep in mind that antibodies have a fairly long “shelf life” — so this test is not done as frequently as TSH/Free F4/T3. (Not to mention that antibody testing is fairly expensive). My own doc only does the antibody testing once or twice a year to see if I can come off my anti-thyroid drugs (which I have not been able to do so far).

However, in your wife’s case, it might be good to see where the antibody levels are now, because stopping the meds while antibody levels are still raging is likely to lead to a relapse of hyperthyroisism.

Wishing you all the best.

[snelsen]

#1169652

Halbarad,
Gosh, I am so sorry this ongoing issue is impacting both of your lives.
If she is not taking her meds, you are absolutely right her endo needs to know.
I hope she is truthful with him at the WEdnesday appointment.
If she is untreated, and becomes hyper, her very health and life are in danger. This is really true. I know that you telling her this is not going to mean much, since she probably is not listening to you very well.
Maybe, just maybe, the endo will return your call about your concern. I think he can communicate with you enough to tell you that he is/is not concerned.
Since you have gone with her to all the appointments, he may feel comfortable calling you. HIPPA is sometimes a hindrance, and can interfere with good care now and then.
Someone needs to convince her of the relationship of untreated hyperthyroidism and the real possibility of death. And, if not that, damage that cannot be undone if hyperthyroid for a long period of time.
I sure wish the best for you two.
Shirley

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