[RoryMcC]

#1058938

Dear Forum,

My wife and I have always had a very fiery relationship. However since our children were born 7 years ago the fire has been more of the hell variety. We have had a lot of upheavals over the last few years (unemployment, moving countries, small children) and our relationship became one of constant fighting. for the last few years that I was there I even slept in a different room.

A year ago she told me she does not love me and told me to leave. This had happened three or four times before so I gave up and said yes.

After six months she said she wanted me back. I agreed to try but it was a mistake.. the fighting was as bad as before. Then a week ago she was diagnosed with Graves’ Disease.

Is it possible that her hateful behaviour was as a consequence of the disease over say the last ten years?
She wants me back now, but I feel so protective of the little space I have for myself that I do not want to go back into that nightmare. Can anyone suggest a rational way for us to approach each other again?
What should the children (two girls, 6 and 7) be told and what can I do for them?

I am constantly bombarded with mails and text messages that are by turns wanting and hateful and it has really left me in a state of depression over the last few months. She will not take any advice from me.. she just wants me to come back under her rules. Graves’ disease is the excuse for all that was past and for what is happening now.

I do not know what to do. I love her and I love our children. If there is a chance I would like to try and resurect the family. but how do I go about it when I am faced with a wall of hatred, anger and irrationality.

Please help.

Rory

[Kimberly]

#1171050

Hi Rory – I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this turmoil. If you check out the thread “Wife wants divorce…” you can read stories from two other families who are going through a similar situation.

Having thyroid hormone levels out of balance can absolutely affect emotions. Here is a link to an article from the Foundation that discusses some of the emotional and mental impacts that come with Graves’ disease:

(Note on links: if you click directly on the following link, you will need to use your browser’s “back” button to return to the boards after viewing. As an alternative, you can right-click the link and open it in a new tab or new window).

http://www.gdatf.org/about/about-graves-disease/patient-education/whats-wrong-with-me/

However, ultimately, you will need to make the decision as to what is best for you and your family. Obviously, you want to be supportive of anyone who is ill, but it’s also important to *not* neglect yourself and your own needs.

Take care — please check back and let us know how you are doing.

[RoryMcC]

#1171051

Dear Kimberly,

Thank you for your very prompt response. In the last 24 hours i have read so much and realize that i am completely out of my depth as to the intricacies of this condition. But, i am sure i will get to be able to get up to speed in the next few weeks.

I think that i will try and take it slow for a couple of weeks. Try and formulate a plan with my wife that will leave her feeling less alone and pressured. Perhaps that kind of support for a while will let us start to build a foundation.

Thank you for your advice and support.

Regards… Rory

[Kimberly]

#1171052

Hi Rory – Thanks for the update…it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. In the meantime, perhaps working with a counselor (or clergy member, trusted friend, etc.) could help open the lines of communication.

Take care!

[katherinesc]

#1171053

Hello Rory! Yes, Kimberly has given you some GREAT ADVICE as the facilitator for this site. I personally have had breast cancer and strickened with this HORRIBLE disease. I will tell you that I would take back my breast cancer tomorrow to rid myself of this horrific disease. Sad, but true. My oncologist said to me “THAT IS A VERY STRONG STATEMENT”. I said YES IT IS, but it is TRUE. Living daily with GD for me is a constant struggle, especially the TED. I hope things work out for you, your wife and your family.

[keesephoto]

#1171054

RoryMcC wrote:

Dear Kimberly,

Thank you for your very prompt response. In the last 24 hours i have read so much and realize that i am completely out of my depth as to the intricacies of this condition. But, i am sure i will get to be able to get up to speed in the next few weeks.

I think that i will try and take it slow for a couple of weeks. Try and formulate a plan with my wife that will leave her feeling less alone and pressured. Perhaps that kind of support for a while will let us start to build a foundation.

Thank you for your advice and support.

Regards… Rory

I agree. This seems like a much more positive direction than the first post. Just keep remembering: Is this about you, or your family? Keep your priorities straight and focus where it should be and God Bless!

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