[grasshopper]

#1073111

I am in no way a qualified professional such as a Dr so please take what I say as just a friend who wants to help.
If things are so out of control and you feel " you’re not going to be here when the appt comes around", it is time to go
to your local emergency room and seek help. We have to be proactive and help ourselves at times, and from what you write, this
seems like one of those times.
You are a strong person. You’re going thru a rough time now, but it WILL get better. Since you don’t give your age, could some of how
you are feeling be due to menopause or peri-menopause? I realize from my own experience that having thyroid issues can create havoc,
yet at the same time, other factors effect us also that are not due to our thyroids.
You are an example for your children and I am sure you have love in your heart for them, so if you can’t eat, try drinking..small sips at a time…do it for your kids & those who love you if you can’t do it for yourself at this time….milkshakes, protein drinks, ensure, something to keep yourself hydrated and healthy. Without sleep and food we cannot function, no matter if we have other issues creating havoc in our lives or not. I’m a very heavy person, and I love food, yet when I don’t sleep well, the next day I feel yucky and have no appetite..so please, be good to yourself…rest, eat even if it’s tiny amounts thru the day..drink to keep hydrated..and hug your kids. Let them know you love them & need them. I will bet they want to help you but don’t know how. Just my 2 cents worth…Much luck & love to you…hang in there, count your blessings..make a list of them if you can realize them better that way, and call a hot line, go to the ER until you can go see your own doctors, and know you have people out here who care.

[elf]

#1073112

hyperm – yes, I was this crazy, you are not alone. I just prefer to keep the memory of the past blocked off, it hurts so. It started when I was first pregnant, I got tired listening to my husband complaining about something (I thought he complained too much, instead of doing something about it), so I threw a pot of mashed potatoes at him, he ducked, a hole in the wall. I wasn’t diagnosed until my second baby was 8 months old, so it was 2 years of rages, fights, screaming, breaking dishes. Once hubby told me I was mental, and that was a mistake for him to do, oh what a red rag for a raging bull!!!

After RAI, my short fuse was slowly defusing, and now 3+ years later, I am not capable of holding anger for as long as I used to, when it grew in my body until all body was buzzing with hate and there was no end of what I could do – yell, destroy.

I can identify sooo well with what you say about your kids, looking apprehensively at you, trying to decide if another mad episode is coming up. It just hurts me that their earliest life was saddled with crazy mom.

I am not sure if you are deciding about RAI, and I know many people decide on other treatment routes, but it was a saviour for me, psychologically. Some people say they become anxious and frightened, but for me and you Graves perspires in rage and hate and destruction.

Have you seen this advise – when yelling , keep yelling "IT’S NOT ME IT’S GRAVES I AM SORRY I STILL LOVE YOU I NEED A TIME BY MYSELF" – if only I had known this trick when I had my rages, it would have helped.

P.S.: speaking of husbands, I don’t know what kind of a person would endure the raging Graves beside him, a saint maybe? I don’t know if I could withstand that kind of assault for years. Me and hubby both have emotional scars from that time. I know he was relieved to learn that it was a disease I had, I was not a mental case. If you could, in your "down time", try to tell him that it’s the disease that possesses you, that you as a person still love him and appreciate him sticking by you.

[mrstheweav]

#1073113

Hey hyperm,

I sent you a private message.

Niki

[hyperm]

#1019651

I am so sorry to post again but I really feel I am going off my head. Every little thing is super annoying me and i feel as though I am going to rip my house apart. I really feel I can’t hold out anymore and my endo app isn’t until the end of the month – I honestly don’t think I am going to be here when that app comes around. I called my GP for an app today but nothing available until next week…

I went off my head at my husband last night and I know that me and this condition are ripping my family apart – I really can’t help it.

I feel trapped in a body that I can do nothing with. I HATE IT! I can’t do anything. My eldest little boy is watching my face all the time and for all I know that I am still shouting at him – he is just a normal little boy and actually well behaved and I am a bitch to him. I can’t eat so I suppose that doesn’t help and I look around me and my world is just crumbling. I am sorry to be such a moan but I really can hold any longer.. Please has anyone else felt like this?

M x

[hyperm]

#1073114

HI all,

Elf oh i thank you so much that you can share that you are like me. When i was first diagnosed after my first little boy 4 years ago now I was on the verge of ready to attack my husband and my eyes would blur with rage…… Then I would slump to the floor in floods of tears.

This time I feel even more so and am always going on at him. Last night after throwing all my ironing onto the dining room floor and turning the air blue in the process (kids in bed) we sat down at we really talked. By the way I had not intention of doing the ironing as I don’t have the energy but it felt great just throwing it about…. stupid i know. He has witnessed things before but this time I am so fatigued and so frustrated as a woman and a mum. I can do nothing and I want to scream

My little boy at 4 is an angel and he keeps saying don’t worry mummy. I sat down with him and told him that mummy cries because she isn’t very well at the moment not because of anything he does and that when he cuddles me each time I start to get better. If only….

I have started to think coulc I be verging on menopause aswell (my mum and gran, sisters were in 32 , 34) I am 29. My mum is fantastic as she had terrible times in her menopause so can appreciate all the mood swings and hormonal fatigue ( I remember it all clearly and thats why I worry about my kids).

I sometimes look at my stairs and think I could just throw myself down there.

I am normally a placid natured person and also very active that I could do my own housework and my mums and I think that is why I am so frustrated that this disease has disabled me in such a way. I know its terrible to say and you should count your blessings but if you had cancer they would take better care of you – instead they give you meds and say you will have a hard time now off you go.

I am drained and feel on the verge of a complete breakdown with it all. Elf I really appreciate your honesty as I know that I don’t tell alot of people as they don’t understand and just think you a nut. ” title=”Sad” />

Thanks again…

mm
xxxxxxxxx

[elf]

#1073115

My kids are 4 and 5 too, so we need to think about curbing what we have, because they are learning and sponging.

You’ve had it for 4 years? Did you have RAI? As I said, RAI may be good for us whose Graves result in violence. Forget about following others trying to achieve remission. We’ll end up in jail before our remission. I can’t build myself up in that kind of anger anymore, 3 years after RAI – thanks goodness!!

I don’t think you are in menopause, but you can ask you Dr check for FSH, estrogen, and LH – three hormones that show if a woman is or close to menopause. My mother had it at 44, so I thought I would, too. I’m 45 and still going.

[hyperm]

#1073116

hey yes I agree and I try so much to hide it from my kids – hard though as you can’t schedule a mood swing eh? If only ” title=”Wink” />

No not had RAI as would like more children so they said def no! I am having a partial removal hopefully if it starts to come under control in July. Last year there was no way I was having this done but after the thyroid storm which really has me in shock then YES I have decided thats what i want.

Its funny how treatments are completely different in different countries – I am in the UK where they prefer Carbimazole to PTU etc.
. My brother – in – law in Japan would treat me completely differently too. ” title=”Confused” />

Thank you so much for your advice. Between here and calling my mum every 5 mins I get through each day – at least my mum and some on here make me laugh at past mood swings etc.. and I know one day I will have a chuckle about what I am saying or doing just now (except anything to do with the kids).

mx

[Ski]

#1073117

Just a quick comment for you ~ you can still have more kids after RAI, it doesn’t affect fertility. MANY people here have conceived and are now raising beautiful, healthy children they had post-RAI. Some have had several. ” title=”Very Happy” />

[elf]

#1073118

How would your BIL in Japan would treat you?

I came to view my thyroid as an "alien" that needed to be gone gone gone. Hopefully your TT will help you, but since it’s going to be Partial , it’s a 1-million pound question, right?

Yes people have kids after RAI – funny thing, I did RAI exactly with the thought in mind, – I wanted to have one more kid (regardless of my age), so I thought taking a known amount of thyroid hormone would be a better thing for that, rather than chasing the violent thyroid with drugs. In addition, I knew there could be a Graves flare-up in the post-partum period, and I could envision not only craziness in post-partum, but my eyes popping out, too. Nope, I didn’t want that.

I’m happy to be taking a small hormone pill every morning, and to know exactly how much it is, it’s not a big deal really. If I wanted, I could have a kid now, there’s no question about it.

Our kids can see much more than we think they do…with their skin, maybe… They are so much attuned to mommy, and it’s not good that they see instability, and abuse, and who knows what else. I think you need to take your health care in your own hands and demand what you think you need.. Because a childhood trauma may result in later, teenage problems and what not.

Big hug to you… people may not understand how we could be scared of ourselves… and scared of what we can do to others..

[hyperm]

#1073119

Hi elf,

thanks for your concern, thankfully I hide most of it from my eldest son and the youngest is only a few months old. I normally feel that i I can let go once they are in bed. Its just the occasional day when I go upstairs for a cry and he follows me. I do snap more often than I would and thats why I feel guilty but I genuinely try to hide as much as possible. Hence I think the tornado on my hubby

My brother-in-law in Japan doesn’t like thyroid meds as he believes that they start to make the hypothalamus and pituitary gland redundant. When he discovered I was on the blocking treatment he called several times asking if my endo had me off it as it wasn’t good for me ! He was right and the new endo confirmed it.

I called Endo today and spoke with the secretary who is lovely – I told her everything (she has the same condition) and she tracked my endo straight away.
He stated that there was nothing they could do and another week and the meds should really be in my system in the meantime double up on the diazepam to keep me calm (and knocked out for most of the day ” title=”Sad” />) He stated that if my bloods indicated that it was starting to come under control they may operate sooner as I have been so ill (feel like such a moan ” title=”Sad” /> )

In the meantime I am left for another week feeling suicidal and going crazy

Thanks again

m xx

[elf]

#1073120

With me, it was the other way around, my anger was directed at my hubby, not at the kids. However, with me being in the mood, it spilled over on the kids – barking at them.

All the while, I just knew what I needed to calm myself down, – a room for myself only, preferrably painted in light green or light lavender – clean, with minimum decor (you can visualise Japanese type of rooms) where I could meditate and let my thoughts run their course and die… Somehow I knew it would help, but I didn’t have a room for myself.

I am not sure I follow what your BIL proposes for you as treatment… But in any case, it’s something that you need to decide for yourself, out of all these sources – your Endo, your BIL, here, and you probably researched at lot by yourself.

One week is not too long of time, hopefully you won’t do anything drastic until then. When you feel something coming up, remove yourself – just close the door (say to your 4 year old that mommy will be back shortly) and secure the baby – and wait in there until it passes.

[hyperm]

#1073121

Hi Elf,

I am like you I take out on my hubby but feel guility if I snap at my little boy but as I said I do try to hide and i think that is why I am going off at night and my poor hubby is taking the brunt ” title=”Sad” />

I agree that I couldn’t follow my BIL as I am so ill i would take poison just now just to feel better, In Japan they don’t follow western medicine as such so he has different views ! They hardly offer any pain relief in labour (obviously a man made that rule )

Thanks for your help. MY endo is going to do some tests for menopause because of the family history of the females in my mums family starting theirs in their early 30’s,. I started menstruating at 9 so he said it could be a possibility! I really hope not as I want more kids – however get through this I hear you all say and you are right.

I was speaking with a girl whose little boy goes to nursery with mine and she mentioned that one of her friends has GD and they are cracking up with her and her mood swings. I really talked to her and she felt so sorry for her friend after that and reallised that she really can’t help being the way she is. Gosh before all this I would never have answered anyone back now I would face the devil.

Thanks again everyone. I am going to do what my endo said and take a diazepam first thing in the morning with my meds to see if it helps the to get over the initial "I can’t through another day".

M xxx

[Ski]

#1073122

I’m glad they’ve given you some help! I really hope you’re seeing some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Funny you should mention being able to "talk back," I think that’s something I’ve also finally been brave enough to do since GD. Oh, the lessons we never thought we needed to learn….

[npatterson]

#1073123

You are NOT going crazy–but it does feel like it.

Did you ever contact the British Thryoid Foundation? j.l.hickey@btf-thyroid.org Janice Hickey is their President, a Graves’ patient, and easy to talk to. I URGE you to e-mail her. I don’t know where in the UK you live, but it is certainly closer than here. She might even know how to get you in sooner. They have some great contacts.

If you will e-mail me (nancyngdf@bellsouth.net) I will e-mail you an excellent article on surgery.

Thank you for the nice note about feeling good.

Also, take the extra medicine that the doctor said. You need some RELIEF, and I doubt that it will slow you down all that much.

[Author]

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