Post count: 326

    Hi Tomas,

    I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through, and I wanted to chime it because I have been in your ex-girlfriend’s shoes. When I was diagnosed, I was in a pretty up-and-down relationship with my long-time college boyfriend. After graduation, I got a job four hours south and he enrolled in law school two hours north, and our drive to see each other was seven hours in traffic, so he didn’t come visit me in the hospital. Since he was in school, I understood and wasn’t upset that he didn’t come. But I was very sick, and laying in that hospital bed left me plenty of time to think about every single little thing (I didn’t have a phone or laptop or any personal belongings for the first two days I was hospitalized, so I was REALLY bored). I thought about whether the downs in the relationship were worth the ups. In the end, I decided they were not. A few days later, after several days in the hospital and several more recuperating at home, I called my then-boyfriend and told him it was over.

    I don’t consider it a rash decision at all – even though some people here mention that Graves patients are told not to make major decisions until stabilized. My brain and feelings were never compromised and the scariness of coming so close to death gave me immense clarity.

    Your ex-girlfriend was diagnosed with a disease that, as women especially, really changes the entire game. I moved on quite quickly to someone else, and my ex quickly decided he wasn’t over me when he realized I had moved on. It didn’t work out with the new guy, because those rebound relationships rarely do, but I needed to be taken care of and feel loved and it seems like she wasn’t getting that from you. I never went back to my ex and have not spoken to him in more than two years.

    Of course, I don’t know either one of you and I’m just going off what you have written, but if I were here, I would want my space. Let her be. Whether or not she ends up with this new guy, it doesn’t matter to you. I would continue what you’re doing – researching Graves and learning all you can. That way, if she does reach out to you, she’ll know you did all this for her. But having been in her situation, she needs her time and space and to feel loved, by you or by someone else. I hope for your sake she changes her mind, but know that she has to do what is best for her right now.