[Bobbi]

#1059533

As we head into the end of year stresses, I thought it might be helpful to start a thread about ideas for coping with all the things on the “to-do” lists you all are undoubtedly making. We need to be able to ENJOY our families and the holidays, not wear ourselves out. And there are ways to creatively think our way through things.

I had my RAI right before Thanksgiving in 1996. So, I was heading into the holidays ill, the mother of three (although teenagers, still….), and like many of you, I had a mile-long list of things I “always did” for the holidays that I was totally incapable of doing that year. I pulled way back. I got the tree decorated. I put Christmas music on the stereo. I obviously got some shopping done for the presents, but cannot remember how I went about that. (Catalogs? Perhaps). But I did not do more than a tenth of my normal “stuff.” One day, after the holidays, my oldest child turned to me and said, “You know, Mom, you went all out for Christmas this year. It was really nice.” It blew me away. As we talked, I realized that arranging things so that I could actually enjoy my family, and not wear myself out, meant a whole lot more to them than all the other stuff that I usually would do.

So. You are sick right now. It is temporary. You are diagnosed, and getting treatment. But right now your strength is probably not optimal. So, how do you cope? We will all have different priorities. But it is very important to prioritize to save our strength.

Ideas? To start things off: Make dinner a pot luck, so that you don’t have to do it all. Or. Go to one of the several “gourmet” groceries, if you can, and buy at least some of the food ready-made.

[gatorgirly]

#1175461

I just booked myself an afternoon at the spa next weekend. It’s the only Saturday or Sunday that I don’t have a holiday party or event of some sort, and I’m going to take full advantage. And to make it even better, it was a birthday gift from my dad back in October when I was recovering from OD surgery.

As for parties, learn to say no. I am bowing out of my work Christmas party because I have three others that week. And if you do need to bring food because people like Bobbi decided to make it a potluck (ha, just teasing!), put that crockpot to use. You’d be surprised what you can make just by dumping a bunch of stuff in before work and letting it heat up all day or even overnight.

Enjoy a cocktail or two even if you normally don’t, but know your limit. The relief a glass of wine brings is canceled out when that glass turns into a bottle and you wake up green around the gills.

If finances are tight because of medical bills, make gifts this year or offer services like cooking a meal, shoveling the sidewalks, or washing the car.

Lastly, I keep hearing reminders from the medical community to use this time together with relatives to learn more about your family medical history. I’m 28, and only learned last Thanksgiving that my dad’s mother died of breast cancer. She was estranged from the rest of the family because of alcoholism, but it’s important to me as the only female offspring to know about a possible risk of breast cancer.

[Kimberly]

#1175462

I agree with Bobbi that it’s helpful to really scrutinize and prioritize our traditional activities — and cut out the ones that are no longer really meaningful, but we keep doing because we’ve “always” done it.

For me, trying to find the “perfect” gift is a frequent source of stress. I thought I came up with the ultimate stress-relieving activity by suggesting to my family that we all just go out and buy what WE want for ourselves, wrap it up, put it under the tree, and then act surprised.

Unfortunately, they all called me “Grinch” and “Scrooge”. Personally, I thought it was genius.

[hoganshelly]

#1175463

I had OD the week prior to Thanksgiving. My children and family lives 2.5 hrs away. I wasn’t able to make it for Thanksgiving dinner. Not because I felt that bad after the OD..I am experiencing bad double vision and driving was/is out of the question. I have a small amount of family here and we just went to Cracker Barrel for lunch. It was good food and no clean up!! Not the way I would have prefered but it was acceptable for me given the situation. I love to cook but just did not have it in me to do this year. If I have to miss 1 Thanksgiving, 1 Christmas and be able to enjoy the rest of them with my family then so be it….
Due to the upcoming surgeries….I will be doing what little shopping that I need to do this year online. At least my kids will get a little something. Due to all the medical bills money is very tight….they will all get a little something. I have come to terms with this…and I know I am doing my best. I have really had to let go and ask for help and to let those help me.

Happy Holidays!!

[Kimberly]

#1175464

We’ve picked up quite a few new members this year, so I thought it would be fun to “bump” up this post about coping with the holidays. Thoughts? Suggestions?

[Ski]

#1175465

Thanks for the bump, Kimberly!

Remember that the most precious thing about the holiday is the time we spend with each other, and nothing else is even close in importance.

This year was our first Thanksgiving as vegetarians, which was further complicated by the fact that we were planning to drive 300 miles before cooking it… I was ALSO cooking for family members we rarely see, and I started to fret because I had spent so much energy on figuring out the vegetarian entree that I wasn’t ready to prepare anything a person would expect on a “normal” Thanksgiving table, but I really needed to limit the stuff we were taking along. My (very wise) husband put me on the phone with our family members, who immediately put my mind at ease, they were completely fine with the plans I had made, and were only interested in the visit. AMAZING the feeling of relief I had, after that phone call.

If you’re fretting about anything at all, please make that call for yourself. It’s worth it.

Do what you can, and don’t beat yourself up about asking for help or doing a little “less.” I promise, you’re still doing PLENTY.

[Kimberly]

#1175466

Wow, Ski, didn’t know that you had gone vegetarian! I recently read Michael Pollan’s “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” — and while I’m not ready to go full-blown vegetarian, I will definitely be paying closer attention to where my food supply comes from!

[Kimberly]

#1175467

Giving this older thread a “bump” for our newer members…

[Author]

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