[jacquiello]

#1059974

Hello everyone,

I am married and now separated to someone who has Graves. I’m hoping someone might have some ideas for me.

Two years ago my husband was diagnosed had his thyroid removed and that’s really when our relationship broke down completely. Prior to this he had numerous issues (night sweats and weight up and down – not sleeping etc), but nothing like when they finally removed his thyroid. Daily mood swings, anger and irritability to the point where I was being verbally abused and had to leave as I was an emotional mess. On top of the mood swings he was using Pot every day and drinking every night, and completely uninterested in me. He was forgetful and totally distant. He even stared smoking cigarets, all bizarre behavior.

I suggest to him that maybe it was his thyroid and he just got more annoyed with me. I went to see his family doc alone and asked for help, but my husband reported feeling fine. So there continued to be no help. Even our friends tried talking to him and he just stopped talking to them and moved away.

After leaving him one year ago, I thought he might realize what he had done, but he just seemed more angry and told me to buzz off when I tried again to encourage him to speak with his doctor. For the last year I have attended an abuse group for woman suffering from verbal abuse and have been encouraged to just “save myself” but I do love him keep thinking that maybe it’s his thyroid and there could be help.

Just a few days ago he spoke with me for the first time in 7 months. He did seem much more relaxed so we went for coffee. But the next time I saw him he ended up yelling at me again – totally fine one minute and abusive the next. He is still drinking wine – and I’m sure alcohol is not a good idea.

If I could have my old husband back I would be so happy – this new guy is a nightmare and I can’t stand the person he has become.

Ideas please….and he says his blood scores are fine!

[letsgomets]

#1179262

If it is any help to you, I know of a woman whose husband was abusive — all of this happened when their marriage was crumbling — and it turns out his bizarre behaivor was due to his being bi polar. It happened out of the middle of nowhere.

She is divorced from him 17 years already — and during that time, they more or less became “buddies.” She says she gets along better with him now than they did when they were married.

Your stbxH probably has a drinking problem which is extrinsic of his Graves.

Based on the drinking, you need to tell him you won’t have any contact with him while he is under the influence and NOT clean and sober with the help of AA or a drug and alcohol counselor — and that your attorney will contact him for anything legal.

And then stick to your guns: he’s out of your life until he cleans up his act.

I suggest AlAnon for you. I don’t know if you and he have kids but if you do, AlaTeen for them.

Wishing you luck.

[vanillasky]

#1179263

Sorry to read all of this. I find it very sad. However, the drugs and alcohol has GOT TO STOP.

He should be on the road to recovery, not destroying himself and his marriage with these “vices.”

I hate to say it, but I think he needs professional help. I never want to say that but as my endo says, graves’ plays with the mind too. He has had some people just lose it in his office and act off the wall. You can’t blame it all on thyroid if there are other things like alcohol and marijuana usage.

Karen

[Kimberly]

#1179264

Hello – I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this, but am glad that you found us. Having our thyroid levels out of balance absolutely affects our emotional state, which can put a severe strain on marriages and relationships. If you use the search function in the top right-hand corner of the screen and do a search for “wife”, “husband”, “divorce”, etc., you can read experiences from others who have been through very similar situations.

Stabilizing thyroid hormone levels can make a huge difference in terms of emotional swings – but the catch is that each individual must come to the decision themselves to take their treatment regimen seriously. After a thyroidectomy, the doc makes his/her best guess as to an appropriate dose of replacement hormone, but it can take multiple follow up visits of checking levels and tweaking the dose to find the “sweet spot” that will stabilize levels and eliminate symptoms. Perhaps there is someone you both trust (family member, pastor, etc.) who might be able to approach your husband with a suggestion to get his levels checked? Of course, the alcohol and marijuana use could make it more challenging to sort out what is causing his specific symptoms.

I wish you all the best in this situation…but ultimately, it’s important to make sure you are taking care of *yourself* as well.

[Boomer]

#1179265

Dearest Jacquiello,

I’m so sorry to read of your struggles. Please know that the hard times upon you WILL pass and the sun will shine upon you again.

I don’t think I can offer you any better suggestions than those already offered by the good people above but I want you to know that I have you in my thoughts and am sending you all of the positive energy possible.

I’m glad that you found this amazing site and I hope you will take advantage of the solid support and fact-based opinions offered here.

I wish you and yours the very best.

With love to all,

Boomer

[Raspberry]

#1179266

Hi Jacquellio, so sorry for all you’ve gone through and lost, Graves can take many prisoners. My experience and what I’ve observed with other family members with Graves is that it puts strain on the entire mind/body system of the person. And the weak link in the chain breaks. So if the weak link is a tendency to alcoholism like it sounds with your husband, then maybe this is when it reveals itself. For some it is bipolar. For some it’s a physical system. Still…even if the Graves and being at the wrong thyroid levels tipped him over into these behaviors it didn’t cause it directly. Please take care of yourself, right now he doesn’t sound like a safe person to be in your life.

[Holly10]

#1179267

sorry to hear your tail.

My thoughts are hormones need to be sorted medication is key and needs to be sorted. How are ever going to know what normal is until then.

Alchol is just being used to make up for the emotional black whole your partner is in.

Do what ever you can to get him to see reason and get help for medication levels.

Everyone needs support and encouragement through difficult times. Big strong for both of you. Get yourself support and advice on dealing with someone who is ill. A little bit of a steer on how to cope with him avoiding the problem will help you loads on the long run.

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