Post count: 211

    Today has been another hard day for me. I just left work early because my body was shaking so bad I could barely walk or hold on to anything let alone help customers. I pulled over to collect myself on my drive home because my mind was racing and I felt my body was going to just give up on me. I thought for sure I wasn’t going to make it home. My heart was pounding, my legs were shaking on the gas peddle. I was sweating and i had awful pressure in my head from blood pressure going up im sure. I didnt take my medicine today because im afraid to take it. I usually take it when im around friends or family because if something happens I will be able to get help right away. I know I shouldnt take my med’s when I am "okay" to take them, its just i have had such bad reactions. For example when I was going to the dr at first they gave me lexapro because they diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks. I had a seizure from that. I was put on inderal (propanolol) when lexapro didnt work and got jaundice from that. I was put on labatelol and it speed my heart rate up and lopressor made me pass out every time i took it. I no longer can take beta blockers so we are hoping the PTU was gonna bring the heart rate/palpitations down sooner than later. So I know have extreme anxiety with taking meds, every time I go to take the PTU I think im going to have a seizure or pass out and im going to be alone and have no one to call 911 for me. I always have my phone open and 911 put in so all i have to do is send talk and i know help is on the way. One day EMT was at my house 3 times. They have ran runs on me so many times they know who I am as soon as they hear my age and complaint. I have finally found a great PCP and a great Endo I am just having prblms trusting the medicine. I google everything my body does or feels and find out the worst on the internet. I go to bed thinking im not waking up and ill cry myself to sleep sometimes or go and watch tv till my body just falls asleep because when im awake i know im alive. I know it sounds weird but i think im geting the emotional liablitly the most from this disease. Well Im gonna go try to convince myself to take my medicine.LOL!

    Thankyou Mamabear and ski for all your kind words and concern.