[nightwolf]

#1018083

hello board,my name is Tim and my wife has been diagnosed with graves about 3 months ago and has had symptoms as far away as 3-4 years ago from the best we can tell .
I sit idle watching her go through all this wishing with all my might i could be of some help to this condition as she goes through all this and feel as if there is nothing i can do to help so here i am maybe i can help in some other ways finding information or others with this same disease i have read some of the posts from others and there are so many of the same things she goes through daily, suffering as she does if there is any advice anyone can give to the spouses of this disease please feel free i want so much to be able to help but just do not know how .

[Bobbi]

#1062596

The fact that you recognize that your wife is ill, and want to help is huge, Tim. Many of us have families and friends who don’t get it. Because we typically don’t "look" ill until we’ve been sick a while, they don’t understand that we’re really sick. Your wife is really lucky to have someone who does in fact "get it."

We’re all different in what we need during our sick period. Have you asked her what you might be able to do to help? Typically, we wives don’t want our husbands to try to "fix" us. We don’t want you to tell us what treatment option we should do, for instance, or dictate in other ways. But having a sounding board is important; and knowing that if we cannot do X today (make dinner/wash dishes/etc.) that someone willingly "has our back" can be really helpful emotionally.

Others may chime in with their feelings on this issue. I do wish you good days ahead and hope that you wife recovers quickly. And, yes, we DO typically get well again. It just takes a bit of time.

[nightwolf]

#1062597

ty Bobbi for your words . if anyone else has anything to add please do so… and as we continue on this venture and learn maybe we can be of some comfort to someone else

[KAM]

#1062598

Bobbi’s advise is very good. Don’t try to fix her. The challenge is you are a man/husband and we are programmed to "fix" the problem. The more you try, the worse it gets. Bobbi also mentioned being a sounding board. That is good advise as well but keep in mind you are going to hear a lot. You are going to hear things that come out of no where. So it is very important that you don’t take any thing personally. The book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz helped me out a lot with that.

Being new you may not know about the private message board. When you log in on the middle on the page it says (new messages) I’ll leave a note there.

Kam

[Kimberly]

#1062599

I would like to echo what Bobbi said – kudos to you for making an effort to understand your wife’s Graves’ Disease!

There are some great articles on our web site about all aspects of Graves’ Disease. One in particular might interest you – it’s called “An Open Letter to Husbands of Graves’ Patients.” From the home page at http://www.ngdf.org, click on “publications” (ignore the drop-down options) and then “psychosocial & emotional effects,” and you will see the article.

The advice to *ask* your wife what she needs during this time is important as well. Some patients prefer that the people around them go out of their way to be cheerful and positive. However, I can tell you that when I felt my worst in 2007, extra cheerful people seriously got on my last good nerve! I personally preferred a little more of a low-key approach.

Best of luck to you and your wife on this journey.

[Author]

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