[DianneW]

#1072114

Dear Kam,

I can see the dilemma you are in. For awhile I was somewhat the way your wife was. It took some time for me to realize how much the hyperthyroidism affected my relationships, and I think if someone else had tried to tell me that I might have felt that they were using that to minimize their own part in the real issues that existed. Yet now I think that had I been normal I might have even stayed in my first marriage, even though there were some really difficult problems. Everything is magnified when we are hyperthyroid, but divorce or splitting up a long-term relationship is a very drastic solution. I did both; yet found out the hard way the statement, "wherever you go, there you are" is the truth. I’ve talked to a number of hyperthyroid patients who nearly divorced their husbands and were so sorry as time went on. (You said your wife’s levels have been normal for some time, but it took me several years to get over the worst emotional effects.)

You’re correct that it’s difficult to find professional help that really understands this disease. We know a psychiatrist and psychologist who do, Cy and Marsha Worby, who facilitate the patient and family groups at the conferences. It’s too bad your wife isn’t amenable towards attending. You’re welcome to attend without her.

If your wife doesn’t want the problems of your marriage pinned on her Graves’ Disease then it might be important for her that you leave that alone for awhile when addressing the issues that need to be talked about. Try listening to her perspective of what might be lacking in your marriage or what occurred to cause her pain, and whether she thinks GD is an issue at all.

[billyb]

#1072115

I have never been married and have never really even had a successful long term relationship. Trying to understand GD has been very difficult for me and as I look back on my life I realize that my overall mood and the way i feel inside, from my earliest childhood memories have been feelings of depression and stress. I grew up in a very intense household, alot of drama and stress. I have great relationships with people, very personal friendships, I am the person who who is close to everyone, and sometimes that hurts me because I take every thing very personal. people tell me that I am very sensitive and defensive and when to women and dating its difficult to be understood. I come across as needy, co-dependent, neurotic, crazy,weird etc… to some of the women I try to date. And now I find myself wanting to be in a relationship, but I just push women away when they get to close or are very interested in me, Its very confusing, its a contradiction. I fell misunderstood, people who don’t have it cant understand it, but they wonder why you are the way you are, I just tell them I’m crazy. I Know that having this has kept me immobilized, and has kept me away from people and experiences that I need, all because of the way I feel inside.

[mamabear]

#1072116

Billy, Please take what I am about to say with the utmost compassion and care a person can give to another even though they are strangers…

Graves’ stinks! That is a fact we all know it. It doesn’t matter what triggers it to come out and say hi i’m going to give you a hard time the rest of your life. It could be stress, a viral infection like me, just about anything. Its in our genes and we just have to suck it up and kick it’s butt when it shows itself.

I am sure you get that part and I am not saying in any way that you don’t or that you are stupid. I am concerned for you that your childhood wasn’t that great and that is what is effecting you for the most part and not your Graves’ disease although of course that surely doesn’t help.

I don’t know what happened in your house, whether abuse to you or a parent or just no one showing you happiness or even discipline to show they are there for and they care. Hurt and drama brings many people to depression, it makes us screw up relationships even if we do really want them. But we feel that we aren’t worth it or that that person is to good to be true and that it wont ever last. Having a relationship means having to eventually tell that person that you have a past and it might not be a good one so you say that you are just crazy and that shy’s away the girls and you dont have to deal with your past. EVERYONE has issues, and not one is perfect. You need to look deeper than Graves’ disease to find out what it truly the problem in your heart and that will help you release your emotions and move on with your life and not be afraid. At least that is what is hoped for.

I am not a dr., I don’t play one on TV either ” title=”Smile” /> , but I know when someone is trying to say they need help and it doesn’t look like Graves’ is the culprit right now, Graves’ is secondary. Your growing up in a house with drama and stress is what is first and you might not feel that I am right but you have to did very deep and laugh a little and then cry a little before realizing that that might be the reason you are pushing everyone away.

Make sure you are eating well, make sure your labs are doing ok and you are drinking plenty of water.

[Kimberly]

#1072117

Agree 100% with what mamabear said about (1) making sure your labs are OK and (2) dealing with potential issues from your past.

Also, my experience is that people who feel they HAVE to be in a relationship to feel validated and/or happy don’t always make the best choices in a partner…which can make their lives *worse*, not better! I think it’s important to figure out what YOU can do to make yourself happy NOW, as opposed to looking for a “significant other” to do this for you.

Too often we feel that we will be "happy" when we have found a boyfriend/girlfriend, lost weight, gotten a promotion, etc., etc. — and end up wishing away our lives! I have to remind myself of this frequently, so I have the following saying posted on my refrigerator:

"…for a long time it seemed to me that
life was about to begin – real life.
but there was always some obstacle
in the way, something to be gotten
through first, some unfinished
business, time still to be served,
a debt to be paid. at last it dawned
on me that these obstacles were my
life. this perspective has helped me
to see there is no way to happiness.
happiness is the way. so treasure
every moment you have and
remember that time waits for no one.
happiness is a journey, not a destination.

— Souza

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