[Tomas July 17, 2012 at 2:42 pm Post count: 3]

#1059208

Hi everyone!

First of all I will start with apologizing for my bad English writing because English is not my native language it is very difficult for me to express how I feel in words.

I am/was in a relationship with the most beautifull girl in the world. I guess it was 2 months ago when she said to me that her heartbeat was not normal and when she was in the shower she couldn’t stand on her feet and had to sit down and she had severe headaches. At first she didn’t want to go to the GP because the last time she visited him due to the headaches he said that is was because of stress and that she needs to relax. I pushed her to go and she asked for a other GP and she did some blood tests and diagnosed her with Graves disease.

She was diagnosed 4 weeks ago and since then our life became a rollercoasterride! This year we moved in together and in the beginning everything was great. We had our argues but that’s normal when you move in together. The argues became more frequent but we still managed to sort things out. Till the moment she was diagnosed I didn’t knew of Graves disease and when she was diagnosed i didn’t felt the need to dive into all the information because she got medicines and that would fix her. I didn’t take it to serious and the argueing went on and on. Till the moment she said to me that she didn’t loved me anymore and that she wanted to break up our relationship and she needed to live on her own again. My whole world collapsed as you can imagine. She has a new place and she is moving out at the moment.

I am aware that this is caused by me not understanding the disease and the situation. I made a mistake and this isn’t easy to fix. I’ve read all the information I could find about this disease and think i know a lot of what is going on in her mind. The problem is that she is using the medicines but she doesn’t accept that a lot of the problems we had in the past period are due to the disease. Everytime I try to convince her that there are a lot of psychological symptoms related to the disease. I even say that I’ve read a lot of forums where people have the same problems we have. But she doesn’t see it that way and everytime I try to tell her that it ends in a argue. She tells me she feels fine and that I’m finding a way to put all our problems on the disease. We’ve come to the point that she is not really talking to me and i’m really afraid that I will lose the girl i really love. It feels like the chemistry is gone and we can’t talk to each other.

On all the forums I read it will take time before the medicines will kick in and she will eventually see where this all comes from, but i’m afraid it will be to late. Is there anyone who can give me advise on making her accept the disease? I’m going crazy here! I want to support her and help her with everything but I can’t because we do not talk to each other.

[KimberlyOnline Facilitator July 17, 2012 at 2:55 pm Post count: 4294]

#1172964

Hello – I know there are some other members here who have been through similar situations, so I hope they will check in and give you some advice. In the meantime, you might use the “search posts” feature to look for old posts with keywords “wife”, “girlfriend”, “divorce”, etc..

Unfortunately, Graves’ disease can definitely cause complications that puts a huge strain on relationships. Here is a bulletin that describes some of the effects:

(Note on links: if you click directly on the following link, you will need to use your browser’s “back” button to return to the boards after viewing, or you will have to log back in to the forum. As an alternative, you can right-click the link and open it in a new tab or new window).

http://gdatf.org/about/about-graves-disease/patient-education/whats-wrong-with-me/

It sounds like your girlfriend is taking anti-thyroid drugs, which can take a few weeks before you fully see the effects. And even after that, the symptoms sometimes linger until the body has really had a chance to heal. However, they *can* restore her to good health, and hopefully, she will have a change of heart when she starts feeling better. We actually counsel patients to NOT make any major decisions on relationships, major purchases, moving, etc. until they are feeling better. We would be happy to communicate directly with your girlfriend if she’d like to e-mail us at info@gdatf.org.

Wishing you all the best.

[beach45 July 18, 2012 at 12:04 pm Post count: 178]

#1172965

Tomas,

I can relate as I was similar to what is sounds your girlfriend is going through prior to being treated. I argued with everyone and just wanted to be alone even though I am married. I won’t go into detail yet it was pretty bad. Since I have gone to a therapist who specializes in people with anxiety and depression problems with some who have thyroid issues which can cause extreme mood swings and if not corrected timely and properly will linger and mimic Bipolar disorder. The book “The Thyroid Solution” written by Ridha Arem, MD, helped me tremedously to see that I was reacting strangely in relationships due to a chemical imbalance. I am told to get the thyroid corrected and do not expect that even after being balanced that I will be perfect as healing can take a lot of time. Yet, the person has to want help and it took me a long time to accept that yet now when I look back I see what was going on. My husband has been very supportive and I had him read different writings that were addressed to family and friends of those who have thyroid disease. We still have our issues, yet things improved and I’m still in the process of working on getting balanced unfortunately after 2 years yet my circumstances are different and some get better with treatment quicker than others. This site has great resources and one of the first things I read is what Kimberly is referring to below. I wish you the best of luck with all this.

[Carito71 July 18, 2012 at 12:50 pm Post count: 333]

#1172966

Welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry your girlfriend has been diagnosed with GD. She is going through a tough time and it can be a very hard time for those who love her as well.

You stated that she is taking her medications and I believe she is probably then also seeing a Dr. and getting the medical help she needs. I hope that is the case.

My personal opinion is giving her time to feel better and to actually have the strength to think about the relationship. I know that it is hard to do but you said you love her and she said she needs space and time and therefore, since she has asked for it, I think you should give it to her.

Before she leaves, let her know that you love her, let her know that you made a mistake but that you have corrected it by getting informed about the disease and joining a support group, let her know that you will be there to support her when she needs you. Give her time and don’t concentrate on how her diagnosis/symptoms could have added to the arguments because that is the last thing she wants to hear. You have mentioned it to her and there is nothing else you can tell her about it. Give her the support she needs by letting her know what I mentioned above. Well, that is just what I think might be appropriate at this time since she has asked to be left alone. Only you know the situation and only you are the best judge to decide what to do. Her health is the most important thing at the moment in my personal opinion.

I believe that time will be your friend on this one. As long as she is taking care of her medical needs I think you should support her by giving her the time she is requesting. There is no worst feeling than feeling sick and having to deal with a lot of other things around you. The best thing my husband has said to me is that he is and will be there to support me. Daily hugs and daily understanding is a big plus …. especially at the beginning when we are trying to learn how to cope with everything. Believe me, this disease makes us feel very very sick. I know that I have had to give it my all to carry on with my life and deal with the disease. It is not easy on anyone. I know that the less I had/have to worry about at the moment the better. Your girlfriend might be thinking the same. I’m also new with the whole thing so I’m still learning how to cope with it all.

I’m glad you have joined us. You will find support here. I hope with all my heart that your girlfriend will soon feel a lot better.

Caro

[Tomas July 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm Post count: 3]

#1172967

I’ve just found out that she is seeing someone else! I had to find it out myself! I feel terrible at the moment. I still think this due to the Graves because this is not the girl I knew before.. Please tell me this is Graves disease aswell!

Otherwise I will go mad! I love her so much and still do even if she is seeing someone else! I don’t know what to do??

[KimberlyOnline Facilitator July 20, 2012 at 8:59 am Post count: 4294]

#1172968

Hi Tomas – I’m so sorry about this latest development. We can’t tell you for sure what is/isn’t Graves’ related, but I *have* on occasion heard similar stories from other spouses and significant others. Some of them have shared their experiences on this board.

I can only hope that time — and proper treatment for your girlfriend — will bring you a positive outcome.

Please take care.

[gatorgirly July 20, 2012 at 12:11 pm Post count: 326]

#1172969

Hi Tomas,

I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through, and I wanted to chime it because I have been in your ex-girlfriend’s shoes. When I was diagnosed, I was in a pretty up-and-down relationship with my long-time college boyfriend. After graduation, I got a job four hours south and he enrolled in law school two hours north, and our drive to see each other was seven hours in traffic, so he didn’t come visit me in the hospital. Since he was in school, I understood and wasn’t upset that he didn’t come. But I was very sick, and laying in that hospital bed left me plenty of time to think about every single little thing (I didn’t have a phone or laptop or any personal belongings for the first two days I was hospitalized, so I was REALLY bored). I thought about whether the downs in the relationship were worth the ups. In the end, I decided they were not. A few days later, after several days in the hospital and several more recuperating at home, I called my then-boyfriend and told him it was over.

I don’t consider it a rash decision at all – even though some people here mention that Graves patients are told not to make major decisions until stabilized. My brain and feelings were never compromised and the scariness of coming so close to death gave me immense clarity.

Your ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with a disease that, as women especially, really changes the entire game. I moved on quite quickly to someone else, and my ex quickly decided he wasn’t over me when he realized I had moved on. It didn’t work out with the new guy, because those rebound relationships rarely do, but I needed to be taken care of and feel loved and it seems like she wasn’t getting that from you. I never went back to my ex and have not spoken to him in more than two years.

Of course, I don’t know either one of you and I’m just going off what you have written, but if I were here, I would want my space. Let her be. Whether or not she ends up with this new guy, it doesn’t matter to you. I would continue what you’re doing – researching Graves and learning all you can. That way, if she does reach out to you, she’ll know you did all this for her. But having been in her situation, she needs her time and space and to feel loved, by you or by someone else. I hope for your sake she changes her mind, but know that she has to do what is best for her right now.

Kelly

[catstuart7 July 20, 2012 at 5:21 pm Post count: 225]

#1172970

Tomas, I really feel for your situation – I think maybe five times I’ve read now about relationships breaking up when the Graves hits. At this point you can’t really know whether there were problems that would inevitably lead to breakup even if gf hadn’t become ill or not. I agree with Gatorgirl that you need to respect her decision and give her some space. In a few months, maybe six or so, she should be more stabilized with her hormones and you could see if she still feels the same way about things.

[Carito71 July 22, 2012 at 10:43 am Post count: 333]

#1172971

Tomas,

I’m sorry to hear that she is seeing someone else. Like anything that adds to our emotions, GD, cancer, a baby, doesn’t matter what, a disease will only intensify what ever is going on in the relationship … whether good or bad. My personal opinion is that it is time to move on. She has chosen to be with someone else and as hard as that is, for your own health and well being, I personally think it is time to move on. I wish you both the very best. Like I said … I believe time will be your friend on this one.

Caro

[Author]

Posts