[vanillasky]

#1059556

I got TOLD this morning by dear, sweet husband who made appointments for me to go to get pap smear and mamogram, ultrasound of breasts and anything they wanted to do to me.

Needless to say I blew up. I had a mamogram a year ago, biopsy. I do breast exams, everything the same.

I had surgery about 1 year ago because they thought I could have cervical and uterine cancer, did numerous biopsies and found nothing.

I cannot stomach going through these tests. My anxiety is out of control today and I have been yelling and screaming, even threw a garbage can upside down, he’s yelling at me, I’m crying.

Why do I have to put up with this while I am soooooooooooooooooo sick with Graves? I get very upset with gynocologists. I am a modest person. I get embarrassed easily and hate, hate, hate, take off my clothes and having them looking in places that I consider so personal. Can’t I put this off for a few months hopefully I will feel better?

I’m probably wrong, I just can’t take the anxiety and stress of all these tests at this point. Should I double my tranquilizers and just get upset? When I get upset, I get very, very HOT and it last all day followed by migraines. If I have to do this now, I’d like to run away and hide.

Does this type of anxiety and upset make Graves’ worse? I feel very, very ill today and the last few days have not been bad at all.

I have so much fatigue, uncontrollable palpitations, despite the new beta blocker and HEAT! It seems to burning me up. I also feel like vomitting.

[catstuart7]

#1175705

(((((Vanillasky))))) you’ll be okay, this will smooth out soon. I haven’t had it happen as often lately, but I have had this reaction. For me walking out in nature and physical activity helps a lot, throwing things away, cleaning.

About your husband, it’s clear he just doesn’t get it that you need to avoid extra stress. Even if (God forbid) you had cancer odds are a couple months delay would not kill you. You do know you’ve got Graves, so that’s got to be the priority. I personally wouldn’t go more than six months delay on a check that is meant to be yearly though. Has you husband read the open letter to family and spouses of Graves patients that is often posted? How are your thyroid levels right now? I hope you feel better soon.

[smtucker]

#1175703

I have no idea how to answer any of your questions. Just wanted to say that I am sorry you are having such a bad day.

[amosmcd]

#1175704

Hi, Vanilla Sky–
I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad! I can imagine you’re feeling so doctored-out after your previous issues and now Graves. Maybe your husband feels helpless and is trying to control things to reduce his own worry and anxiety? Still, probably not wise to have done this without consulting you first. Do you have a female GYN? I hated annual exams when I was younger and most GYNs were men. I feel like at least a female doc has all the same equipment so it’s not so embarrassing.

I think waiting until you feel ready to tackle a GYN exam is okay, as long as it’s not going past any specific date your doc might have given you, if they did, for your previous issues. I always get an annual exam, but it never works out to exactly a year apart. But I have no history of any GYN problems.

I wish I had words of wisdom to give you, other than maybe let your endo know how anxious you are and how the beta blocker is affecting you. I hope things get better for you soon.

Take care,
Amy

[vanillasky]

#1175706

Thank you, thank you everyone for your support. I agree. I know, of course, these things have to be done, but it is just one year right now. I find it hard to cope because I just don’t feel well and he takes charge. A “control freak” if you will.

If he had told me, “what do you want to do?” I would have said to put this off for a while until I get to feeling better with the Tapazole, and clear my head. Getting diagnosed with Graves’ for me was devastating. It was like “what’s next?” And it is difficult to cope with.

I have a lot of anxiety because I have been put through the mill from the above things I mentioned. I have had 2 biopsies of right breast. I think they did the same lump twice and I tried to tell them, but they would not listen. It came back benign twice.:rolleyes: They also had to insert needles and thought they punctured a lung. I had trouble breathing for awhile and it turns out the bandage was too tight. Another :rolleyes: I had ultrasound of uterus very embarrassing because I have never had children and cervix was closed. I had to take abortion pills to open my cervix. The WORST pain I have ever felt the night before.

All the biopsies and there were several went to pathology and came back again, negative.

So in my mind, I don’t see why this stuff can’t wait awhile longer especially when he planned it 4 days before Christmas. I have alot on my plate. Been thinking of my father also who died on Christmas morning. It’s our anniversary of his death and this is upsetting me. All coming back to the day it happened, the worst day of my entire life.

And to answer your question, no, he has not read anything about Graves at all. He thought I was nuts when I freaked out. I don’t do this a lot but when someone does something and bosses me around, I get very upset and as my new endo told me, I have an “adrenaline dump.” This is what makes me extra HOT and it takes a long time to cool down.

I want to be my own advocate of my own health and body. Not to be bossed around by him and told what to do. I have always thought that a person should be allowed to do what they want when it comes to their health and respected for it, and he doesn’t see it that way. I remember him telling my mother-in-law to go for a new type of chemotherapy when she had colon cancer. She didn’t want to go but with his constant badgering, she did and ended up in ICU. She called me later when she felt better and told me she was through. I respected her wishes. She died about a month later. So this is the type of person he is.

Sorry to vent but he does not understand and all of you do, that’s why I come here and vent. Thank you for your input and for “listening” to me behind the keyboard. It means a lot.

Karen

[snelsen]

#1175707

Karen, you are right on target with your reaction and your feelings. I cannot imagine, under any set of circumstances, having my husband making appointments for me. You are not wrong. The combination of having a husband with this degree of control of others, plus Graves’, results in exacerbating how you feel. But you are also justified. From what you say, the whole subject of your husband, and his need to control others, is a subject that needs to addressed at a future time.

But, in the meantime, there are some posts to husbands, and I think Kimberly had a good reference (or it might even be on the website) for family members.
In any case, since he is interested in your medical life, it seems to me that Graves’ is what he should be reading about.

All of your appointments can wait, and you can make them yourself.
You indeed have had some crappy medical experiences, and everything you have described, has been traumatic, and resulted in so much unnecessary stress for you. A mild suggestion for you, in the future, get some second opinions on all these proposals for surgery.

I have had breast cancer twice, had chemo twice. My mother had esophogeal cancer (also died on Xmas day) and she told me she was DONE with any interventions. I would not dream of telling someone else what to do, and I fully respected her wishes. I am so sorry that your mother-in-law had this experience with her son. How hard for her.

But right now, realize that your thoughts and feelings are right on target.
I hope the garbage can was metal, for they make such a nice noise when thrown!

I actually don’t recall where are with your ATD’s and beta blockers. Knowledge is power. ARE you getting copies of your doctor visits and of your labs? It is very helpful to do this, for they are YOUR medical records. about you. I totally understand the totally hot feelings you had. I had’em . They are terrible. Then, at one point, I became hypo, and although it was hard for me to believe, I thought being cold all the time no matter what i did was equally bad as being hot.

*You will get better, you get back to being you, and in the future you will be able to help someone like you who comes to the forum for the very first time!
Shirley

[vanillasky]

#1175708

Thank you so much, Shirley. I love your post! I am sorry about your mother too. It is awful when we lose someone so important and that we love on Christmas. This time of year is always difficult for me. I imagine it is for you too. Thinking back to when he was here. I know he is in peace, and he lives in my heart forever.

As far as his interest in my new diagnosis, all he says is “get the surgery.” We haven’t gotten that far yet and my doctor has not mentioned TT yet at all. I think we should take it a step at a time.

My latest bloodwork, ( I do obtain copies) is pretty much the same as it was 2 months ago. I began Tapazole 10mg on November 20th. Nothing has changed as yet.

I have a problem with low blood pressure so my new endocrinologist hesitated in giving me a beta blocker. 2 days ago, the heart was racing and I felt like it was actually falling into my stomach and sometimes just stuck in my throat. I went to see a Cardiologist. He gave me Atenolol 25 mg to take one time a day.

I have taken it for 2 days and I am sad to say, I don’t think it’s working. I am going to call him on Monday. The heart I can actually hear beating in my ears. Especially annoying when trying to sleep.

** The garbage can I threw was plastic sorry to say..LOL! but nevertheless made a huge mess. 😆 He just stood there and looked at me. Asked me if I had “Graves’ Rage.” He’s lucky I don’t believe in guns.

thank you!!! You’re a gem!

Karen

[Carito71]

#1175709

Vanillasky,

I’m sorry you are going through so much Bad experiences seem even worst during the hyper stage of GD. When I was hyper even music would make me upset and sick. I didn’t want to go anywhere nor do anything. All I wanted was to rest and feel better and I completely understand wanting to first get more stable. It took me about 3 wks to start seeing some positive changes and even then the changes were happening slowly. It really makes one learn patience. It is very crucial for spouses and family member to be patient as well. I had my husband go with me to my appt with my Gen. Dr. so he would understand what was going on. My Gen. Dr. was so nice and kind and explained to both of us that my body was handling too much and I needed a break until I felt better.

I think that if you are worried about your yearly exams that you can talk to your GYN about what is going on. The Dr. will understand and might have some suggestions as to how long to wait and still be safe. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to. No one. Your Dr. can suggest exams, etc, but you have to give consent to have it done. I’m sure your Dr. would understand and work with you on getting your exams when is more appropriate. You know the importance of the yearly exams and also know the importance of getting more stable on GD so you understand these two things and that is what matters. You are taking your Tapazole and that is one step closer to getting better.

Please hang in there. At times it seems like the hyper stage will not pass but it does. Just have to give it time. Being as relaxed as possible definitely helps with your heart and probably even the GD. You mentioned that you are taking a new beta blocker. Is it lowering your heart? You might want to buy a machine to check your blood pressure and heart rate to see if it is working. My first beta blocker was not working so my Gen Dr. changed it to another one that worked wonders. It made such a big difference. A relaxing bath everyday helped me also.

I’m sorry about all that is going on with your husband. At one point maybe it might help telling him that you appreciate his concern and support but that you will take care of the appointments and that you will let him know how he can help you out because right now you need to take things one step at a time. I’m thinking that maybe he is worried about your health? Either way, he should leave the appointment scheduling to you unless you ask him for help on that. I’m just thinking that telling him something to help him calm down but at the same time keep him there for when you need help is a good idea. After all, if he supports you the way you need to, he can be a great support at home. Just thinking at loud.

I hope with all of my heart that soon you start to feel better. Please keep us posted.

Caro

[catstuart7]

#1175710

vanillasky wrote:

** The garbage can I threw was plastic sorry to say..LOL! but nevertheless made a huge mess. 😆 He just stood there and looked at me. Asked me if I had “Graves’ Rage.” He’s lucky I don’t believe in guns.

Ha! I bet that made you angrier!

[Naisly]

#1175711

vanillasky
My partner thinks this site is making me sick Lol. He even told my internist that the other day. He does come to all my appointments with me because I make him come – Only because I want him to hear exactly what the dr says, and perhaps he can understand a bit more. Anyways, I will tell the rest of my story one day soon.

I know there seems to be a lot of questions on anxitety and stress, and ‘graves rage’ I’m sure you have heard the term ‘Fight or Flight response’. Well this is very real in our world. I did find a link for University of Texas for stress. This site might help explain the fight or flight response as well as give you ideas how to destress your life, because right now that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and something you can ask your husband to help you with.

~Naisly

[vanillasky]

#1175712

Thanx Caro and Naisley for your heartfelt reponses.

@catstuart! LOL~ You are funny!!!! He doesn’t know how nasty I can be!:mad:

It’s funny because he told me the site was making me sick too. But he’s full of crapola because this site helps me get an education and support. All of you are wonderful on here and seeing we are all walking the same path, it is a real comfort knowing I can put my laptop on the living room floor (as I am right now) and type til my heart’s content. A home away from home! Without leaving my home.

I know my eyes would be closed completely to this disease and I would feel isolated because no one I know has it. I only have the experience and pain of thyroid cancer because my father suffered from that, but Graves’ is new to me completely.

Naisly, I would like to hear your story when you are up to posting it.

Karen

[Kimberly]

#1175713

Hello – I think this might be the link that Shirley mentioned:

http://www.gdatf.org/about/about-graves-disease/patient-education/an-open-letter-to-husbands-of-graves-patients/

In the meantime, is there anyone on your medical team that you really trust and will understand your situation — even a general practitioner? In terms of actual guidance on how long you can wait in between testing, the best source would really be someone who is very familiar with your personal medical history.

Also, it seems like looking for recommendations from friends/family for a new gyn might take some of the anxiety out of the process. I actually saw a nurse practitioner (who worked under a gyn) for many years for my regular testing. She was awesome, and I was very sad when she retired!

[vanillasky]

#1175714

Thank you Kimberly for the link. I read it and it makes great sense.

My gyno retired this month and I was comfortable with her. So now I have a doctor at Cleveland Clinic also a woman but just the same, I don’t feel I can cope right now.

I have a primary care but he dis-associates himself with my endocrine problems. He is pretty cold. Only good if I get the flu or something.

In the meantime, I put in a call today about the beta blocker not working and of course, they never called back. What else is new?

[WWWI2]

#1175715

I just wanted to add I was put on atenolol 25 mg 1 x a day, about 6 months before I learned that I had Graves’. I was experiencing tachycardia and the like. It was upped to 25 mg 2x a day and it has made a big difference. I believe the half life is about 6 hours, which means by 12 hours or so it’s pretty much out of your system. So if it is being effective, it’s only effective for half a day. Like I said, once I was put on two seperate doses a day, it made a lot of difference.

[Khadijah]

#1175716

Vanilla sky- I understand your frustration with the husband. He may have done that if your doctor is out of network and he wanted to do it before the year is over so not to deal with the deductible for a while?

I can’t remember what your situation is are you on Meds hoping for remission? Coming out of remission? Do you have issues with toxicity? If you can handle a higher dose of the methmizole that might work well. I never went on the beta blockers despite the heart palpitations because the methmizole (30mg) did the trick. I felt better after just a few days.

Hard to believe how good I am feeling now. I even started dancing again. But, part of me is waiting for “the other shoe to drop…” I definitely remember how crazed I felt when this all began.

Also, don’t give up on finding a better doctor. It does make a huge difference having someone understanding and capable. Take your time and space out the doctor visits with what is comfortable for you. Going to doctors is no fun.

Wishing you the best and good luck!

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