[Babygirly]

#1058666

Hello all. I need a bit of help. I am struggling a little to handle the rage. I am not being treated at the moment (long story) until I get my next set of bloods mid october. I thought i was managing ok but the last couple of days the rage has returned big style.

My problem is that i find it really difficult to manage when around my little girl. We all know that a child’s cries affect us massivily – they are designed too! I just cant cope well.

I would never hurt her, nor react angrily in front of her. But I am spending more and more time walking away from her to calm down. And it barely works as i can still hear her, and when i go back nothing has changed – i am still angry. I held her this morning trying to sooth her to sleep with teeth chlenched and muslces tensed. No wonder it took her a while to get to sleep.

She is learning every day how to behave, and what she sees is a very stressed mother who cant handle the slightest thing. i dont want her to thnk this is normal.

I feel like such a bad parent.

Has anyone dealt with rage around their children?

[Bobbi]

#1169261

I feel very strongly that whatever your reasons for putting off treatment are, they are now irrelevant. Our children learn from example. Seeing parents reject them, in fury, isn’t good for them — and that IS how children interpret things. Our children internalize things. Your child will not understand why you are tense and furious, she will blame herself. Make it a point to get your thyroid levels under control — that is step one. It doesn’t happen quickly, overnight. It takes weeks, and the longer you put things off, the worse it gets.

As for how I coped with the anger when I was suffering the thyroid imbalance, I verbalized to my family things like: "I am really really angry right now, but it is not your fault. " My kids were, obviously, older.

I also took the stress off myself by finding other ways to do things, anticipating stresses (planning/cooking Thanksgiving dinner, etc.), so that I eased up on myself. I did not do a lot of things I normally would have done. I prioritized to remove added stress. The way to do this that I have suggested to lots of people over the years is to imaging that your best friend feels as lousy as you do right now, and then imagine whether or not you would insist that she do X, Y or Z. Typically, if we saw our best friend standing for a half hour doing dishes, while feeling as awful as we do, we would offer to help; we would make her sit down. Treat yourself as well as you would treat your best friend. That might mean paper plates are used. It might mean TV dinners. Not great, but better than wearing yourself out, because when you start to get worn out, your emotions will flow more uncontrollably. Try to analyze when your child is getting cranky, anticipate, and handle things to minimize the issues. Is it because you are busy, and ignoring her? Can you do things differently for a bit? (Remember this is temporary until you can get well again.) Is it when YOU are particularly tired/frazzled? Is there a good friend who could watch the child while you take a half-hour nap? I’m just free-thinking here. None of these may apply perfectly, but perhaps it can give you some ideas of how to short-circuit the rage times.

I do hope you are much better and soon.

[Babygirly]

#1169262

Thank you for your reply. It was very hard to read.

I feel i need to explain a little. I have not refused treatment for selfish reasons, but for my daughters benefit. No-one can give me a definite answer that the meds are safe while bf. Every person i speak to, everything i read, it all says different things. ‘Probably safe’ is a phrase i come across a lot. Most things say that id the infants thyroid status is monitored then there shoudl not be a problem. My endo said they wouldnt test my daughter. I am sure you can understand my reluctance.

Secondly is the possibility that i might not have Graves. Post partum thyroiditis does not need treatment and there are a few things that suggest I have this condition rather than graves. Firstly the time period post partum, secondly the gradual decrease in t3 and t4 levels. From what i understand graves does not spontaneously disapear, ppt does.

Thirdly throw in some emotional instability which makes it really hard to tell what is really happening. Part of me really thinks i have ppt and will be fine soon, part of my thinks i have an obsessive delusion that i am fine and will do anythign to prove it and should really get a grip, just accept that i am unwell and get on with my life.

That is why i have refused treatment so far.

Add a whole load of guilt about trying to be a good mother by not exposing her to the drugs but failing spectacularly by exposing her to a tyrant instead.

I dont even know what my point was in the first place. i swear this time last week i was fine. i was convinced it was gone.

[Kimberly]

#1169263

Hello – Have you had antibodies (TSI or TRAb) tested? This can help distinguish Graves’ vs. PPT via a simple blood test without having to do the Radioactive Iodine Uptake & Scan.

There are many women on this board who have taken Anti-Thyroid Drugs while breast-feeding or while pregnant. It’s obviously not an ideal situation, but if you *are* dealing with Graves’, you really do want to select a treatment option to get yourself back on the road to good health.

[Babygirly]

#1169264

I tested positive for antibodies (sorry, I dont know which), but i was told they would be present in both ppt and graves – just at different levels. A lower reading would indicate ppt, a higher graves. My endo was not forthcoming with any figures, she just keep pressing that it is graves due to the time post partum. My first results were about 8 months pp – she says this means it is graves, but the research i have done seems to suggest ppt can start up to 12 months pp.

When i last saw my endo we agreed to wait for the next bloods – due in about 5 weeks. If they were higher or the same i would start treatment, lower would indicate ppt and just be monitored. Problem is i felt pretty good at that time and was happy to wait. I cant manage another 5 weeks like this though.

I am tempted to get an earlier blood test, but the last one was only 2 weeks ago – surely they wont be that different? Would it be worth it?

[Bobbi]

#1169265

Not to make your complex situation even more complicated, the reality is that even if your thyroid levels returned to normal by mid-October, that would not definitively mean that the diagnosis was post-partum thyroiditis. It could also mean that Graves had gone into remission for a while. The issue remains, what you should do now, in this moment. You have chosen to put things off, hoping to avoid taking a drug that MIGHT adversely affect the baby. It can, but it typically does not. But in the now, in reality, your deferral of treatment is already having real consequences for the baby. You started this topic because you feel horrible about the rage the baby’s cries cause. That’s a real concern.

I truly understand your ambivalence. I, too, would be very concerned about taking the antithyroid drugs while breast feeding. I get it. But I think my response to you is based in part on the fact that I had a mother who flew into rages, and who,it turned out later, had Graves. Some of my worst memories are associated with those rages, even though my mother didn’t hit me during them. So, I feel I must speak for the child, your child, as well as for you. Babies DO survive on formula. And, the antithyroid drugs do not always adversely impact the baby’s thyroid function. There are alternative choices you can make which might be better than the one you have currently made. The alternatives are not perhaps ideal, but there are alternatives.

[snelsen]

#1169266

It is my experience is that I regarded ATD’s as a new lease on my life, my mental health, my ability to be a good new (breast-feeding) mom, and my physical health. In my own experience, itmwould be like consciously saying to myself "I choose to feel like like crap, have uncontrollable fits of anger, life is hell, and I want to be like this."
I could not get on them fast enough. I did get these symptoms after having my baby, all I wanted to do was to turn into a rational, normal person again.

If I were in your situation, I would beg for the ATD drugs. I would want them if I had Graves or thyroiditis. Not sure how old your child is, it really makes no difference, so if you use the search engine on this board to read other posts about feeding your child while taking ATD’s I think you would be very reassured on this subject. Not sure where you live, but a pediatric endocrinologist is a good resource to discuss how to be sure your baby is doing well.

You are not well, whatever the reason. I wish you the best as you agonize over all of this. I would like to remind you that it is very challenging to think rationally when we are hyper. It is also called thyroTOXICosis, and it is a toxic and dangerous for our bodies.

I think you already realize that this a terrible situation for your little girl. Perhaps this a good time for you to see if you can find a nice, nurturing person you can trust to be with her some of the time, I did this when I was such a nutcase before The ATDs kicked in. I lived in student housing at this time, and I asked other moms to take them, bring the baby back so I could nurse him, give him love and bond with him, which is so critical to growth and development.

Please understand that I am telling you MY experience.
I do think you need to realize that you are fragile right now. having said that, there is another small person in your life, so maybe you don’t have the right to have a non negotiable stand based only on your thinking about all of this.
And, all fo this takes way more time than we want it to take.
There are good articles on this site for you to read so younarenempowered with knowwledge

[Babygirly]

#1169267

I think something you said there is really valid – about not being able to think rationally. I have read so much information about ATDs and breastfeeding you wouldn’t believe. I just struggle to assimilate that information into something useful in my situation. It is so complex and I just can’t muddle through it.

Since writing the first post I have started weaning, and now I only breastfeed once a day. That will make it easier to stop all together – which I am pretty sure is what needs to happen. I am not comfortable continuing in spite of lots of positive stories, I just can’t get my head around it.

I don’t really know where to go from here though. OK I accept I need to start taking the meds. I have some ptu in the cupboard but I reacted badly to it. The endo said she would give me something else if I started taking them again. But I don’t see her until December. I will have to go back through my gp but it could take a while to go through the system from the start.

Thanks everyone for your input, it really helps.

[Author]

Posts