[Boomer]

#1179152

vanillasky wrote:

Don’t you just love people that are healthy? they don’t understand any of this. I’ve never wanted to slash my wrists, too messy. but I’ve had handfuls of pills and almost nearly downed them. I got chicken. when I told this to the doctors at integrative medicine, they looked like I was nutso.

But that’s for healthy people that just dont understand and have had a happy life so good for them.

Hey now that’s some serious stuff there good woman! I’m sure all we chronically ill have thoughts of checking out but it sounds like you were a little beyond a mere thought. Should you ever feel that way again (it is normal to have such feelings. KNOW that, okay?) Promise me here and now that you will seek a professional for assistance. Sometimes, once we talk things out and hear our own voice before a caring listener, things can take a turn for the better emotionally. One bad experience from someone does not a pattern make so reach out if need be. PLEASE!

Suicide Hotlines (US) 1-800-784-2433

Outside of the US there are also similar hotlines. Feeling desperate and suicidal? CALL NOW.

vanillasky wrote:

@Sue, I know about colitis. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis years ago and took drugs to stop it. Colonoscopies and the upper GI series. Yuck. My heart goes out to you.

As does my heart. My dear mother has suffered with Colitis for decades. I don’t know how she carries on yet she always does. Ya’ll are amazing.

vanillasky wrote:

@Boomer, I imagine you are at the end of your rope. I have been there. As a matter of fact, my Graves + menopause doesn’t mix. I HATE THE HEAT. My gyno laughed last week. I told her I wanted to go to Alaska or Antartica. Someplace freezing. I want to be on the crab boat on “Deadliest Catch.” that looks nice and cool:) I think it’s important to keep a sense of humor with this as this morning I woke up in a pool of water and so hot, I could explode. Out came the gatorade and tranquiliazers. If I ever get through this I’m going to see Dr. Drew’s rehab. He has a center in Pasadena for non-celebs. I’m going there if I can afford it, which I doubt.

Humor indeed! I read that line about Gatorade as hand “grenades”! Now that I think about it they really *could* come in handy huh?

I’ve certainly had my share of ups and downs but the end of this old guy’s rope is a looooooooong way down the line. Just like yours and all of the brave spirits here.

vanillasky wrote:

I know I have an addiction to benzos but what can I do? It’s either that or I just can’t cope.

I’m a recovering addict since 1990 so I read you loud and clear. Only within ourselves do we know if we are dependent medically or abusing drugs/medications for the wrong reasons. In spite of what the traditional recovery model tried to pound into my head I’m of the mind that in some instances a dependence on a medication is a small price to pay for quality of life. Deep down we all know if we are treating or abusing and that is something we all might have to face one day.

Best not to go into a debate here (and I judge NO ONE) but if you or anyone for that matter wishes to talk on the subject of addiction and recovery I am happy to share my experience, strength, and hope via private messages to keep this message board on-topic with minimal clutter.

vanillasky wrote:

More frequent bowel movements, I haven’t lost that completely but it’s annoying to have cramping all the time like you have to go to the bathroom and then nothing much happens. So annoying.

Annoying is putting it mildly. I’ll just go ahead and say it for all of us and loudly at that: It SUUUUUUUCKS!

Still, though, we perservere, don’t we? You bet we do!

vanillasky wrote:

I do believe God has blessed us with this disease indirectly. I think we are special people who have gone through and are going through a test to see how strong we are. Hopefully we will be rewarded in heaven for this. I pray so!

Karen

I’m agnostic at this point i my life but I respect those who have sound beliefs and, at times, am somewhat envious of those with strong faith. I feel that I am constantly evolving and therefore my feelings on any subject can change given time, knowledge, and circumstance. All that aside, if you can believe this: I draw strength from the faith of others. Sounds weird but it’s true…

Stay awesome- absolutely awesome. Why? Because you can and more importantly because you ARE!

Love to all,

Boomer

[Boomer]

#1179153

SueAndHerZoo wrote:

Wow….. I’m wondering which picture I’m seeing because you look SO YOUNG!

It’s the one that looks like you have something in your mouth or like you’re pointing something at your mouth.

Thank you for the eye-candy.
Sue

Awe shucks, ma;’am, you’re gonna make me blush… Yep that is me just two years ago smoking my corncob pipe. If only I looked so healthy now as I have never looked worse…

I guess I’ve got some youthful genetics as my Pop is 87 now and still has a full head of hair. Mine is holding out too. The rest of me? Well, not so much. If I ever get some meat back on these bones I’ll not so importantly look better but I will feel better too.

Bah! Rambling on as usual… Thanks for the sweet words and the smiles you brought me today.

Peace and love,

Boomer

P.S. Probably more devilish than handsome given the choice

[Boomer]

#1179154

Well it’s been ten days since I started on MMI and I’m feeling it.

What, exactly, I’m not sure. I mean I guess I’m feeling a reduction in the hormones that have been piled up in my system. It hit me like a ton of bricks this evening.

I know it is the beginning of the return to normalcy but it’s really uncomfortable. I’ve been sweating and freezing and back again all evening. I feel energetic then a total crash. Also very emotional. What emotion, well, I can’t tell you. I just feel so scatterred. Right in the middle of a tasty meal I got hot and nauseous and the food tasted gross.

Does this make sense to anyone: My body is so used to being so out of whack that now that levels are dropping so quickly it doesn’t feel “normal”?

I’ve been so encouraged for the past few days as I’ve felt better than I have in ages and all of a sudden now I feel like… I feel bad. I’m exhausted from insomnia, can’t get comfortable, feel almost feverish (I’m not- I checked), and I feel like the biggest wimp in the world.

I don’t feel at all safe driving or climbing the stairs and just feel so disconnected from life.

If this is what’s gonna go on for the next long while once I get treated I don’t feel like I can do this for a year of however long it takes. I’m usually so tough about things- worked through the flu mor times than I can remember, laugh at colds, enjoy the feeling of sore muscles after a hard day’s work, etc., but this is absolutely kicking my butt and it just hit me out of the blue.

Never felt more “off” in my entire life.

I see my Endo a week from tomorrow and it can’t come soon enough. Fees more like I need a psychiatrist than an Endo.

Ugh. This will pass. Right? (this is where you say “Yes!)

Love you gals and guys and goodnight,

Boomer

[SueAndHerZoo]

#1179155

Hey B-Man.

Sucks, doesn’t it? I think what you’re going through is normal, but there’s also a chance that you really ARE coming down with something?

Every time I start methimazole or even increase the dosage, it takes about 10 days to 2 weeks before I feel improvement and DURING those days I feel worse. Normally what happens (and I’m not sure why) is the first day on a new dose I feel pretty good. Then the second day and for a week or two I am extremely anxious, wired, sleepy, hot, irritable, sad, explosive, upset stomach, etc.

I believe the methimazole starts working right away to slow down or stop the release of hormones but the ones that are still kicking around in your system need to get flushed out. I’m not sure why you’ve felt good for 10 days, though, and got hit hard tonight. It’s very possible you did pick up a bug or flu… just because our thyroids are out of whack doesn’t mean we can’t get other illnesses (lucky us).

Sorry you’re feeling so lousy, physically and emotionally. Try not to worry about it, go to bed, and hopefully tomorrow will bring relief.

I know what you mean about the doc appointment feeling too far off. Mine was supposed to be May 31st but I called last week, told them that I was crawling out of my skin and wanted my levels checked sooner, and I go tomorrow morning instead.

Welcome to the rollercoaster. And I agree, I can’t take this indefinitely. Even if I do go into remission again, do I want to go through this when I come out? I’m tired of chasing the curve.

Let us know how you feel later or tomorrow, K?
Sue

[adenure]

#1179156

Hey Boomer,

Everything you feel is normal. Yippee, right? I couldn’t eat any food for 2 weeks. The smell, taste, texture- it all made me gag. I lived on Ensure drinks for 2 weeks. It’s all I could handle. I couldn’t handle stairs either- heart rate would go up. Insomnia??? Oh man, I could write a novel on that one. Probably the worst thing of all in my opinion. All I can say is that, yes, at some point, you will get better and feel better. Being so early on in your treatment, it’s hard to say whether the methimazole will be what gets you there or whether it’s choosing RAI or surgery in the future. Everyone is different. Give the methimazole time; get your labs done in 6 weeks and then get your meds. tweaked until you level out and see how your symptoms are at that point. Once your hormone levels are normal for a month or 2, you’ll be able to really look at how things are and be able to decide what the best path is for treatment. Methimazole (I was on 5 mg daily) did good things for my levels, but caused issues with my liver (enzymes went up 8 times the normal amount) so, I had to choose between RAI and surgery fairly quickly. That was almost a year ago. I chose surgery and am glad that I did. I am well again and pretty darn close to normal. It’s not perfect, but it’s good! So, as crappy as it is- you have to ride out the dosing stuff with the meds. for awhile. Same thing on the other side of surgery with the Synthroid. It took me 8 weeks to get to the right dose (1 increase from the initial dose) and 2 months on that dose to feel well again. But, it does happen. Hang in there!

[Raspberry]

#1179157

Boomer wrote:

Never felt more “off” in my entire life.

I see my Endo a week from tomorrow and it can’t come soon enough. Fees more like I need a psychiatrist than an Endo.

Ugh. This will pass. Right? (this is where you say “Yes!)

Yes! Well mostly. You are mainly getting hit by the rapid thyroid hormone adjustment, once you’ve been stable for a while at non-hyper levels it will get better. Even now whenever I have a dosage change I revisit this place for a little while, crying at the drop of a hat, end of the world when it’s spilled milk, and end of the universe when it’s just end of the world. Hang in there and don’t trust your brain for a while.

[Robboford]

#1179158

Hi Boomer,
I could tell you that this will pass to make you feel somewhat better, but this is part of the roller coaster that we have all referred to. All of us are different though and for some it does indeed pass once they are stabilised. I don’t want to be a sad sack though, but for me; I experience what you are talking about at least every 4 – 6 weeks. I am on a block and replace regime so not only on hyper medication, I am also on hypo meds and swing from hyper to hypo and god knows where else. All I wish for is to wake up feeling “normal” although I can’t really remember what “normal” was like or, some might say I was never “normal”. (I am grateful that at least I wake up though – although how would I know if I didn’t – LOL). Hang in there, you are a fighter and you will get over this, it is just the unknown of how long it will take. Fight on fearless Warrior!
Cheers
Deb

[Boomer]

#1179159

Wow y’all are amazing…

Go figure: last evening was the worst but all night I slept SO good. I’ve only been catching an hour here or there but last night I slept for almost seven hours straight! This morning I feel back to the way I’ve been feeling for the past week- hungry, a litle hyper, and once again hopeful.

I’ve never in my life ben a moody person- same guy every day. Maybe that makes me hypersensitive to hormonal changes? In any case I’ve got a whole new respect for what ladies go through hormonally. I’m not man enough to feel this weirdness every month.

I was awoken by the phone- my buddy called at 6:30am (he knows that usually I’m an early bird) to make plans for later as he offered to come till my garden for me this year since I’m not supposed to do any hard labor (gotta keep my heart rate down. Sucks!). Good friend huh? I’ve never been one of those people that gets angry if woken up early but this morning I must have barked at him or sounded angry because he responded to me with “Spotting or a heavy day Boomer?”. My guy pals and I always tease each other about being on their period if someone is ornery. Needless to say I guess I qualify this morning. All of a sudden, too, the joke just dosen’t have the same “ooomph” that it used to.

Let it be known I will NEVER joke about what women deal with hormonally. That one is played-out for me!

I’ve got a blood draw next Wednesday and my Endo appointment Thursday and it is then I have to choose whether to have RAI or surgery. He said my case is so severe that he does not recommend treating it with just meds as the high doses needed could be damaging to my liver. I’ve been clean for 23 years but my liver was taxed pretty hard back in my using days so I respect his advice- it makes sense to me.

At first I was sure that I would do RAI but for the past few days I’ve been flip-flopping between that and surgery. Maybe it’s best just to get this thing out of me. I’ve got a list of questions for my Endo next week so for now I’m just gonna keep flippin’ and floppin’ and I’ll figure it out when my questions are answered. I’m impatient- I’ve never been sick – I just want this to be over… The reality is that it’s not gonna be “over”. It’s (my body) just going to be different.

According to the E.R. doctors my levels were “off the charts” and my Endo diagnosed me as “severe” so maybe it took this long to get for the excess hormones to be eliminated. I know the medication is working- I’ve gotten some relief from symptoms in the past week. I think I just felt a big decrease yesterday. This monring I feel about the same as the past week again. I hadn’t been sleeping so maybe I just felt it all at once from being wiped out. Seems reasonble to me. And really, does the “why” matter? Not really- all that matters is I feel like the funk I was in is lifting.

Sorry for shaking you folks up- last night I felt like if I didn’t address how I was feeling my head was going to explode! I feel like the boy who cried wolf now because, as I said, I feel pretty okay this morning.

Ye gads do I ramble or what? Yikes. Time to make a good hot breakfast on this cold damp morning (we’re gonna till the garden tomorrow when it’s warmer and dryer), take loo long of a shower and try to make the most of another day sitting on my butt.

Thanks for the support, kind words, encouragement, and for helping me feel like I’m not a circus freak.

You guys are amazing!

Thanks and love to all,

Boomer

[Kimberly]

#1179160

@Boomer – Ah, a good night’s sleep really puts things in perspective! (Too bad you might have had a REALLY good night’s sleep if the phone hadn’t woken you up!)

The “Treatment Options” thread in the announcements section of the forum has some good resources that go through the pros and cons of the treatment options. This page is also a nice resource on surgery from the American Assoc. of Endocrine Surgeons.

(Note on links: if you click directly on the following link, you will need to use your browser’s “back” button to return to the boards after viewing, or you will have to log back in to the forum. As an alternative, you can right-click the link and open it in a new tab or new window).

http://endocrinediseases.org/thyroid/surgery.shtml

I think we all react a little differently during the early stages of treatment. For me, it was pretty much constant fatigue, rather than the ups & downs that you have experienced. But the vast majority of patients *will* start to see improvement if you can get past those first few weeks!

[Boomer]

#1179161

Kimberly,

Thank you for the link! Gonna go study right now.

Love and gratitude,

Boomer

[amosmcd]

#1179162

Hi, Boomer!

I’ve been off the forum for a week while not feeling good, but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your posts, and I love your sense of humor! Even though you’re feeling bad, you bring a brightness to the forum that is so helpful!

I’m sorry you’ve been going through such a hard time with Graves’. It does totally suck. I had to laugh at your crab-walk to the bathroom posts. In the 3 weeks since my TT I’ve had 2 bouts of “the runs” and indeed actually did poop my pants one time. Naturally when I was not at home. Only saving grace was having some Immodium on hand. What I really needed was to have some Attends on hand, but you get no warning really of when this might occur, so it’s a little too late. In case the post-TT part of this freaks you out, I’ve been going hyper and my dose of Levothyroxine just got lowered today. And I think it was a combo of the oxycodone and anesthesia which contributed to my utter humiliation. I’ve been good for about 5 days now.

Anyway, probably TMI, but I think sharing even the “unspeakable” stuff really makes people feel less alone.

Thanks again for your posts, and welcome to the forum!

Amy

[Boomer]

#1179163

amosmcd wrote:

Hi, Boomer!

I’ve been off the forum for a week while not feeling good, but … …

I’ve been good for about 5 days now.

Anyway, probably TMI, but I think sharing even the “unspeakable” stuff really makes people feel less alone.

Thanks again for your posts, and welcome to the forum!

Amy

Thanks so much Amy- I appreciate that you appreciate my lame attempts at humor . TMI? Not in this boat that we’re all stuck in, huh? It’s all good by me.

I just read your story and wow- you really bring things to light- you’re a great writer! I want to thank you for taking the time to detail your journey towards health. Informational articles are great but hearing it right from a patient really makes a difference. Thanks

Thanks for the warm welcome and I hope things keep moving in a positive direction for you. Keep us posted and I’ll do the same.

Love to you and yours,

Boomer

[gerical]

#1179164

HI BOOMER! I’m new to all this too! I agree its so great you have a sense of humor through all of this! Graves certainly has a lot of funky things that happen! I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore for sure! Nice to have a place to go to vent. My family and friends are great but talking to people going through this is a blessing!

[Boomer]

#1179165

Thought I’d update as I saw my Endo today:

My levels have come down but since they were so high when I was diagnosed we upped my ATD to twice my current dose. I have to have blood work every ten days until I am mildly hypo at which time I will stop the ATD for a week and take the RAI.

We have tentetivlty planned the RAI (pending the right numbers of course) for some time in August. Not nearly soon enough but what else can I do?

I feel like I got lucky with my Endo- he was attentive, interested in me, communicated great, and respected my input. He went thorugh all three ways of treating this and agreed with me tht RAI is the least intrusive and that surgery can always be done later if need be. Neither of us felt that ATD were the way to go for me in the long-term.

He aso hesitantly prescribed me 5mg Ambien (20 tablets only as a one-time thing) as I’ve been SO loopy from lack of sleep. While I’ve never been a long sleeper 1.5-3 hours just isn’t enough. He said that as my numbers continue to drop I should expect much better sleep. Makes sense to me.

I also got the “okay” to use Imodium if needed and Pepto Bismol. With so many possible interactions I’d rather clear things with him before taking any OTC meds. The whole concept ot taking meds is new to me as I’ve not had so much as a cold in decades. Guess I better get used to it eh?

That’s it. I’m on hold until my numbers drop and I continue to gain weight. All in all I really couldn’t ask for more from my doctor and consider myself VERY lucky in that regard.

Oh yeah one more thing: As we were going over the precautions for when I take the RAI he was adamant that I should NOT breastfeed. No wonder I like the guy huh? I shot him a blank stare and said ‘Can I go now?” and he waved me outta there…

Hope all are doing well, hanging tough, and staying positive.

Love to all,

Boomer

[Kimberly]

#1179166

Boomer wrote:

I feel like I got lucky with my Endo- he was attentive, interested in me, communicated great, and respected my input.

Hey Boomer – We are always looking to add attentive, interested docs who are great communicators to the GDATF’s online physician registry! If you wouldn’t mind sharing either on the forum (new forum guidelines allow doc’s names to be mentioned if NOT in a bashing way), via PM, or via e-mail at gdatf.org, we can contact your doctor’s office to see if he is interested.

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