[Krystal25]

#1018245

Hello again,

I am having another bad day ” title=”Sad” /> I have been taking my ATD medication for 4 weeks now with some improvement but not much. I am on 10mg once daily and go for labs to check my levels in 2 weeks, If I can wait that long. I am nervous for my lab results, I am scared my endo will say I’m in the normal range again even though I still feel like I’m going crazy.I have a resting HR of 95 and I still feel disconnected from my mind and body. I have problem remembering anything and find myself thinking about something I need to do and then the thought passes and I forget. I am scared they will tell me I’m normal on my labs and then I will truly feel like I was probably just going insane the whole time or having a nervous breakdown. This past month and a half have felt like an eternity since being diagnosed and I have become anti social and nervous about almost anything. I want myself back!! The old me where I was a care free easy going young woman who had a social life. I feel like a hollow shell of my old self. I have been trying to get myself out of this slump by doing yoga, massage therapy, meditation and counseling and I have even scheduled next week some acupuncture to help with some muscle issues in my neck. My counselor keeps asking me If I think this is the disease making me feel these symptoms or if it’s me. I feel like it’s the disease but at my lowest points I feel like it probably is just me creating all of these symptoms.I feel hopeless like this isn’t going to get better and that the GD is going to win this battle. I am starting to feel really depressed by all of the negative affects this disease is having on my life. It makes me extremely sad that this is where my life is right now. My endo did prescribe me Xanax for short term use for the anxiety and to help me sleep, but I don’t take it daily for I don’t want to become dependent on it. It just makes me feel like a zombie anyways. I am a dental hygienist and being able to connect with my patients is huge part of my job. I am finding it hard to work when I can’t even connect with myself and forget things daily but I can’t take time off for fear I will loose my job which just adds more stress to my already stressful life. Just needing to vent and hoping that this gets better sooner than later. Otherwise I will be looking for different treatment options which opens a whole other can of worms on which is the best one for me.

Thanks!

Krystal

[Kimberly]

#1063488

Hi Krystal – I tend to be a perfectionist in all aspects of my life (which I *don’t* recommend, by the way) and I really have to fight the mentality that I “flunked” my labs if they don’t show what I expect. Instead, it’s much more useful to look at the labs as feedback. If they are out of range, we need to make an adjustment to our treatment approach. If they are in range – but we are still feeling poorly – we need to take a look as to whether something else might be causing our symptoms. Hopefully, you have a doctor who will work with you on this.

I do think we can get into this self-reinforcing cycle where our Graves’ stresses us out…and then the stress makes our symptoms worse…which makes us more stressed out. Been there, done that! Sometimes my mind seems to get caught on this little hamster wheel, stewing over things that *might* happen. But I am much more productive (not to mention less stressed!) if I can focus on living in the moment, rather than fretting about the past or future.

I think it’s a great idea that you are experimenting with some stress reduction techniques. If you do a search on this forum for “stress reduction”, you will no doubt find some additional suggestions from other posters. Basically, any activity (within doctor’s guidelines, of course) that brings you joy and gives you energy is a positive.

You are still fairly early in the treatment process, so please know that things *will* get better. No, you might not be the same carefree person you were before, but you will be stronger, wiser, and more committed to taking care of yourself. A while ago, we had a thread about the *good* things that had come out of our Graves’ diagnosis. If I can dig it up, I will give it a “bump”, as it’s helpful to see that there *is* light at the end of the tunnel!

[RebeccaJT]

#1063489

Hi Krystal

I just wanted to empathise and sympathise!! I’m a fairly new diagnosis (May) although I’ve known something has been wrong for years, and my eye disease showed up in December. I’m am now trying to get level on ATDs and its proving to be tricky and is taking more time than I thought it would. Not helped by the eye doctor who diagnosed me (to be fair it was a tricky diagnosis and I was lucky he realised I had TED and tested my blood) but he told me that ‘you just take a pill and feel like a new woman’. Obviously, this wasn’t true and he gave me very false expectations.

I understand about your work and I too ‘miss myself’ – I was also very active, cheerful and outgoing. I am currently having to try and be very gentle with myself and also to be patient.

For me the hardest thing (and I’ve had to do this with other issues in my life – for instance I’m now a recovering addict and have been for 8 years) is ACCEPTANCE. For me this is a process that is very much like the grief process. I went through it with my addiction, and I’m going through it with my GD and TED. It seems to follow the bereavement process: – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness, and then Acceptance. It doesn’t go in a straight line, I take two steps forward and one back.

The hardest changes for me have been with my body – my weight has fluctuated, and obviously my swollen wide eyes have changed the look of my whole face. I’m 38 and single (and would rather not be!) and it is very hard to feel like your body is not your own. However, if I look for the blessings in this, GD has shown me that I still have self-esteem issues around my body weight and self image. So I am trying to be grateful that GD has brought to light an area where I still have some more work to do. I have a really nice reading on self esteem that I’ll post here:

"Just as you are, you are enough. Just because you were born, you are precious. Your preciousness or worth is not up for debate. You were born an amazing creature filled with wonder and spiritual value. There is no question about whether you are or aren’t of value… Healthy self-esteem is the internal experience of your own preciousness, awareness from the inside that you have worth. This worth is separate from ANYTHING you do, how you look, or what other people in your life say or do to you or about you" [Pia Mellody}

I am trying to use this to remind myself that I am not my job, I am not my weight, I am not my activity level, I am not my appearance, and I am most definitely NOT my illness. I have always been a bit of a perfectionistic ‘human doing’ rather a ‘human being’. I’m still a work in progress! On my good days I am trying to see my GD as an opportunity to take better care of myself, and to love myself exactly as I am and to try and just ‘be’ and stop constantly driving myself – even before I got sick, I was exhausted! Don’t get me wrong, I have bad days (and have the posts on this forum to prove it!!!) but I’m trying to see GD not as a punishment but as a chance to grow in other areas; that maybe its not a physical breakdown, but a bit of an emotional and spiritual breakthrough? What is it you say in America, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade?

But just to reassure you, it sounds like a lot of what you are experiencing is just the symptoms of GD. There are some great publications for download on the GDF website – just go to the publications page. There is one called ‘What is Wrong with Me?’ – in fact have given this to my GP – which I found helpful, and others about living with the emotional ups and downs of this illness. There is another about how GD is often misdiagnosed as anxiety disorder and other mental problems. My endo said, ‘You are not mad, its just Graves’.

You are not alone, hang in there. Maybe just try and take it one day at a time. I’m trying not to project about what MIGHT happen, but just deal with what is in fact actually happening TODAY. That stops me sending myself crazy!

Take care

Rebecca

[mamabear]

#1063490

I literally had a pen and paper at the ready for me, so when I knew I had to do something I wrote it down. I started to wear a lanyard around my neck with pad and pen in a little bag so I would always have something to write on. My cell isn’t always handy but when I do have it I do use it to jot down notes as well then at home I put everythign down on one big piece of paper that is always in site.

I have a google calendar and I set reminders for twice a day to help me look at my to do list and my immediate list.

If I dont write it down I will forget. So i write it down and when I forget I know where to look!

You WILL get your life back…. it will take time to heal be patient with your body. I know it is hard to say but even if the labs show that you are getting better, you still have antibodies in you and that will make you feel all icky. It takes time to heal, give your body the rest it needs and try to do your best at work. It’s the only thing we can ask of our bodies, we can’t do better than that when we are sick. It might be better to tell your boss what is going on.

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