[Naisly]

#1060030

I decided to just make a new topic – Just because those of you seem curious as to my story and because it is sort of off topic from the original post.

karenz516 wrote:

@Naisly

I have a question, has your heart rate every been 180 bpm? Have you gotten swollen calves and feet? Do you have eye issues? Do you suffer from tremors that you can barely write or hold a cup of tea? Do you sleep most of the time and can barely move? Do you ever suffer from barely making it to the bathroom due to hyper digesting issues? I ask these questions because I wonder how you deal with the hyper symptoms on a daily basis? Do you work full-time and have a family?

Just curious,

I have been very sick. I think I suffered every symptom and some were backwards – Like, my cycle was so heavy and (34days was the longest) back to back I thought I was bleeding to death. I was (still am) freezing cold. My heart rate got as low as 80/40 and my pulse was around 120ish on good days. I was taking 240mg of beta blockers a day. I had severe shortness of breath, and my palps were so bad that by the end of the summer, they were constant 24/7. This of course made me so dizzy. Then add crippling headaches to the mix.

I went into such a deep dark hole last summer that I was seriously contemplating death – I was fixated on it, to the point I began to accept and welcome it. At that point I gave myself a couple months to live – One way or another I was going to die.

You see, I have a full time picture framing business in my home and with this comes a lot of razor blades and with that came many scary thoughts. I literally saw myself ending my life this way so it could be over and done with. I tried to reach out to this forum back then but no one understood.

I couldn’t even walk down the stairs in my own home to greet a customer. I had to crawl and the pain was just too bad and my legs were so very weak I could barely hold up my weight. I couldn’t sign my name or fill out work-orders. I was so hungry but I didn’t have the money to buy food and dropped to 92lbs was my lowest. I had to stop driving because my anxiety was just too bad and my eyes really bothered me.

I couldn’t just take sick days, nor could I close my business because I have $3000 worth of bills to pay monthly. My partner didn’t understand and forced me to continue even though I was so tired, both physically and mentally (I have to work 6-7 days per week). I thought about letting my home go into foreclosure, but I was just too tired even for that – So in my own mind the only way out was death.

During this time I also opened a manufacturing business – I have 2 sons that live with me, both have ASD. My youngest was very suicidal and I had to go for many many meetings for schools, doctors, etc because of it. My partner is an alcoholic and can’t stand my youngest son. My mom is an alcoholic as well. She was in a coma for 3months because of it and broke 2hips. Her house went into foreclosure. And since I have power of attorney I had to take care of it all. Including putting her in a home, dealing with her doctors and her issues, cleaning out and getting rid of most my stuff, moving all her house hold belongings into my home.

This all started because I have a bad phobia for taking pills. I refused to take my ATD’s for 3 months.

And one day my partner said to me, “If you want to die so badly, then why don’t you just take the pills and get it over with.”

Something clicked and I thought, “why not?” I want to die anyways, and at least this way I wouldn’t be taking my own life. So, I planned to take them the day before my birthday. September 12th, because I thought if it was 1 day before, then chances are pretty good that by my birthday September 13th the pills would do their thing and kill me.

Well, one day led into the next and about 3weeks later I was walking up and down the stairs, signing my own name. My dark deep hole was nothing but a pinhole now almost as if a dream.

My internist had said that if I wasn’t taking so much beta-blocker I would have been in a thyroid storm and he has never seen anyone as sick as I (with GD) in his 35 years of practice.

You asked how I dealt with it while I had hyper symptoms. All I can say is I made it through and once someone does get on ATD’s those hyper symptoms go away for most part – But it does take healing, strength and educating one self.

And of course the second chapter (if I ever write it) would be ‘why’ I educate and advocate.

~Naisly

[Stymie]

#1179777

Naisly

That is quite a journey that you went through to get well again. Everything we go through affects our lives and changes us. Hopefully for the better. You are a true warrior naisley.

I hope you do write part 2. I would love to read it.

Diane

[Naisly]

#1179778

Thank you Stymie for the kind words.

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