[mamabear]

#1068033

I am so sorry you and your dh are going through this!

First thing I would do is stop telling her about counseling. What 8 year old wants to see someone they don’t know to listen to what they would think is nonsense. If counselor or psychiatrist asks her why are you doing this? Her answer will be I have no clue and she will think she is "bad". If someone asks her why do you think you are feeling this way, her answer will be I dont know I just do it thus again she will feel bad. As much as you and your husband are at wits end, can you imagine the feelings inside of her brain and how she wants to figure out what is wrong and why she is doing what she is doing and why is mom and dad so upset and mad at me. This is HUGE for an 8 year old to handle. I would let up on talking to her about seeing someone right now. Even if you do send her to see someone eventually, it should never be while she is alone and it shoudl be in the comfort of her home not an office at first.

I am sure others will have info for you to get her the help she needs. The best thing you can do for her is get her levels checked which is what you are doing. make sure you get the ranges and let us know.

Remember this isn’t her and she doesn’t want to be this way either but she has no clue what is going on. Even if you tell her it’s her Graves disease she really has no clue that this is what is causing her ranges.
Do you have her on a schedule, does she need a nap when she gets home? Her levels might be all screwed up and she can’t sleep or she is over tired.

Hugs to you,dh and dd. continue to come on here so we can support you all. It can’t be easy at all….let us help!

[smnm96]

#1018950

My 8 year old has Graves. Her home behaviors are completely out of control. Now that school has started homework has become a 3 hour fight nightly. She screams all night, we try to help her but her behavior is so erratic. When she calms she is able to do the work, but her calming period is only a matter of seconds, then right back to rage! I am having her levels tested tomorrow. She is on 5 mg tapazole and has not been tested since the beg of July. She was tapered in April and her tsh went form 15 to 1 in a matter of 5 weeks. I have talked to her about counselling but the poor thing just covers her ears, screams and wants nothing to do with it. I am at wits end and can not take this nightly battle. I am gone for work before she wakes, but my husband says the mornings with her are no picnic either!! Help!
Nicole

[Bobbi]

#1068034

I think counseling is a good idea — but not necessarily just for your daughter. My background is a bit different from yours, because the cause was not Graves in my daughter’s case. But she was acting out, temper tantrum prone, making life as miserable for us as your daughter is for you. I got counseling for both of us. As mamabear suggests forcing someone to see a counselor will not necessarily achieve good results, at least right away. And, in my daughter’s case, I don’t think it did much good at first. BUT. The counseling helped ME immensely in two ways. First, it helped me to identify what my part of the problem was. Yes, our daughter’s behavior was the major stress, but my husband and I were part of the problem based on our response to her behavior. Learning how to separate what was her problem from what was our problem, why we were responding the way we were and how we might change that response, went a long, long way to solving issues. The second way the counseling helped was from the standpoint of the counselor we had for our daughter. While our daughter did not necessarily respond as constructively as I did (because she was, in essence, being forced), that counselor provided my husband and me with significantly helpful observations.

[Ski]

#1068035

You may be able to get accommodations under the ADA or whatever IEP program your child’s school may have, at least while she’s in the process of achieving some sense of normalcy with her thyroid hormone levels. As with all of us who have Graves’, we didn’t get sick in a week, and we won’t get well in a week. Even if her levels are successfully managed (which it doesn’t sound like they are, yet), she’s going to need some TLC (yes, I just mean tender loving care) in order to come through this and heal completely. It’s possible to meet with her teachers and the school administrators, lay out her difficulties, and achieve some level of accommodation in order to keep everyone’s sanity. I realize you probably hate to grovel to her teachers and you may feel as if you’re making excuses for her, but keep in mind that her behavior at this point is CHEMICALLY DRIVEN. She is not a difficult child who doesn’t know how to behave, she is chemically imbalanced and needs to achieve some balance, THEN heal, before she will return to the child you remember before she was ill. In the meantime, there is no shame in asking for help to get through this. The teachers may allow shorter assignments, or extend due dates, or any of a thousand accommodations. Try talking through this with them and find a balance for all of you.

[mamabear]

#1068036

how is she in school? Ski is right an IEP can be given to her for her issues even if they aren’t achedemic related. I have a boy in IEP he goes to ICS classes and is donig well. I had to fight to get where are for him but it was worth it. his goal is to not have an IEP by junior year so we’re working on it. he doesn’t have graves just some reading comprehension issues but again it’s catered to each child’s needs. The school can’t deny you that.

[smnm96]

#1068037

She is an A student. Even though it is early, her math grades seem to slipping. She is getting B and 1 C on her homework. Part of the reason why her grades are low are because she forgets to do some of the work and skips problems. She has never done this before. She seems to be doing ok in her other subjects. She has no behavioral issues at school. Her doc told me this is normal, kids are able to control their emotions in a regimented setting. We will see what her labs are like. If her numbers are in range, I am not sure what to do next. I am a physician and spoke with a psychiatrist I work with . I was asking him about child psychologists. He seems to think she needs to see a child psychiatrist due to the Graves’. I do not want to put her on any more meds which I know is what a psychiatrist will want to do! I just want to find the best way to help her and her siblings whom are all affected by her behavior.

[LaurelM]

#1068038

It is hard for adults to deal with GD. I can’t imagine the difficulty a child would have in processing what has/is happening to them. I think it could be immensly helpful to have a third party (not a parent) to talk to. A psychologist/psychiatrist would have specialized knowledge & resources to draw from that could assist is this rocky time to give your daughter a safe place and tools to deal with her questions and frustrations. At 8 she will just not have any life experience to fall back on to allow her to frame this current difficulty.

I also agree with suggestion in other posts that the entire family consider counseling (siblings too if any – it can be easy to overlook the impact of a sibling’s illness when parents are in crisis mode). Everyone is affected.

Finding the right individual may take some trial and error. Just like any other medical specialist, we just click better with some than others.

Sometimes as parents we have to make decisions that are not popular with our children but for me, health and wellness (including mental health) are non-negotiable. How you present it of course can greatly impact her receptiveness. You may want to go alone first before she is seen so that you can get some coaching and support.

You as her parent will know your child best. Go with what your gut tells you you need to do.

[Ski]

#1068039

Well, it’s good news that she’s not acting out in school! Still, if homework is becoming an issue at home, you may be able to get some accommodation with that for a little while. It’s certainly true that people tend to "lash out" at the people they trust most ~ she knows you will love her no matter what! ~ and that makes it harder for you to determine how much is the disease, how much is just overall frustration, and how much is "willful misbehaving." Maybe it doesn’t really matter what it is, maybe you just need to do some damage control and make sure everybody in the house is not going nuts over the upheaval. In any event, I think counseling for you and your husband, at first, is a great idea. You can get some ideas on how to approach the entire family about this ~ we’ve had a little experience with it, though not because my child had Graves’, just because we needed to make sure we were handling things without making the situation any worse. As my Mom used to say, it takes two to tango ~ you may not even recognize things you’re doing that contribute to the overall "scene." In hindsight, I can see my contribution, but I had no perspective to see it while in the moment, which is another way a counselor can be a big help. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a time out, remove everyone from each other and just be still for a little while. If you are not willing to use medication for the behavioral issues, you have a right to refuse it as her parent, so don’t eliminate the idea of counseling just for that reason. And keep in mind that you do need to find a good "fit" with someone, this isn’t like finding a good cardiologist, it’s far more personal, so the process may take a little time, but the overall benefit, once you’ve found someone you like who can help, could be enormous.

[Madame_X]

#1068040

She is not too young for somewhat of a date planner.

They sell date planners for students — it helps to write down the homework assigments and to "plan ahead" when assignments, projects and what have you are due in the future.

Get one of those large dry erasable calendars, too, to record what is due when and to what teacher — and perhaps you can open the bribe window a bit.” title=”Smile” /> Give her a small allowance contingent upon timely completion of homework and other school related assignments.” title=”Smile” />

Hope this helps. GL.

I hated homework, too, at age 8 so somebody like me can see where this is at with your youngster. (same thing in my house — an argument nightly to get me to finish up homework and such)

[mamabear]

#1068041

That is great that there are no issues at school.

I hate to imply anything but I really have to ask this… Please don’t get upset (i know i did when I was asked lol), but think of it for a second and see if this fits.
Are you sure that she isn’t struggling with homework because she simply can’t do it? She might not "remember her math facts" or doesn’t understand what she is reading. She wont be able to tell you that she is having problems. She wont know at all even how to tell you, she’ll only get angry that she can’t do it or she’ll fight with you or your dh so she wont have to do her work.

If it weren’t for the Graves disease, you would think what is wrong? So if it isn’t poor levels due to graves then that is what you have to think about.

My son who is 14 1/2 MUST have an Agenda book with him. It’s basically his homework notepad but the school provides it. I have it in his IEP (indivualized educational program) that they must check that he writes it down correctly. yes it seems silly but he has to write it properly or he wont understand it when he gets home.

Is your dd having problems with the other kids in the house? Is she tired and in need of a nap when she gets home and that might be the reason homework time is difficult? What about having a snack when she gets home instead of trying to work on homework first?
You can even tell her that when she gets home, she can have a snack and prepare to do homework and you will work with her on it if she needs help. Or just sit and talk while she has her snack, just chat about anything.

Maybe plan a day like friday to do your nails or trim your hair together. If there are other daughters include them as well but maybe the first time do it with just her. Or saturday tell your dh and boys if you have them to go out and leave you and your dd and other girls at home alone just to hang out. OR take her out and other girls just to get out for a while.

Maybe it’s stressful to be in the house right from school and they need some outside time. Make playdough and give them a rolling pin and cookie cutters and let her play in the kitchen. (playdough is easy to make ; flour,salt and water till it’s workable) I have a real recipe if you need it. I use it ALL the time. I dont mind the clean up because my kids will play at the table for an hour or more. we do alphabets and numbers and shapes and make all kind of crazy things just to unwind.

I’m sure that counseling will help her but for now I would not tell her about it, that might be to stressful for her.

Also if this isn’t poor levels, what about having her tested by the school. They can test her educational level to see if that might be a problem, at least you will be able to rule that out as well.

just some thoughts. Not sure if they will help but I had to get them down on here before I forgot again lol.

[smnm96]

#1068042

She has an agenda book that the school gives them. She is in the advanced math class and when she settles herself down she is able to do the work. She reads books that her sister in 5th grade reads. They go to a private school and they have a very demanding schedule. She seems to be able to do all the work. She comes home and plays for hours outside. She plays soccer and enjoys piano. She is frustrated from the time she wakes in the morning until she goes to bed. At school she seems to be ok. Her numbers are going to be check today. I will keep you posted.

[smnm96]

#1068043

I just got her numbers back and they are all normal. Her tsh is 2.43. I do not know if her out of control emotions can be explained by the graves or is it something else. Have any of you had normal numbers but been emotionally hyperthyroid?
Thanks

[Ski]

#1068044

Levels "in the normal range" are not THE perfect point, there is a big difference. Unfortunately, many doctors look for that "green light" of normal range, then they stop thinking. It’s quite possible that even though her levels fall within the normal range, they are not normal for her. This continuing behavior could easily be a sign of that.

Still, I’m not exactly sure how long it has been since your daughter began treatment ~ I see in your original post, you mention that they tried to take her off ATDs in April, so I would imagine she’s been on ATDs for quite some time (they usually don’t attempt remission for at least a year). In any event, we are not "well" until our levels are normal (for us) and stable (for months), so it’s possible that along with this recent fluctuation came another period of time within which she needs to "settle."

It’s obviously impossible for us to evaluate everything that’s going on with her, though we can tell you how it feels to be where she is. It is extremely frustrating, and the "rage" is a classic symptom that really does take longer to dissipate than the others. For me, "Ms. Zen," it was literally like a freight train taking me over. First I’d take things too personally, imagine that people were just trying to bug me, and the next thing I knew I’d be a yelling, spitting crazy person. I was able to keep it better in check at work, not sure how, but perhaps I vented to friends rather than yelling at the "offender," something like that. When I was home I would find it far more difficult to keep a lid on it, and believe me, it got the better of me quite a lot. If you can talk over these episodes with her AFTER she’s calmed down, perhaps you can come up with some way to "break the tension" when they begin. Something that may make your daughter laugh, or minimize the impact ~ Jake used to replace the words he was yelling with "I LOVE YOU! I AM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU! I DO NOT KNOW WHY I AM YELLING!" That takes a bit more of an adult mentality, in the moment, I think ~ but maybe talking it over with your daughter can help you come up with something that will entertain you both and bring the tantrum to a close. I really wish you luck.

[mamabear]

#1068045

Ski has many great points!

I have a question, could she be burnt out (not in the hypo sense) and just overly tired. Maybe too much outside time or not enough calming time. like a nice warm bath about 15 minutes after dinner so she has time to soak and play in the tub.

I know that dh and I when I researched what Graves was, put a list together of symptoms. I put it up on the mirror and when I had one I checked it off. I laughed at it and moved on. If i was an outraging maniac, afterward I would go and mark that off and laugh again about it. I’d put a new one up and again do the same thing. It was fun to see how many I actually had AND how long it took to get rid of them. We made it a game because I wanted to embrace Graves but at the same time laugh in it’s face when I tried to kick it’s butt. It was just a way of dealing with it for me.

Maybe you and your dd can have a jar that she makes. (wide mouth bottle/jar, masking tape and shoe polish the color is her choice) Rip pieces of tape off and cover the jar with the masking tape. Sort of like a mosaic looking piece. Make sure to overlap the pieces too, two layers are just fine. Then take a cloth and put the shoe polish on the bottle. The tapes edges will be darker because of the tearing of the tape. It’s make a great gift too! You can use as much or as little as you like. I have one that is burgundy, black and brown. Those colors used created 3 different beautiful vases for my house!

So make a jar and the deal is if she can "Try" to calm down when she is feeling cranky, YOU put a penny in the jar. You can use any coin but I love pennies. lol
Tell her this is a game that you can play with Graves disease, she will litterally be laughing in it’s face. Kicking it’s butt by "trying" to calm down. It might take her a really long time the first time but then she can beat her record the next time and go from there. I say "trying" because it’s better than saying to her you better or you must do it. Trying is something an 8 year old can do, trying never hurt anyone so she might relate to that and laughing at Graves disease than getting mom and dad to beg her to be quiet because she is so unruly

You might even tell her that that jar is for her only and it’s to "Laugh at Graves’ disease".

I’d like to take a minute and say THANK YOU to your and your dh. If not for you and him, she might not be in the place she is in right now mentally. Two good parents that support her and are looking for answers and are willing to fight for what she needs and help her through this. You aren’t saying oh it’s just her and she is being bratty, you are really trying to sort it all out. KUDOS to you! You are her advocates and you are doing a damn good job of that. My hat is off to the both of you.

Also, I personally do well at my levels being 1.5-2.5, but my levels tend to stay below 1.5 and when they are under 1.0 you can tell for sure. My general dr. knows this and supports me but my old endo said if nothing else is changed and TSH is within normal range then i’m fine. I’m just happy that general dr. is a good woman.

prayers

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