Wow! I thought I was going crazy, too! I used to be kinda meek – and standing up for myself took a lot of nerve. But about 3 years ago, I started becoming different. My family attributed it to my divorce in 2002 after too many years of mental abuse. They figured I had "found my voice" or something. My sons learned that when I said "no" I really, really meant it! It took me a couple of years to tone it down and learn to control myself. I learned to use this "new found voice" to stand up for myself without being too, um….witchy, I guess you could say.
I remarried and moved from my little hometown to the city in 2004, and no one here knows what I used to be like. I got a new career and have quickly "rose in the ranks"….partly because of this new "attitude". I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind, and I don’t say things I don’t mean (no brown-nosing). Our vice president tells people they shouldn’t ask me questions they don’t want honest answers to! It’s a new kind of respect I’ve never gotten before.
When I was diagnosed with GD in Feb 2007, the doctor said it seems like it’s been coming on for a while. In 2002 I rapidly lost about 20 pounds and thought it was stress from the divorce. When I met my current husband two years later, I started gaining (happy at last, I thought.). But when I tried to control it to make sure I didn’t gain too much….I couldn’t. I actually got dizzy and fell off the treadmill one night and my heart was racing. That’s when I got diagnosed.
So…my new found voice was just one of many symptoms. I know that as my thyroid levels fluctuate, so does my "witch" level! I can be happy and cheerful one day, and either weepy or aggravated the next. And since my personality is "dependent" upon my levels, traditional antidepressents and mood meds just don’t work. So I have to keep myself in check when I feel these changes coming.
Wacomom – I don’t know if this makes you feel any better, but I hope it does. I was adopted, so I don’t know just how many problems I have in my genes. Sometimes that’s a good thing – sometimes not. But my parents told me when I was a teenager that my birth mother was a "woman of loose morals". So I wondered if I had that in me, too. And I STRIVED to be a good mother and prove that I wasn’t like her. So I kinda understand what you’re feeling (a little maybe). Don’t give up just because you think you’re "supposed" to be like that due to genes. You control your body and mind. Try to teach yourself to use those moods to your advantage and control them. Maybe it’s all just hormones.
BTW – I love Waco – my son graduated from Baylor last year and I really miss visiting your city!
